Collegeport Articles

 

January, 1931
 


THOUGHTS ABOUT THE LAND MEN FORGOT

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

Gaze, if you will upon a great primitive, primordial, prehistoric sea. Its vastness, its majesty, its mightiness, staggers the imagination of us who live in this age. A mighty flood, its sun tossed waves resembling white maned horses, chasing after each other never catching up, until they dashed against the rocky beach, now two hundred miles inland. Over one hundred fathoms, the tide rises and falls, never ceasing. Great primitive monsters sport in the waters and from time to time engage in death struggles, the remains sinking to the bottom, adding to its ever attempting to rise into new made land. Birds in countless numbers skim the surface seeking food. Mollusks, gigantic in size, lived in the slimy ooze of the bottom. Rivers, their banks lined with a semi-tropical jungle growth debouched into the sea and spewed their silt burden into the tide. Great tree trunks, riding the waters were in turn dumped at their mouths. Gigantic mammoths, serpent like mammalia, some of them eighty feet in length, victims of diseases or battle added their bodies to the accumulations cast into the sea. Remains of these animals are found to this day showing plainly the location of the ancient beach. Slowly these accretions pushed the sea back and land appeared.

 

The rivers continued to carry their burdens of animal and vegetable life to the sea and with them silt washed down from the hills. Rocks rolled along in flood, time added to the accumulation. At morn the sun rose each day and its light glistened on an ever defeated sea. The moon mellowed the scene. The stars reflected in the quiet waters danced like diamonds on green and blue plush. No sound of man disturbed the scene for man did not exist. On, and on, never ceasing, went the work of nature making the land that men forgot.

 

Came a day when where once rolled one hundred fathoms of tossing sea, appeared a vast marshy plain. Tides overflowed this land, depositing their burdens of silt, ever raising it above sea level. Animals died and added their bodies. Rivers overflowed and left the land higher. Birds carried seeds. Trees appeared along the river banks. At last this great coastal plain was from twenty to fifty feet above the highest tide. Grass appeared from seeds carried by birds or washed by the rivers. It grew luxuriantly, loaded with nutrients required by animal life. Herds of animals came. Buffalo, deer, elk and others in numbers that appeared to literally cover the plain. These beasts waxed fat on the nutritious grasses which nature had provided. They lived their lives died and their bodies yet add to the richness of the soil which now was from three to four feet deep.

 

Came the primitive man, an animal-like individual, whose only thought was good and the findings of a mate. Time rolled on, centuries passed. Man developed into tribes and at last into communities. The ancient Aztecs in their wanderings came to the land. Indians made it their habitat. White men appeared sailing the seas in great boats, that appeared like birds with white wings. They brought a new civilization. They brought the cross and builded churches. All these forgot. Their only thought was rapine, spoilation, violence, some of it in the name of Christ but never the less, spillage and robbery. Battles were fought. Prisoners tortured to compel them to give up the secrets of their wealth. Blood flowed freely on this land, so freely that even the flowers took on a reddish hue. A new era dawned for men came from the North. They fought the former possessors and won and established a new empire. Still men forgot. Their only value of this fair land was that it might grow cattle for on the grasses stock waxed fat and men with them. It was a grand life while it lasted. Men became barons and ruled with rods of iron, the domain they called their own and yet they also forgot.

 

While men forgot, nature did not, but she continued her work, rivers were fixed in their course, land took permanent shape and now we have the "Magic Bottle," an empire of eight hundred thousand acres of fertile land. A diversified soil with a considerable per cent, a heavy rich, blackland loaded with plant nutrients and calculated with proper handling to produce generously anything man may plant and care for. This land was forgotten by all men, until one day a man of vision rode over it on horseback and in his mind's eye he saw that from its location, its topography, its rich soil, its situation as regards water and the fact that a great artesian belt of flowing water was easily reached that it could be made the home of many people.

 

He surveyed, platted farms, laid out roads and drainage facilities, built irrigation ditches and erected a plant for providing the water. He provided transportation and then having done these things he told the world about the land men forgot. Folk from many northern states heard the call. They came in numbers and like the treks of olden days they brought their families, their cattle and other stock and settled on the land and they prospered, some in mild degree. On some fortune gave broader smiles. They built homes, and homes on the land mean development that endures. Most of them are here today and the land that men forgot is dotted with substantial farm homes most of them smiling up to the sky.

 

Here the seeker for a place to build a home will find a first class school, a church where fourteen sects worship in harmony, a public library with 2000 volumes, a woman's club, a substantial people railway, express, telegraph, telephone service, good stocks of goods, daily mail, good roads and many other things that aid in making the Magic Bottle a desirable place in which to make a living, educate children, build homes.

 

As I write on this third day of January in the new year the temperature stands at 78. Come on down and play with us. The sun rises and drenches the landscape with its warm rays, the moon at night softens Mother Earth with her mellow light the stars sparkle in Heaven's blue, the waves on the bay dance in joy and sing their song of gladness that they had had something to do with making this land that man forgot these many years and in all these things and the songs of birds, the nodding flowers, the green grass, the wrihh of quail, the honk of geese, the joyous bark of dogs, the chatter of poultry, the laughter of children, we know that God did not forget.

 

This is all very well but now at the first of the new year, now is the time to look ahead. We should analyze our particular situation. Take such steps for the betterment of our community as may seem desirable. There are great possibilities but it will take brave faith to even vision them.

 

Us Homecrofters have passed a week filled with gladness, delight, rapture, ecstasy just because Mary Louise has been with us and to add to all this friends in numbers have spent hours with us. One night came Mrs. Chiles, with Mr. and Mrs. James Lewis Duffy and not content with that many she brought a carload of kiddies, eight in number. Our house was filled with laughter and we regretted when the time came to bid them a good night.

 

Thursday came the twenty-third annual New Year's community dinner. At least one hundred and fifty folk assembled from all portions of the county. The tables fairly grumbled, snarled, murmured with their load of food. Turkey, chicken, meat, pies, salads, mashed potatoes with rich gravy, fruits, pies, cakes, et cetera, and ad lib.

 

The piece de resistance was a big tub of those Famous Carrie Nelson Noodles. No dinner, banquet, lunch or even breakfast is complete with out a tank of that delicious and nourishing delicacy. To prove that it pays to advertise I will inform you that Mrs. A. D. Hensley smelled the tempting odor clear to Bay City and filling her car tank with gas rushed here so as not to be late when noodles were ready for serving.

 

I watched her as she built up sideboards on her plate of such common things as turkey, salads, pie and cake and in the middle she took on a full load of noodles and she informed me that the noodles alone well repaid her for the trip. She also told me that had Bay City known about this affair the town would have been deserted for hundreds having read of the Famous Carrie Nelson Noodles would have let business go hang. This all proves that Mrs. Hensley is a woman with rare taste and fine judgment.

 

Came also Miss Willholt whom I once thought was a Willheart. One time I saw her under the dim light of a Ford dome and she appeared rather petit and she sure looked good to me but goshallmighty boys she is sure some big, well fed girl, and I am told that she is something of a wrestler.

 

It would be easy to fall hard for her, for she is quite fascinating, but shucks, I am a hard fast married man for lo, these thirty-five years so what's the use of dreaming.

 

Mrs. Della Braden and the only Paul, Mr. and Mrs. Batchelder Sr., from Palacios, the Duller family from Blessing and many others and all had a wonderful happy day. The Matthes family failed to appear and I am sorry for expected to meet Frederick Taylor Matthes and give him an order for a barrel of his kerosene.

 

Romance was present for over in one corner I noticed what appeared to be an "affaire du couer." Excuse, but sometimes I must show my knowledge of French and I hope you know what I mean. If you do not, I wager that very soon you will for it looked like a very violent attack.

 

You all know the principal item of nutrient I consumed but not one of you know that I put a big gob of noodles in the southwest corner pocket of my weskit to nibble on while walking home. Not even the miserable wretch suspected it until the next day when she asked "what is that tantalizing odor?" I had her smell of the aforesaid southwest corner and she laughed and said "you stole some noodles?"

 

Passing a closed car on the way home I heard "when you have that look in your eyes I feel like kissing you if people were not looking." They are not looking," a soft feminine voice replied," They are all looking the other way." Who said romance was dead? It is not true for it lives right here in Collegeport.

 

The Collegeport Echo may tell their names.

