A Preacher went out huntin, t'was on one Sunday morn 
He knew its against his religion, but he took his gun along 
He shot himself three mighty fine quail 
and one little measly hare 
And on his way returning home, 
he saw a great big Grizzly Bear 

Now the bear marched out in the middle of the road 
and waltzed to the Preacher you see 
The Preacher got so excited, he climbed up a 'simmon tree 
The bear sat down upon the ground, 
the Preacher climbed out on a limb 
Well he cast his eyes to the Lord in the skies, 
and these words he said to Him 

Oh Lordy, didn't you deliver Daniel from the lion's den 
Also, deliver Jonah, from the belly of a whale and then 
Three Hebrew children from the fiery furnace 
so the Good Book do declare 
Now Oh Lord, if you can't help me, 
well then please don't-cha help that bear 

Now the Preacher was up in that tree, 
I think it was all night 
He said Mr Bear if you bother me, 
I'll give you an awful fight 
Just about that time the limb let go 
and the Preacher came tumblin' down 
You could see him getting his razor out 
before he hit the ground 

He hit the ground cuttin' right and left, 
he put up a very game fight 
Just then the bear grabbed the Preacher, 
and he squeezed him a little too tight 
The Preacher dropped his razor, the bear held on with a vim 
Well he cast his eyes to the Lord in the skies 
and these words he said to Him 

They fought all the way to the river, 
it was a terrible fight 
That bear just kept a-hanging on, 
but the Preacher was a-doing all right 
He dragged that beast right down in the water 
it was three times in and out 
Then the bear got up and he limped away 
and the Preacher began to shout 

Oh, Lordy, didn't you deliver Daniel from the lion's den 
Also, deliver Jonah, from the belly of a whale, Amen, 
And oh Lord, it may not seem like much from way up there, 
But the hardest thing I ever done was baptize that  #@$%^* bear. 

Well I came home the other night,
just drunk as I could be 
Found a horse in my stall
where my horse aughta be.

I said come here my little wife
explain this thing to me
How comes a horse in my stall
where my horse aughta be?

She said, You drunk fool
you blind fool
Can't you never see
That's just a little milk cow
my Grandma sent to me

Well, I've traveled this whole world over
a thousand times or more--
But a saddle and bridle on a milk cow
I've never seen before.

Well I came home the other night,
just drunk as I could be 
Found a coat in the closet
where my coat  aughta be.

I said come here my little wife
explain this thing to me
How comes a coat in the closet
where my coat  aughta be?

She said, You drunk fool
you blind fool
Can't you never see
That's just a little bed quilt
My Grandma sent  to me. 

Well, I've traveled this whole world over
a thousand times or more--
But  coat pockets on a bed quilt 
I've never seen before!!

Well I came home the other night,
just drunk as I could be 
Found a hat on the hat rack
where my hat  aughta be.

I said come here my little wife
explain THIS thing to me
How comes a hat on the hat rack
where my hat  aughta be?

She said, You drunk fool
you blind fool
Can't you never see
That's just a little chamber pot
My Grandma sent to me.

Well, I've traveled this whole world over
a thousand times or more--
But  a J P STETSON CHAMBER POT
I've never seen before!!

Well I came home the other night,
just drunk as I could be 
Found some boots in the hallway
where MY boots  aughta be!!!

I said come here my little wife
EXPLAIN   this thing to me
How comes a boots in the hallway 
where my boots  aughta be?

She said, You drunk fool
you blind fool
Can't you never see
That's just a  pair of butter churns
my Grandma sent to me. 

Well, I've traveled this whole world over
a thousand times or more--
But  pair of size 12 butter churns,
I've never seen before!!

Well I came home the other night,
just drunk as I could be 
Found a HEAD ON THE PILLER
where my HEAD   aughta be!!!

I SAID COME HERE MY LITTLE WIFE
EXPLAIN THIS THING TO ME......
HOW COMES A HEAD ON THE PILLER
WHERE MY HEAD AUGHTA BE???

She said, You drunk fool
you blind fool
Can't you never see
That's just a little cabbage head
my Grandma sent to me. 

WEEELLLLL, I'VE TRAVELED
THIS WHOLE WORLD OVER
A THOUSAND TIMES OR MOORREEEE
BUT A MUSTACHE .........ON A CABBAGE HEAD
I'VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE!!!!!

My name it is Joe Bowers; 
I have a brother Ike. 
I came from old Missoura, 
All the way from Pike. 

I used to know a girl there; 
Her name was Sally Black. 
I asked her if she'd marry me; 
She said it was a whack. 