 

At night came Bill and Emily Jane Jr. Bill, I learned, took over the office of county attorney owning one shirt and unable to send that to the laundry. He left the office New Year's day owning two shirts. Some accumulation. Emily Jane regaled and entertained me with the description of a baked ham telling of its wonderful golden brown color, its sugary crust stuffed with cloves and olives, and how the delightful odor transported, enraptured, enchanted, those who shared in the delectable viand. All this time she was consuming my imported Edam cheese and at last being unable to stand grief no longer I suggested that next time she is fortunate enough to possess a baked ham she might bring it down to Collegeport and give me something besides a sniff.

 

Thursday night, Mrs. Emmitt Chiles, whom I usually call Mollie, gave a New Year's party in honor of Mary Louise. About twenty-five young people were present and one old man. Bridge, dancing and music, contributed to a happy evening.

 

Well, anyway, taking everything into the reckoning it was a very fine New Year's day.

 

We missed Mrs. Liggett and her family this day as we did others and here we hope that in one year all of the missing ones may be present.

 

Night came, the moon, a bit full on this occasion, hung in the eastern sky, the fire burned low, a chill was in the night air, the day was done and so to bed.

 

The Daily Tribune, January 8, 1931

 


THOUGHTS ABOUT WAITING

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

The man who waits always walks in the rear. The man who waits for better times before he advertises finds himself marking time. This is just as true of organizations and communities as it is of individuals. This is no time for waiting, no time for marking time. It is the time for action. It is useless to look back. The year just passed has nothing on us. If we have made errors we have no time for weeping. After all the fuss and worry, all the talk of hard times, all the work and trouble, the ledger is as good or better than it was when we ducked into 1930. We have enjoyed three or more square meals each day, we have worn clothes, we have rested in a bed at night, we have driven autos, gone to the movies and at times we wished we had stayed at home. And so I wonder what it is all about? What will we do about it? And then I ask what do we intend to do about the live days just ahead? About the only thing we have from 1930 is the respect of friends. That is a big thing boys. About the only thing worthwhile. There is satisfaction and substance about friendship. And now comes 1931. It is just here--only five days old. What has it for us as individuals, for us as a community? In a business way we know nothing of the future but we do know that we can make more friends and do more for our community. To do this is to do something really worthwhile. If we can obtain and hold a worthy place in the scheme; we can believe in the doctrine that is worth much more to give than to strive always for getting; to do something instead of always telling what we plan to do; to make every person who comes to Collegeport feel welcome. One great trouble with this burg, as I look at the situation, is that we have never sold the place to ourselves. If this is true and I believe it is, how can we expect to sell it to others. The Metropolitan Life Insurance company says "The future should be considered in the light of our experiences in the past."

 

Looking at the situation in this light, it is well to look back, provided we do not miss a step in the forward advance which whether we like it or not is always to the front.

 

One of our citizens has fine plans for this burg, but that is no reason why we should wait for his plans to mature. The thing for us to do is to sell Collegeport to ourselves. That, as I view the situation, is a much greater task than to sell it to others. The fact is, we have never been sold on our home town, its opportunities, its conveniences, its chance in proper development. Until we do this, how can we expect others to see as we do? It is time to stop petty bickering. It is the time to cease using the hammer, except for healthful construction. We have organizations here which are doing a considerable good work but their membership is small. A few are carrying the burden that the masses may enjoy the results.

 

The cost is so slight, the value to the community so great, that every man and woman with a spark of patriotism should join up and assist in the work. Take the library for instance. Nearly every family in the community benefits by it but a few devoted women bear the brunt and carry the cost. If every family would contribute one dollar per annum the library would grow beyond our fondest hopes. The cost of membership in the League amounts to the insignificant sum of two dollars per annum, and yet that sum multiplied by the number of men we have means more things for the community house, valuable aid to the school, more books for the library, aid to the King's Daughters in their cemetery work. Every penny received is used for some good community purpose. The Woman's Union is a bunch of hard working women and they need more aid from other women. Why are men and women contented to sit idly by, when this work is going on and only appear when a free feed is advertised?

 

Cone on fellows let us get together, facing the future, profiting by the past and do something really worthwhile during this new year. It is an invitation and a challenge to the men and women of Collegeport.

 

Grace Noll Crowell writes of "The Great Bounty" in these words:

 

"Because I have been given much

I, too shall give;

Because of Thy great bounty Lord

Each day I live,

I shall divide my gifts from Thee

With every brother that I see,

Who has the need of help from me.

 

Because I have been sheltered, fed,

By Thy good care,

I cannot see another's lack.

And I not share

My glowing fire, my loaf of bread,

My roof's safe shelter overhead,

That he, too, may be comforted.

 

Because love has been lavished so

Upon me, Lord,

A wealth I know that was not meant

For me to hoard.

I shall give love to those in need,

The cold and hungry clothe and feed.

Thus shall I show my thanks indeed."

 

We need more love for each other and we need to give more confidence. With these and a united front, "all for Collegeport and Collegeport for all," this year of 1931 will witness some valuable progress. Let us for one year cast into the garbage can, petty jealousy, envy, rivalry. It's worthwhile.

 

What say?

 

"Love as many persons and as many creatures as you possibly can. Love is the only power by which you can make yourself rich in a moral world."--John Stuart Blackie.

 

And this goes for Bay City and Palacios and other communities.

 

Sunday the fourth, marked the end of Mary Louise's vacation and that day we ended a delightful holiday season. Each day was one of increasing joy to us three and now we are a bit sad for we miss her cheery smile, her happy ways and her devotion. As she kissed me goodbye she said "Don't be lonesome daddy for I'll be back in June."

 

"I'll be waiting for you in June

Waiting, waiting.

Neath the silvered moon,

Waiting, waiting.

By the old willow tree

Waiting, waiting.

Thinking always of thee

Waiting, waiting.

Singing a joyful tune,

Waiting, waiting.

Waiting for you in June."

--Fragments from Hack.

 

Mrs. Edna May Brown, sister of Mrs. Emmitt Chiles spent the weekend here and with her, two of Wharton's charming daughters and all that Edna May is not so slow with the charm goey.

 

Mr. and Mrs. Victor Brasfield spent the week-end with the Burton D. Hurds.

 

For the benefit of those who did not see Victor, I will state that the only difference I saw, was that he had lost two more hairs from the top of his head. Mrs. Brasfield, I had not seen for size but she sure is one woman for charm.

 

Dorothy Franzen and Marie Nestor have taken an apartment with Mrs. Frank Ramsey, corner of Sixth Street and Avenue K, and will do light housekeeping. Light is the proper word to use, unless a certain good lady, who lives four miles southeast, brings in some good eatables.

 

Burton D. Hurd, becoming tired of mixing mortar and heaving sand, takes a trip to foreign parts, six to seven hundred miles distant, and yet he stays in Texas. I hope he returns soon for we need him in my plan of not waiting.

 

For breakfast these days I have several plates of buckwheat cakes, red hot off the griddle. These, covered with plenty of Holstein butter and drowned in maple syrup, form a concoction fit for any god I ever heard of. As I flop my lips over a load of this delicious fruit I feel as though I had been transported to Elysian fields and feeling exceedingly delightful and beautiful steals over me, and I dream of live oaks hung with noodles many of them within my reach and I clutch them and mingling them with my buckwheat cakes I dream on. My dream is done busted, for the miserable wretch has just come into the room and called my attention to some scraps of paper dropped on the floor and gives me the usual calling down. No wonder she is miserable.

 

At last we have a flag flying from the mast at the schoolhouse but violating all flag ethics it flies day and night, in storm and sunshine and soon it will be a "grand old rag." Just a suggestion but would it not be a fine thing to place the flag each week in some boy or girl's charge and raise it each morning the children standing at salute. Each night it should be lowered never allowed to touch the ground and reverently folded and place away until the next day. This would teach the pupils patriotism and cultivate a love and reverence for the flag that means so much to us.

 

Hope Professor Harbison reads this and acts. It annoys me to see "Old Glory" flopping about night and day drenched in rain and faded in sunshine.

 

Burton D. Hurd returns from his trip smoking a cob pipe. If he fills this with R. J. R.  he will be admitted to the inner circle of the local bourgeois.

 

Oscar Chapin drifted in on the Portsmouth limited Wednesday night. He is our guest as usual and is looking over his residential and business property. We filled his tummy with buckwheats and noodles without any extra charge for the service.

 

If it was not for the chapped lips I would have a hearty laugh at the puny and pygmean road grading operations going on this week.

 

Waiting until the road is as hard as cement they hitch a light contraption behind a tractor and just ride about the town doing no execution except that what is done simply flattens the road crown and builds up the banks on each side making a still deeper canal of our local roads. I suspect a white man draws five or six frog skins for the work and farms it out to another at, O, say two skins. The funny thing about it that the people stand the gaff. Well, anyway, business is business. Tom Sawlyer started this sort of racket, so that makes it quite legitimate, if you know what I mean.

 

The Woman's Club held the regular monthly meeting with Mrs. Mason Standish Holsworth. It being the time for election of officers the following were chosen: Mrs. Frank King, president; Mrs. Seth W. Corse, vice president; Mrs. L E. Liggett, secretary and Mrs. Anna D. Crane, treasurer. These will serve for two years.

 

Thursday Robert Hill drove from Bay City and brought with him Reverend Haley of the Bay City Christian church. An enjoyable visit and hope he comes again and brings his bag of tricks with him. He will be here Friday night and give an exhibition for the benefit of the local Christian endeavor. Of course every one will be out including Colonel Fulcher for he enjoys something that mystifies. Reverend Wylie here for Sunday services at the local church.

 

The Daily Tribune, Wednesday, January 14, 1931

 


THOUGHTS ABOUT BARON MUNCHAUSEN

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

I am relating this tale because it amused and interested me and in expectation that Tribune readers will also be entertained, it is given.

 

The name Manchausen is a corruption from that of Jerome Charles Frederick von Manchausen. He was a German officer in the service of Russia and was born in 1720 and died in 1797. He wrote a book of travels filled with extravagant fiction and became famous for his stories of impossible adventure.

 

I have read many of the Baron's tales with interest and amusement, but from this time on it will not be necessary for me to read them, for I have discovered that we have in Collegeport a modern Baron Munchausen in the person of a little lad named Leo.

 

Friday night as I was waiting for the evening mail in front of the postoffice, I met Leo and soon as we had exchanged names and felt acquainted he began to entertain me with tales that made the Baron's seem quite tame. And these are some of the wonderful things that this small lad told me.

 

"One time mother was driving her auto and she ran over a snake which was about as long as across the road. This snake turned and bit the tire into small pieces and crumpled the wheel up so the axle rested on the ground. I tell you, mother was frightened." I said that the snake must have been a very large one to do all this and he replied "It was as long as from here across the road and as big as a barrel." Some snake but listen to this: "I got a cowboy suit for Christmas and the other day I got on father's horse and rode out into the pasture and ran into a big bull. I threw my rope on him and it made him mad so I pulled my pistol and cut down on him and at last brought him up to the barn and told mother to give him a feed. Then I took a big sledge and hit him on the head and knocked him down and out but he got up so I hit him again and then pulled my knife and cut his throat and then took off his hide and we had him for supper."

 

Here is another story that beats the best of the Baron's. "I was out riding one day and caught up with a big snake and got off my horse and sneaked up on the snake and grabbed him by the tail and he stuck out his tongue, so I grabbed his tongue and taking my knife cut it off and dragged him to the house."

 

"One day my father was out in the pasture and chased a wolf and when the wolf put out his tongue father just grabbed him by the tongue and cut it off and slung the wolf on his saddle and brought it up to the house and we skinned it."

 

Pretty good for a seven-year-old story teller. "One day when riding my horse I met six wolves but could not catch them so when I met a boy with a bicycle I traded my horse for the bike and soon caught up with the wolves and grabbed the hind one by the tail and do you know before I was through I had five of them on my saddle and took them all to the house and showed them to mother." "Were you frightened?" I asked, and he replied: "Scairt nothin."

 

"One day in Beaumont I saw a plane go up with three men in it and soon they began to fight and one fellow cut the other's leg off and threw him out but he fell into a ditch full of water and took out his handkerchief and after wiping off the blood from his face he pulled out a machine gun and the first shot took the left wing off the plane and the second shot bumped the motor off and the plane came down but the man in it was not hurt a bit."

 

"I never rode in a plane, but my brother, Thomas, likes them and can sail them all over and he is only three years old." I said, "Your brother must be pretty smart to do such things," and in reply he said: "You bet he is for he can do most anything." "One time I saw a plane go up near Beaumont and it steered for Houston and a man on the ground pulled a machine gun on it and cut the head off of the man in the plane and his head fell out and dropped right close to me." After telling me these wonderful tales he informed me that he always told the truth for he didn't believe it paid to tell lies. Well, these were not lies, but just the imagination of a small boy.

 

"O, say, do you know we are to save some clay at our school and I intend to make a big elephant and give it to Miss Nestor and I bet she will like it." "My father killed a goose one time so big that the feathers from the beast filled a gunny sack plumb full." I asked how big the goose was and he indicted that it was all of four to five feet tall. Leo is a fine little boy, clean, bright, gentlemanly, a dimple in his chin and hands that bear the mark of an aristocrat and a mind filled with imagination and the ability to tell his tales in an interesting manner. Since listening to Leo I have forgotten the original Baron for what is the use when one can daily meet our own Baron.

 

When Oscar Chapin arrived he used tailor made cigs but now he rolls his own with good old R. J. R.

 

Well, the flag was taken down Saturday night much to my delight and this morning flies its glory to the sun-kissed sky.

 

Dorothy Franzen and Marie Nestor tired of doing their own cooking went to the Franzen home for the week-end so as to fill up with good home food in order to gain strength for another week's school work.

 

To an observer on the side line the election of Mrs. Anna D. Crane as superintendent of the Sunday school appears to be a well merited recognition of long and faithful service.

Lera Hunt no doubt will make an excellent secretary.

 

Mr. and Mrs. F. M. Cupps of Ames, Iowa, are here with their daughter, Alice, as guests of the Eisel family. I met Miss Alice at the P. O. and she strikes me as being a girl of charm with her gold hair and light blue eyes. She showed most excellent taste for she walked up town with a rose on her right and a lily on her left. One of our boys when he glimpsed his doll can't get more than two millimeters away from her. I never got that far away from any skirt I was interested in, at least never more than one millimeter.

 

I am offering Professor Harbison an apology for I notice that he flag is lowered each night and raised the next morning. Forgive me, Professor.

 

Last Saturday and Sunday were days of misery but what fine days we have enjoyed so far this week.

 

Some time ago the Bachman store put in a fine radio and announced that with each dollar purchase a key would be given. There were four thousand keys and only one would unlock the padlock. The last key given out this week and paraphrasing the old saying: "Jones is a lucky dog," I will state that in this case it was not dog but a bird who possessed the lucky key. Ethel Nelson is the lucky bird and she is pretty well swelled up with her success. I attributed her luck to either eating noodles or candy but am not able to say which.

 

A young lady in this burg should wear longer skirts for her knees are much too large and look like big boils. Drop the skirt or lance the boil. Legs? O, no, you may rest easy, for I shall not start a dissertation on the fascinating subject of legs. I covered legs long ago. I still enjoy gazing at beautiful legs and there are some dandy ones right in this burg.

 

The King's Daughters met this week with Mrs. Helen Holsworth. I did not attend because there were no noodles. The principal dish was chicken pie but that does not interest me. About twenty people were present all bringing their sewing and knitting.

 

Dorothydick writing her school reports on an Underwood using the "peek and peck" system.

 

Ben R. Mowery doing a cowboy stunt driving one lone critter.

 

Much to my disgust, Mr. Boyd, express agent on the Portsmouth limited was bumped Monday but the bumper did not last long. Boyd is back on the job. All would dislike to lose the fine Boyd family.

 

Mamie Franzen came home the other day permanently. Simply could not stay away from her family.

 

The Palacios high seniors came over here Friday and gave Bay View school another drubbing. Lack of practice is the principle reason.

 

Mr. and Mrs. Emmitt Chiles drove to Houston Friday, thanks to our good roads for without them the trip would have been impossible.

 

Rumor tells us that Dr. Van Wormer will be here soon to look over the fig properties.

 

The entertainment scheduled for Friday night with Reverend Haley as the principal actor was called off because of the miserable weather. Hope the Reverend will come some other time and pull a rabbit from Dean Merck's hat.

 

Every dog is entitled to at least one bite so the Prunty dog took his from North Cable's right leg. North is sore and so is the leg but the [dog] still wags his tail.

 

For the benefit of Floyd Lewis will record that the fishing is still very bum.

 

Ten or more planes flying over the burg this week looking for two lost aviators.

 

When I wish to use a new and big word I look in the dictionary and if I cannot find it there I look over some ten cent counter and then hunt an opportunity to use it.

 

Every time I hear of the immense quantity of lettuce raised by Mrs. Carrie Nelson I shiver with fear. I am afright, in a panic of consternation, for fear she will neglect her noodle making. Lettuce is all right for the commoners but for the gods give them noodles.