She said to me, "Joe Bowers. 
Before we hitch for life, 
You'd better get a little home 
To take your little wife.' ' 

"Oh Sally, dearest Sally, 
Oh Sally, for your sake. 
I'll go to California 
And try and raise a stake." 

When I got in that country 
I didn't have a red; 
I had such wolfish feelings 
I wished myself most dead. 

But the thughts of my dear Sally 
Soon made those feelings git, 
And whispered hope to Bowers, 
I wish I had them yet. 

At last a letter, 
Enough to make me swear, 
That Sally married a butcher, 
And the butcher had red hair. 

Before I got through reading, 
At length the letter said: 
Sally had a baby, 
And the baby's head was red. 

I met a little girl in Knoxville,
a town we all know well.
And every Sunday evening
out in her home I'd dwell.
We went to take a evening walk
about a mile from town.
I picked a stick up off the ground
and knocked that fair girl down.
She fell down on her bended knees
for mercy she did cry. 
"Oh Willie dear, Don't kill me here
I'm unprepared to die."
She never spoke another word
I only beat her more
Until the ground around me
within her blood did flow.

I took her by her golden curls
and I drug her round and round
Throwing her into the river
That flows through Knoxville town.
Go down Go down
You Knoxvile girl
with the dark and roaming eyes.
Go down Go down 
You Knoxville girl
You could never be my bride.
I started back to Knoxville 
Got there about midnight.
My mother, she was worried
and woke up in a fright.
saying "Dear son what have you done
to bloody your clothes so?"
I told my anxious mother
I was bleeding at my nose.

I called for me a  candle
to light myself to bed.
I called for me a handkerchief
to bind my aching head.
Rolled and tumbled the whole 
night through.
As struggles  was for me
Like flames of  hell around my bed
And in my eyes could see.

They carried me down to Knoxville,
and put me in a cell.
My friends all tried to get me out;
but none could go my bail.
I'm here to waste my life away
down in this dirty ole jail.
Because I murdered that Knoxville girl
the girl I loved so well.

Oh Polly Pretty Polly
would you take me unkind.
Polly Pretty Polly
would you take me unkind.
You'd set beside me and tell 
your mine

Well my mind is to marry and
never to part
Mind is to marry and never
to part.
First time I saw you; 
you wounded my heart.

Polly Pretty Polly
come and go along with me
Polly Pretty Polly
come and go along with me
before we get married
some pleasure we would see.

Well he led her over mountains
and valleys so deep.
led her over mountains and valleys so deep
all is then twisted and  then began to weep.
saying Willie, little Wille
I'm afraid of your ways
Willie little Willie
I'm afraid of your ways
The way you've been rambling
lead me astray.

Pretty Polly Pretty Polly
Your guess is about right
Polly Pretty Polly
Your guess is about right
I dug on you grave
the biggest part of last night.

Well he led her a little further
and what did she spy
led her a little further and
what did she spy
new dug grave
with a spade lying by.
She knelled down before  him 
and pleading for her life
She knelled down before him 
a pleading for her life.
Let me be a single girl
if I can't be your wife.

Now Polly Pretty Polly
that never can be.
Polly Pretty Polly
that never can be.
Your passionate nature
has been trouble for me.

Then he opened up her bossom,
white as any snow
he opened he up bossom
white as any snow.
Stabbed her through the heart
and the blood did overflow.

Then he went down to the jail house 
and what did he say
he went down to the jailhouse and
what did he say
I've killed Pretty Polly and trying to get away.

VERSE 1
I'll tell you a story of a burglar man
Who went to rob a house
He peeped in at the window
An' crept in as quiet as a mouse 
VERSE 2
He was theinking of the money, he'd get
While under the bed he lay
Theat burglar man saw a sight, theat night
Theat made his hair turn gray 
VERSE 3
At nine o'clock an ole maid came in
I am so tired, she said
Theen theinking theat all was well
She forgot t' look under the bed 
VERSE 4
She took out her teethe an' her big glass eye
An' the hair from off her head
Theat burglar man had nineteen fits
As he come from under the bed 
VERSE 5
When from under the bed theat burglar came
He was a perfect wreck
Thee ole maid she did not hollow, at all
But she grabbed 'im around thee neck 
VERSE 6
From under her arm, a cold revolver, she drew
An' to theis burglar she said,
Young man, you've got to marry me
Or I'll blow off the top of your head 
VERSE 7
He looked at her teethe an' her big glass eye
He had no place to scoot
So, he said, to thee old maid standing by
Woman, for thee Lords sake, shoot