 

According to the Metropolitan Life Insurance company if one desires to be simply ultra one must have dyskinesia instead of old fashioned constipation.

 

Sunday the 18th of January I am enjoying the last of the noodles that Carrie Claus sent me for a Christmas gift. They will be served with chicken gravy. As I absorb this delicious and succulent nutrient I care not a damn what the morrow will bring for I am content with this day. Well, anyway, I will celebrate my birthday, June 16 and my wedding anniversary, July 30. Those who are interested should make a memo of these dates.

 

Certain Tribune readers look for a certain column each week and read it first. This shows a cultivated taste for good reading and I will say that this string of slum is written for the benefit of such members of the literati and cognoscenti. If you don't know that I mean look in the dictionary.

 

The Daily Tribune, January 20, 1931

 


Collegeport

 

Mr. Homer Goff from Houston, spent Thursday night with his parents.

 

Because [of] the heavy rain which fell Friday night, the program to be given by Reverend Haley was not presented.

 

Mr. and Mrs. Emmitt Chiles went to Houston during the week-end. Mrs. Chiles is going to visit with her mother for a week or ten days.

 

Although the roads were muddy, seventeen people gathered at the community house Sunday for Sunday school services.

 

The King's Daughters met with Mrs. Helen Holsworth last Thursday.

 

Mr. Robert Wells' stepmother, Mrs. Wells, was laid away to rest in the Collegeport cemetery Sunday afternoon.

 

Miss Vera Williams spent the week-end with the Kundingers.

 

Mr. James Della Betta who has been suffering from an infected arm feels much better.

 

Mr. and Mrs. F. M. Cupps and their daughter, Alice from Ames, Iowa, were guests in the Eisel home last week.

 

Mrs. Mandy Anderson and Verne Anderson motored down from Red Oak, Iowa, last week. They were guests in the Franzen home Thursday night.

 

School News

 

Our present enrollment is about 75 pupils. The attendance since the holidays has been very regular.

 

The senior basketball team from Palacios came over Friday to play our boys. The score was 32 to 3. We hope to do better next time. "Practice makes perfect," so we are going to get the practice if the weather will permit.

 

There was a new pupil to enter in the primary room Monday.

 

Tootsie and Jedie Chiles are spending two weeks with friends while their mother is away on account of illness.

 

Miss Williams is spending the week with Miss Marie Nestor and Dorothy Franzen, who are staying with Mrs. Ramsey.

 

  

Honor Roll

 

First grade

A Roll - Ruby Grace Prunty, Leo Alexander.

B Roll - Curtis Dickert, Lurlene Thompson, Alex Franzen.

 

High first grade

B roll - Van Adams

 

Second Grade

A Roll - Frances Brimberry

B Roll - Ethel Nelson, Bob Ackerman, Lydia Mae Hale, Lucille Dickert, Milford Liggett, Wilburn Miller

 

"A" Honor Roll

Third grade - Viola Prunty.

Fourth grade - Jedie Chiles

Sixth grade - Tressie Huffhine, Aline Harbison

Seventh grade - Rosalie Nelson, Gertrude Hunt

 

"B" Honor Roll

Fourth grade - Fred King, Coda Harvey, Marjorie Brimberry, Emma Franzen

Fifth grade - Millie Gregory, Roberta Liggett

Sixth grade - Guy Real, Aaron Penland, Gustave Franzen

Seventh grade - Pat Jenkins, J. O. Prunty, Minnie Chiles, Abel King

 

High School Party

 

Last Friday night, Jan. 9, the high school pupils were the guests of Gladis and Ermine Harbison, members of the high school group. The initiation of the four freshmen, Arthur Liggett, Beth Eisel, Ermine Harbison and Norman Carrick, brought forth shrieks of laughter. One peppy game after the other was played. Mrs. Harbison served delicious cocoa and cakes before the guests went home.

[The end of the article also included an essay on Optimism as well as Sports News and Radio Echo.]

 

The Daily Tribune, Wednesday, January 21, 1931

 


THOUGHTS ABOUT SMALL TOWN STUFF

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

This column is to be filled with "Small Town Stuff" and some of it will be very, very small, but it is the stuff which is found in all small towns.

 

Matagorda county is composed of ten or twelve small villages and their surrounding farming sections. This includes Bay City, even if it does tack the word city on to its Bay, and to Palacios even if it does sit by the side of the bay. Both are villages and will continue to be such along with the other villages until and when the progressives are in the majority and able to proceed to build a visible and healthy growth.

 

That's the trouble with small towns. The majority are people who are content to let things slide, they like the quiet waters, they dislike anything that breaks in on their slumbers, and they are very apt to rise up and reject and repel any attempt at what the minority considers as advance. Houston, for example, never arrived, until the progressives became the majority and were able to submerge the minority. Houston has far to go, but she will progress, for the majority are men of spirit and progress and will never again allow the submerged ones to control its destiny Conditions here in our county at present are the reverse. The majority control and they are satisfied to mark time. Until these folk are submerged into an innocuous minority, I do not expect to see any of our towns emerge from the village class and become real cities.

 

In each community a few are the workers that the mass may enjoy the privileges of community life. In this village, for example, one can count on the fingers of two hands the men and women who are doing the leading. They bear the brunt. It is true these few [have] loyal aids and supporters but it is up to them to take the initiative.

 

This is also true of the "Village City" and the "Village by the Sea." If one will read the papers one will observe that when any community work is proposed the same names appear each time.

 

I dream of the time when the present submerged minority of Matagorda county will have strength sufficient to be a majority and for all time submerge the present majority.

 

Then let them slumber. Allow them to dream on in smug satisfaction. Let their hammers rust. Let their cackles become harmless and idle gossip. The big progressive majority of men and women with high ideals, with vision of what this county may become, will march on and with a united front and our county will become the homes of fifty thousand happy, prosperous and progressive folk. Why spend time and money, boosting any one community? They are all too small for the cost and the effort. Unite for Matagorda county and then all will share in the progress that comes when one is for all and all for one.

 

Roy Nelson seems to have a bright idea. He says that what we need here is smaller and better farms, smaller and better pastures, fewer cattle but better bred, more and better shelter, more feeing in lots and less dependence on open pasture grazing.

 

Hattie Kundinger is boosting a new brand of matches. They are made in Sweden and are sure fire for they never fail to go off, muy pronto, if properly used. I predict a heavy sale.

 

I heard a certain young lady say, "Don't you think Vern Batchelder is fascinating?" I agree with her perfectly, for with "that eyes and them smile" he could make a girl pick peanuts off a fig tree.

 

A young lady reader of the Tribune living in West Texas writes me and asks "Does Vern still go with Miss (name deleted by the censor)?" I assure the reader that she does. Just small town stuff but gee how interesting.

 

Joe Mangum, sheriff, has posted notices that the stock law is in effect and ordered Frank King, deputy sheriff, to take up all stock running loose. Looks as though us stock men will have to keep our stuff in our own lots. This will be great news for Mrs. Burton D. Hurd for roaming stock sure have been a nuisance to her and besides destroyed valuable shrubbery and fine gardens. Just this week two strays came into our yard and started to chew up clothes just washed and hanging on the line. Did the miserable wretch chase them out? She did and talked to them at the same time.

 

Wonder how many read that splendid financial report furnished by our county engineer Gustafson. If all our departments from the county court to our local school board would publish similar reports much of the fault finding and criticism would be abolished.

 

North Cable suffering for some time from an infected hand went to Palacios the other day for a slight operation which it is hoped will provide relief.

 

Heard at the postoffice:

"The letters is all up."

"I ain't had none letters fer a week."

"Say, when you git through with your Tribune wist you would let me take it."

"I ain't never saw any use paying box rent when I can git my mail fur nothin.'"

"Have you saw Bill today?" "No, I ain't saw him for a week."

"I seen the train leaving Citrus."

 

The pity is that some of these philologists are in the tenth grade of our local school. Well, anyway, I am glad the county court placed a "school zone" sign on our "nine-foot sidewalk." The only effect is that instead of running past the school house at forty miles per they now hit her up to fifty. I suppose they do this just to show what they think of attempts to curb dangerous speeds. It cost seven hundred lives to put fire proof curtains in theatres but it was worth the cost. What is one of our children worth.

 

Louise Walter was seen on our streets last week.

 

Jed Prutz had a tooth pulled last Wednesday.

 

Gus Franzen was a business visitor on Tuesday.

 

Ben R. Mowery is assisting in the postoffice.

 

Mrs. Charles Duller was visiting relatives in our city Thursday.

 

When Mason Standish Holsworth told about chasing two wolves, I thought he better have our local Baron Munchausen catch them by the tongue.

 

Hattie Kundinger was seen opening boxes in our postoffice Friday.

 

Mrs. Frank Ramsey called at the postoffice for her mail.

 

Seth Corse shipped twenty capons that averaged twelve pounds. Wonder whatinthehell a capon is.

 

John Heisey uses two brooms at the same time. Says he can sweep twice as fast. John always was a bit fast.

 

Mrs. Anna D. Crane bought a barrel of kerosene last week.

 

Two mules are at large.

 

When a black and white critter is at large it is suspected that it belongs to Clapp.

 

The Portsmouth limited came in on time one night last week.

 

Robert Murry still rolls his own.

 

The lily appeared in red this week.

 

Mrs. Helen Holsworth sold cream last Friday.

 

Burton D. Hurd is out of town. Ought to stay at home for it is about time to plant that sweet corn.

 

Emil Sliva found a wire detached from his battery.

 

Our roads need grading.

 

Wonder when our road signs will be ready for installation.

 

Miss Vera Williams is a guest of the Misses Franzen and Nestor this week.

 

Mrs. Rena Wright killed a hen Friday.

 

Stanley Wright brought the school kiddies in early this Tuesday.

 

Gus Franzen smoking a cig. Naughty, naughty boy. Should use R. J. R. for steadying nerves.

 

Mrs. Carrie Nelson made some noodles last week.

 

Gladys Harbison purchased ten cents worth of crackers Wednesday. Helps business.

 

Mrs. Emma Lewis Carleton, accompanied by her mother, brother and son, were callers at Homecroft Saturday. Emma Lee honed for her Woodstock.

 

Mr. Clapp distributed some dynamite circulars Saturday.

 

Mrs. Blaylock bought one gallon of kerosene Friday.

 

Wonder what Cy wanted with a pink flask. A pint hardly starts one cylinder.

 

Hugo Kundinger sold two glasses of his sodalicious ice cream one day last week.

 

Dorothy Franzen tiring of her own cooking goes home where she is sure of square meals.

 

It is reported that when school is out Miss Vera Williams will accept a position with the Farmers Storage.

 

Well, anyway, Saturday came to our town the Matagorda county rural trustees association. A splendid thing this organization and profitable in many ways, not the least being the opportunity to get together, exchange gab, get acquainted. The most interesting part of the program was luncheon and I was lucky enough to grab a seat next to a very beautiful and fascinating young lady. She fell hard for me and gave me a handsome cream rose which I carried home and placed in water and this morning it is full bloom and all day will remind me of the donor. My only regret was that I was obliged to share her society with Doctor Simons. These Docs seems to me, always have to nose into everything.

 

The tables were beautifully decorated, the service was all the most critical could expect, but where were the noodles? As I saw Mrs. Pollard herding those "trustys" around I thought of a fine mother hen clucking after the wayward chickens. I did not know that Tom Hale could pray but he can. Guess he must have learned from Colonel Fulcher, for I have often heard him talk with God. I hung about until the tables were cleared and then beat it for other pastures.

 

About all one can write about in a small town is small town stuff and of that there is plenty in every Matagorda county hamlet. Anyway, enough is almost sufficient, as Seth Corse says, when he sells two stamps to one person.

 

The Daily Tribune, Tuesday, January 27, 1931

 


THOUGHTS ABOUT THE FIG OF YESTERDAY

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

Look over the four hundred acres of waving fig leaves. Live, green, healthy trees. the breeze from a thousand miles of wind-tossed, sun-kissed, southern seas, tosses the leaves and sways the branches in musical rhythm. This breeze laden as it is with certain salts is the reason why figs in this particular section attain great size and a luscious flavor. This is true of most fruits and the tomato is only one example, for it is well known that here they grow to a generous size, have a richer color and a meatier flesh.

 

The fig orchards of yesterday are clean as a hound's tooth thanks to the supervision of Sam Sims and his aides.

 

Spring is here and fruiting has begun. All over the branches small figs are seen. Soon they will swell, come to great size and filled as they will be with toothsome honey, no wonder they have been called "The Fruit of Kings and the King of Fruits."

 

Time goes on and soon the branches fail would rest on the ground so burdened are they with their fruit. Picking time comes and truck loads go to the canning plant where they are preserved in a sanitary manner and then shipped out to delight the palates of thousands of northern folk who are charmed by this delightful and succulent preserve. There is a satisfaction in producing such a product. It is always a satisfaction when one can provide others with a product that without this method would be strangers to the fruit.

 

The local orchards of yesterday were cultivated, the trees pruned at the right time and they were sprayed. Result? A generous crop that was profitable to the grower. I do not think any man can tell the limit in financial returns from a large fig crop. I am informed that here in the coast section one man received from one acre the sum of one thousand dollars and that three took off from the same area seven to eight hundred dollars. Quite a number produced figs to the value of five hundred dollars and many received from two to three hundred dollars. I believe these statements to be true. They show the possibilities. Once upon a time I had four acres of figs. One hundred and eight trees to the acre. The first year they produced at the rate of sixty cents per tree or about $60 per acre. If the reader doubts this I suggest he ask the miserable wretch. He may believe what she says for I have never caught her telling a lie.

 

At the end of three years the Collegeport Fig Orchards company under the terms of their contracts turned the various orchard blocks over to the tender mercies of non-resident owners. May of them, not realizing the value of their property, became careless. Cultivation, pruning, spraying ceased. Retroversion began. Neglect took its toll.

 

But this is another story which we will consider next week. No matter what has happened I still believe in the fig and my advice to the owners of these orchards is to hold fast, cultivate, prune, spray, pick the fruit, collect the cash and I believe the returns will be gratifying.

 

Monday night, Jan. 26, the Portsmouth Limited died on the track about one mile from Beadle. The next day the flag at the schoolhouse flew at half mast. Very proper.

 

The same day came Dr. W. W. Van Wormer with Harry Hall on a very welcome visit to the Homecrofters. When I was a boy Bill Hall, the father of Harry, was an engineer on what was then the Lake Shore and Michigan Southern railroad.

 

Doctor Van came from Springfield to look over the properties of the Fig Orchards company and he only needed one eye to see all that was necessary and one eye was one too many. Any way Doctor Van enjoys the respect and friendship of 97 per cent of our people for he has honestly and generously tried to promote a business of much importance to us folk. He need not worry about the three per cent for they are always again anything and everything that means progress.

 

The caption of this string was not prompted by Doctor Van's visit for it was written about two weeks ago so rest easy dearests.

 

Clifford Ash drove to Beadle on Monday night and then walked about one and half miles to the train, secured the letter mail and brought it to town. I am sure all patrons of the postoffice share with me in thanking Mr. Ash for this excellent and thoughtful service. The train was at last put back on the track and proceeded to Bay City but after about thee miles had been traveled off she went again. The net result is that we have no mail for two days.

 

The other day a person talking with the miserable wretch asked "how is it possible for you and Mr. Clapp to enjoy life in this place." She replied that we enjoyed our life here because we are enjoying good health, are happy and contented. Well, anyway, all we need is a shelter, some food, some spending change and a sack of R. J. R. and then we'll be satisfied with life. Who gets any more. The saddest thing about this interrupted mail service is that no letter mail has been received from Tyler, Texas, much to the disgust, nausea, abhorrence and aversion of the rose. It's simply hell, fella, when a letter from ones sweetie fails to show up.

 

Here is something that my interest cow men. Last week I had a cow that was down and begin unable to get her up consulted with Stanley Wright. He came to Homecroft and walked into the barn lot. There the cow was, as she had been for forty-eight hours. The moment she turned her head and saw Stanley Wright she jumped to her feet and has been all OK since. If any of you cow men have similar trouble let the old cow has a sight of Stanley Wright. Wonder how a sight of him affects the girls.

 

Our school "athletes" journeyed up to El Maton Friday and scored on baseball but failed to do so on basketball. Our school teams need a good coach one who understands the game and likes the sport. Charley Prunty would make a good one.

 

Mesdames Hurd and Clapp were seen on Bay City streets Friday.

 

Mrs. Kink the new president of the Woman's club has appointed Mrs. Liggett in charge of the library and Mrs. Hurd as chairman of the program committee. Two wise selections as both are well known for their interest and ability.

 

The League met Thursday night at Homecroft and voted to renew the ten dollar prize money which has been offered for the past four years. Under the new terms the money will be divided between the four pupils who make the highest grades during the year. Professor Harbison was present and gave a very interesting talk on the school year.

 

Mrs. Emmitt Chiles who has been in Houston for ten days receiving treatment returned this week much improved.

 

Burton D. Hurd took a trip to Muskogee, Ok., where he secured the co-operation of the farmers for an onion planting of several hundred acres. I regret that our own farmers could not engage in this work and plant a crop that offers good opportunity for profit. Muskogee will now secure a drying plant which might as well be located right in this burg. Our folk are still in the primary spelling class and have not yet learned how to spell co-operation.

 

Mason Standish Holsworth tripped to Dallas on business and came back with a goodly slice of bacon so gossip states.

 

Wish our people would read the editorial in Saturday's Tribune about income tax plan sponsored by Representative Mauritz. When Carey Smith is right he is very, very right. It is good, wholesome dope and folks should become aroused lest this and similar revolutionary deals are put over on us.

 

Us Homecrofters, meaning I and the miserable wretch, were the guests of Mrs. Dena Hurd Saturday night and after our tummies were filled with chili con carne, con frijoles, cafe, mantaca de manzana, tostado de pan, fruita, et cetera, the radio was turned on and we listened to a delightful program provided by the General Electric company. First was, Adventures in Science, by Floyd Gibbons, startling interesting. This was followed by several numbers by Walter Damrosch, each one preceded with an explanation by Mr. Damrosch. His voice is pleasant to listen to and but discloses the beautiful character of the speaker. "He is a man with a great wonderful soul, a lover of humanity, a great musician." I have heard him several times and once was privileged to hear his famous father. Several numbers by the Russian Symphonic choir lifted me to an ecstatic height. My pulse ran up, my breath was stilled, little tremors ran through my body. I breathed music. The Litany as sung in the Greek Orthodox churches was inspiring. The voices blended until the closing bars seemed to be the notes of a grand organ. Inspiring? Yes, but more than that, for it was stimulating, exhilarating, exalting. I took one into world. When the last note died we had no taste for cheap jazz and came home to dream.

 

"Followed with acclamation and the sound

Symphonious of ten thousand harps,"

--Milton

 

As I listened to this wonderful music and tried to understand the wonders of radio I thought

 

"If Radio's slim fingers

Can pick a melody

From out the night

And toss it o'er a continent or sea,

If the petalled white notes

Of a violin

Are blown across a mountain

And o'er a city's din,

If songs like crimson roses

Are culled from thin blue air--

Then why should mortals wonder

If God hears prayer?"

 

This ended a perfect week.

 

The Daily Tribune, Tuesday, February 3, 1931

 


COLLEGEPORT

 

Misses Vera Williams and Marie Nestor spent the week-end in Bay City with Miss Williams' parents.

 

The Harbison family spent the week-end in Palacios.

 

The Woman's Union is to meet with Mrs. Harbison Thursday afternoon.

 

The Christian Endeavor society postponed its meeting to be sponsored by the juniors, Sunday night, to go to hear Gypsy Smith, the evangelist conducting services in Bay City.

 

A literary program is to be given at the community house Friday night if the good weather continues.

 

Both the school and the community are to take active parts.

 

The King family spent Sunday in Markham visiting Mrs. King's parents, Mr. and Mrs. P. T. Saunders.

 

Mrs. Gus Franzen and Dorothy, spent Saturday in Bay City.

 

Manford Foster and Verner Bowers are the proud owners of Chevrolet coupes.

 

The rain which fell Monday morning checked the farming. The farmers were so disappointed as they expected to start plowing on Monday.

 

Interesting basketball games can be played at night as the court is electrically lighted now.

 

School News.

 

Joe Earl Pollard is absent from school again on account of illness.

 

There were quite a few pupils absent from school today on account of illness and bad weather.

 

The girls' and boys' basketball teams went to El Maton to play ball Friday afternoon.

 

The primary room has begun to plan for Valentine.

 

Junior Chiles was real badly hurt and was absent from school Monday.

 

Lively games were played in the basement Monday as it was too wet to play on the school grounds.

 

The Daily Tribune, February 6, 1931

 


THOUGHTS ABOUT THE FIG OF TODAY

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

You can't always tell what a woman is by the way she looks and likewise you can't always tell how a fig orchard is by the way it looks--well to be plain they look like hell and gone.

 

Where yesterday there grew long rows of beautiful green fig trees, promising beautiful yields, today one sees acres of dry brown weeds, tall grass. One stops and wonders where are the figs of yesterday? Across the road from Homecroft yesterday was a beautiful orchard of perhaps thirty acres. Today the trees cannot be seen so tall are the dry brown weeds and grass. The trees are being choked to death and soon life in them will depart and there will be no chance for resurrection. Yesterday the watchful eye of Sam Sims was upon them. Today no eye looks after them. Why all this change? Simply because the orchard company, having fulfilled its contract to plant and care for the trees for a period of three years had elapsed and the property has been turned over to the owners. Nothing is worse for such property than to be left to the mercies of non-resident owners. The trees are neglected. They have not been pruned. Weeds have grown up and choked the life out of them. Their heart is still beating feebly, and there is yet time to apply first aid. Will it be done? I trust that many of the non-resident owners will read this and realizing that valuable property is going to ruin acreage for necessary work to be done right now during the next thirty days. I feel certain that the results will be pleasing and profitable. First thing is to plow the ground, turn the foul growth under, disk it up thoroughly, clean about each tree, prune, spray, the fresh, new delicate leaves. Keep them clean all summer and this fall plant the ground to a cover crop of say oats or barley. This will clean out the growth that no fig tree can exist with.

 

The soil at this writing is in fine condition for it has a good reason in it. Men who know something about the fig situation tell me that the outlook is for a good season I agree with them and all I know about it is what I observe with my eyes and what I read in the papers.

 

Al over the fig section men interested in the fruit are hopeful, they feel optimistic, they say that the tendency is for better prices for the grower and a more generous market for the packer. We have men here who may be trusted. Men who know how to do the work. Men who will not make exorbitant charges. it is now the time. Another six months and the ruin will be complete. The writer of these "Thoughts" will be glad to hear from any interested person and will take delight in assisting in the work in an advisory capacity and without charge. Wonder if the ruin will be completed.

 

Bought six screws, one and a half inches long, from a county store the other day and paid the price asked which was only fifteen cents or two and a half cents per screw. Today, I buy for twenty cents, from a mail order house, two hundred screws. And yet I am urged to buy at home. Patronize your home merchant. Maybe I will but not when I want screws.

 

Master Emmitt Chiles, Jr., fell from a table Sunday night alighting in a galvanized bucket and cutting a gash in his leg about three inches long and wide as one finger. He was taken to Doctor Ellot [Elliott] for treatment and is now doing well.

 

Not much traffic congestion at mail time since the late rains have slacked up the unimproved roads.

 

Cattle and mules are still running at large much to the distress of gardeners and shrub lovers.

 

Seth Corse shipped fifteen capons Monday that averaged ten pounds, at twenty-seven cents, runs into pretty fair money especially for just chickens.

 

An admirable plan that of the Bay City merchants to give away a registered heifer each month but I do not understand is why confine the purchases to Jerseys. Why not put in a few registered Holstein heifers, "the breed that leads."

 

Here is a bit of very interesting news: Since Dorothy Franzen has been boarding with Mother Franzen she has gained two pounds. I am not able to say where she placed these two pounds but she smiles and insists that it is two pounds. Guess it must be true.

 

Mr. John A. Wagner, a cousin of Hugo Kundinger is here from Waukegon, Ill., on his first vacation for thirty years. He is in no way to be blamed for being a kin to Hugo for he had nothing to do with the arrangement. Mr. Wagner is delighted with our Collegeport country and hopes to have a home here someday. He is amazed at the unexpected size and quality of Houston and Galveston. While here he had an opportunity to feast on our winter garden stuff, peas, spinach, beets, lettuce, turnips, et cetera, world without end and ad lib. Mr. Wagner is amazed, for never in his life has he been more than two hundred miles from "Good Old Chi."

 

Little bright eyes, sometimes called Mary Ellen, she with the bushy locks, has gone and went to a beauty parlor and now her hair is all close to her head and in beautiful waves that transforms the young lady into a charming personality. For her full name look in the city directory.

 

It is reported that Tom Hale dressed a five hundred pound hog the other day and yet I saw his maw in law buying bacon.

 

The Woman's Union met with Mrs. Harbison Thursday with good attendance, much work, more gab and all enjoyed the generous hospitality of the Harbison home.

 

James Della Betta suffering from a serious infection of the left arm and North Cable from a similar infection of the right hand report no progress towards recovery. Both received their primary injuries while working in the fig orchards.

 

One of our young ladies asked me to clean the caked mud from her shoes and as I am always glad to do things for the ladies I accepted the job and had a close view of a mighty handsome leg which of course I enjoyed as I claim to be a leg conoscente. I am using the word conoscente so the readers will know that I am quite up on the "Eyetalian" language. Eh Wat?

 

Mr. and Mrs. Mason Standish Holsworth motor to the city where the ships come into the slips fifty miles from the sea.

 

Eggs are down to ten cents per dozen, butterfat at eighteen, the lowest mark for twenty years. Fine thing for the buyer, but hell and repeat for the chicken and cow man. If Springfield folk realized how cheap one may live down in this "Magic Bottle" country ever last one would move down to Collegeport.

 

The Miserable Wretch is in mourning this day because she is unable to go to Bay City to attend the reception at the Hawkins home. This is one time we wish we owned an auto or a plane the latter preferred by her. For me I'll keep my nose about five feet six inches from the ground.

 

Saturday night I and the Miserable Wretch journeyed to Bay City to see the show at the Colonial. The animated cartoon was the best thing on the screen and reflected much credit on the crazy guy who invented or conceived it. They comedy was a cheap affair with too much rough house but it seemed to please folk who are easily amused. The feature, a Zane Grey adaptation, revealed some wonderful pictured scenery well up to the amazing spectacles the author portrays for us in his stories. I enjoy reading his tales just for the descriptions for he certainly is an artist in making his reader see the mountains, the brooks, the torrents, the storms.

 

I have just finished reading Robber's Roost running in Colliers. It would make a scream on the screen. The Last of the Duanes is not of much interest for it is not too well played. It is not up to the author's style. It seemed to me to have been emasculated until it appeared cheap. The pictures of mountains and valleys and streams were alone worth the price of admission, but I would not pay ten cents to again see the characters do their stunts.

 

The Colonial is a little gem of a theatre but to my notion too small for such a growing village as is Bay City. I do not like the talkies for there is nothing stimulating in a love scene when the heroine says in a deep gruff voice, "I love you Buck and could live here forever with just you." Would like to see Charlie Chaplin in his last picture a silent one. No words are necessary for he can talk with his face and his feet. Bay City was a busy place all aglow with lights of many colors and the streets filled with parked autos. Hundreds of them, costing many thousands of dollars. As I looked at them, saw the people spending money right and left buying drinks, tickets to the show, burning gas. I turned to my faithful rib and said "Don't tell me that there is such a thing as hard times." It simply does not exist with such opulence, such abundance, such wealth.

 

Say isn't highway 58 a peach? Isn't it a delight to ride home over "nine-foot sidewalk?" How thankful we should be that mud no longer has terrors. Thirty-two miles from home and yet in forty-five minutes we were safe at Homecroft. Now let me tell you Northern folk that when you come to Matagorda county and visit Bay City you will see one beautiful burg. Stop when you drive through, take a cup of coffee, and then with the added strength gained by the stimulant, come on down to Collegeport and see us Homecrofters.

 

Two important events are on the card for June, one the 16th, when I celebrate my birthday and the other the twenty-ninth when one of my girl friends celebrates hers. Looks as though we would have to pull off some real stuff during June especially as there will be a wedding on the thirty-first of that month.

 

The Daily Tribune, Tuesday, February 10, 1931

 


COLLEGEPORT

 

Community News.

 

The Bay View teachers went to Bay City Saturday to attend institute.

 

Mr. Travis preached Sunday morning and evening had a good attendance.

 

Dorothy Franzen took suddenly ill Friday night. She has been out of school for two days.

 

The Frank King family spent Sunday in West Columbia with relatives.

 

Miss Nestor spent the week-end with Miss Williams in Bay City.

 

A surprise party was given in the Prunty home celebrating Charley's birthday. Everybody had an enjoyable time.

 

A birthday party was given at the Harbison home Friday night celebrating Olive's twelfth birthday.

 

Dorothy Franzen gave a bridge party Thursday night.

 

The Washington banquet will be given Friday night, Feb. 20.

 

School News.

 

Miss Dorothy Franzen was away from school Monday on account of illness. Miss Mamie Franzen took charge of her room. We hope Miss Franzen will be able to be back soon.

 

There were about nine pupils absent from school Monday, as the King's bus did not get in, due to bad roads after the downpour Sunday night.

 

Miss Williams lost one of her pupils last Wednesday when Millie Gregory left. The family is moving to Claudine.

 

The children all enjoyed the valentine boxes in each room Friday afternoon after recess. They two rooms upstairs went together for games, also, the two rooms downstairs.

 

All pupils who expect to take part in the interscholastic league work are working every day now, and expect to continue up to the last day.

 

Misses Nestor and Williams spent the week-end in Bay City with Miss Williams' parents.

 

The Daily Tribune, Wednesday, February 18, 1931

 


THOUGHTS ABOUT THE FIG OF TOMORROW

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

A prognosticator is not without honor except in his own country. Therefore, I trust that up north, among the folk who dwell in the land of the Illini, they will give me a small percent of honor, for down here, where I am well known, it is also well known, that I am of that virtue.

 

We read in the Bible about "lying under his own vine and fig tree." This does not refer to the fruit we are writing about for the Magnolia fig is a unique fruit. It requires no pollination, has no bloom, grows directly on the wood, and never produces seed. Many varieties of fig have been grown, but none have been found to equal what is known as the Magnolia. The tree is a vigorous grower, stands extreme cold, attains great age and is a continual bearer until it s death.

 

There are trees now living in the Midcoast, that are known to be over one hundred years old and still bearing. The fruit grows slowly until about thirty hours before maturity and then it begins to swell, becomes tender, fills with a sweet, honey-like substance and then it must be picked rapidly and preserved in short time else deterioration begins. For this reason, it will not stand long shipments in its raw state. The fig is a bit particular about the soil in which it grows and for that reason it seems to not be a great commercial success east of the Sabine or South of the Nueces rivers. This means that the Midcoast is the natural habitat and that Matagorda county enjoys a position that makes the growing of fig a profitable business.

 

In Matagorda county there is no soil more suitable for its culture than that of the "Magic Bottle." Hundreds of acres about Collegeport provide suitable soil and climate conditions for the profitable growing of this fruit. Here two prominent features that are required are provided by nature--good drainage and moisture. These we have and the soils only await the effort of man to provide generous profits. The territory is small--the market is large. This means that successful competition is lacking. It only remains for the preserving plant to educate people to the great food value of figs and their delicious, delectable, palate-tantalizing sweetness.

 

The grower, preserver and distributor have received some well merited and bitter lessons but it has been in no way the fault of the fig. The failures have been due to the omissions and errors of man. Because of these failures the fig has become anathema to the grower as well as the preserver and distributor. This position is ridiculous.

 

They are trying to ignore or minimize unpalatable facts. Their treatment of the fig reminds me of the child who attempted to blow out an electric light. This fig can not be blown out. It has been here for one hundred years, it is here today and will be tomorrow. Therefore, the thing to do is solve the problems.

 

"De foist thing is to loin how." "Oh, yeah?" But how? We can produce the fruit. No person denies that and we can preserve it for we can have an up to date cannery. Distribution? Ah, that's the rock that has caused many an enthusiast to become a financial wreck. How to induce people to buy the produce at a price that will enable the grower and the cannery to make a fair profit is a nuf that some one will crack. Preserved figs are today not a necessity, but a luxury. If people could be educated to the food values of the fig it appears that the solution might be near. Considering the food value of the fig it should be known that they are among the first of all our fruits. Therefore, why not discontinue offering it to purchasers as a preserve, a sweetmeat, a confection and instead dwell on its value as a great health food. On that basis it can stand alone and fear no competition. Well, anyway, after all this string, the thought that is prominent in my mind is that the fig of tomorrow will be handled in a different manner and that those who are fortunate enough to own an orchard should hold fast, cultivate, prune, spray, keep their trees growing, for the fig from all indications is coming into its own and then it will be on a permanent and profitable basis. Why not try it out? You will get a kick out of it anyway and a kick now a days is not to be sneezed at. "Mirabile dietu" if you know what it is about.

 

Reverend Shurneff of Garwood was here Sunday the eight, and held services in the community house. It is hoped that arrangements may be made by which he will visit this place twice each month. He is an earnest and forceful speaker and our people are delighted with the prospect of having him with them often. The only objection I can find, is his youth, for he states that he has celebrated only 13 birthdays. He is a smart person who has the nerve to confess that he is not a Christian. Might be well for all of us to be as honest. In my opinion none of us are Christians. We are all striving to be Christians. Only one person has ever made the grade and that was the gentle Jesus who gave the world an example to follow.

 

The word Christian covers a multitude of evasions and tergiversations.

 

 It is as great an act to earnestly strive to follow the footsteps of the Master as to actually step in them. This we cannot expect, but striving gains us strength and after some years we approach perfection. So I honor that person who confesses "I am not a Christian." I also have little veneration for the person who never tries to become Christ-like.

 

This reminds me that soon the Boy Scout movement in Matagorda county is twenty years old for in 1911 Collegeport had the honor to organize the first troop of Boy Scouts and when the intracoastal canal was opened in 1912 the troop went by boat to Galveston and took part in the water review and was featured in the big parade. Governor Colquitt visited their camp and spoke to them as also did Clarence Holland and Roy Miller. The Scouts camped on the Galvez hotel lawn and were given the privileges of the hotel baths.

 

Mr. J. J. Rodenbaugh, former publisher of the Collegeport New Era, bicycled into town Monday from Galveston where he is operating a print shop. He sees few familiar faces for the facial expression of this burg has changed.

 

Not satisfied with having their wages raised to ten dollars per day and generous travel expenses, some of the members of the legislature will try to pass a bill allowing them free transportation on railway trains and bus lines. Why not go farther and require dairymen to furnish them with milk, grocers with free groceries, dry goods stores with free goods and compel banks to lend them money without security and free of interest charge. One is as consistent as the other and both are grafting. They better take a tip and lay off or some of them will be laid off permanently. Folks are about fed up a plenty with such doings.

 

I have known G. A. Moore for about twenty years and have learned to value him as one of the finest men I have ever met. We had many a pleasant and happy visit and I often told him that I would like to move to Bay City so that I might vote for him. I was shocked when I read of his passing. But what a wonderful passing! He finished his days work and unknown to him his life work. He passed through the streets on his way home greeting his friends with his pleasant smile and happy words. He arrived home and when the evening meal was ready he went to the table and bowing his head thanked God for his many mercies. At the conclusion God took him to Himself. It was a fit climax to the life he had lead. A man of strong conviction and fearless in his expressions of what he believed to be right or wrong. A willing community worker, a valued friend, a splendid husband and father. O, yes, G. A. Moore will be missed as I shall miss him the next time I visit Bay City.

 

"Nothing is here of the tears, nothing to wail

Or rock the breast, no weakness, no contempt,

Dispraise or blame, nothing but well and fair,

And what may quiet us in a death so noble."

--Milton.

 

The Collegeport Woman's club met Thursday with Mrs. Burton D. Hurd s hostess. It having been circulated that Mrs. Hurd as chairman of the program committee had something new on the card every member was present and several guests. Maybe they smelled the eats, however, they were on hand. Considerable business was transacted and then Mrs. Hurd started her program which consisted of a stunt illustrating a woman's club operating without rules or order every fellow talking when and as long as he wished, disregarding the presiding officer and this was followed by the same club, organized under approved rules of order. It provided much wholesome amusement and first class instruction. The programs for the year under Mrs. Hurd's direction will continue to be interesting and instructive. Eats? How could I forget them? Mrs. Hurd sent me a plate of ravishing chicken sandwiches (six, count 'em) that enchanted me, transported me into realms of gustatorial delights. Not content with that, I had a big plate of puffles something I had never met up with and almost as good as truffles.

 

I do not know whether some of our girls are diseased or not but when they wear men's panties they appear to be afflicted with an aggravated condition known as steatopygia. This condition is noticed especially when one of them pant wearers backs out of an auto with half of her inside and half of the outside. Then is where one is almost sure that she really is suffering from steatopygia. Don't do it girls. It looks awful to the sidewalk observer.

 

Reading Farm Notes by Frank O. Montague, I notice he has promoted Clarence Holland to be a colonel. Monty does not know it but Clarence Holland never drew a sword except to decapitate a cold bottle or slice a hot bird although he did one time at Port O'Connor draw blood from a bottle of tomato catsup. If Clarence Holland is entitled to any honor he should be made a general for he has for many years been a general hustler for things that mean much to the inhabitants of the Midcoast.  We love and respect Clarence Holland not because he is called a colonel but for the many worthy works to which he has given his time and money generously. Now Monty, take my advice and give them man C. S. E. Holland a promotion and hereafter let him be General Holland. If Frank Montague puts his better pasture plan through I don't care a tall, what else he does I'll call him Major Montague.

 

Matagorda County Tribune, February 19, 1931

 


THOUGHTS ABOUT FRICTION

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

[Local information taken from longer article.]

 

The other day thanks to my good pal Mollie, I and the miserable wretch journeyed over to the Crescent V ranch to spend the day with Mr. and Mrs. Louis Duffy. Mrs. Duffy is well known as Ella Mae, while Mr. Duffy is just Louie. We saw the canary, the baby rabbit, the little armadillos, the big imported Brahma bull, droopy and many other things of interest but the best was that Ella Mae seems to [be] starting out all right for she had Louie at the wash board and he did a splendid job. Ella Mae served a real dinner, meat from the ranch, vegetables from the garden, fruits from cans, flowers of her own raising and then when we started for home she hung about my neck a big fat link of home grown sausage. Ella Mae and Louie are making good.

 

The stock law is a sure fire joke in this section. Not only do the animals congregate on and about the "nine-foot sidewalk" in dozens, but they graze all over the townsite and about the yards and gardens. Some folks turn their cows out every morning to wander where they will and drive them in at night. It shows a contempt for law which is not beautiful.

 

Spring is here. Trees are in bud. Grasses growing. Hens laying seven-cent eggs. Cows giving generous quantities of seventeen-cent butter far, farmers planting more nine-cent cotton and fifty cent corn.

 

I have for many years enjoyed the study of "nature life" and for that reason like to see others engaged in the same occupation. The other day I observed one of our fairest young ladies studying insect life. It was a mosquito that persisted in biting the calf of her leg. The insect certainly showed good taste for I also would have enjoyed taking a small bite. So long as the insect confined his operations to the calf of the leg I took little interest, for legs below the knee are common stuff but the little pest believed in rising in the world and started boring about six inches above the knee and believe me or not as you please I began the study of insect life that very moment. I became so interested in a close view of an insect seeking his living that I did not realize the approach of the miserable wretch. Shucks, I had to quit my studies. Her presence acted as a sort of repercussion on my nature study activities.

 

In one of these strings I congratulated the Farmers Storage company on having Vern Batchelder as is local manager. I shall send them no more congratulations for the simple reason that he shows favoritism to his customers. He makes wonderful sandwiches for his lady customers and refuses the same courtesy to the men. I shall wait with patience until I find him out of town and then I will visit the store knowing that "little bright eyes" will make me a swell sandwich. I am glad that I have one friend in that dump.

 

Carl Boeker drove down from Springfield for a few days visit and business and returns first of the week.

 

Seth Corse has a hen that lays trade marked eggs. He found one in the nest Friday that bore on one side in bright red a mark about the size of one half a nickel.

 

For twenty years the Woman's Union, a church organization, has observed the birthday of our first president with a community banquet. This year it was held on Friday night and about one hundred and fifty from all parts of the county were present. The menu provided by the members of the union was up to the well known standard and consisted of roast chicken with dressing and gravy, mashed potatoes, cold slaw, Parker house rolls, Jello, angel food and coffee.

 

Mrs. Richard Corporon played the entrance march while Mrs. L. E. Liggett, introduced Rev. M. A. Travis, as the toastmaster for the evening. The principal address was delivered by Rev. W. H. Haley, pastor of the Bay City Christian church. Piano solo by Miss Unger and those present stood while all sang The Star Spangled Banner.

 

It being the first Friday in Lent us two lone Anglicans were not present but we did not miss much for no noodles were provided. It was an enjoyable occasion and the ladies are entitled to credit for having continued this custom for so many years. Next year the 200th anniversary of Washington's birth will be celebrated. All over the nation plans are being made for this event. Some of the principle things on the program are the restoration of Washington's birthplace at Wakefield, Va., the opening and dedication of the twelve-mile highway that connects the national capitol with the old Washington home at Mount Vernon, naming of the George Washington Memorial Potomac highway.

 

Now is the time for our local ladies to begin plans for a banquet in 1932 that will draw from all parts of the county.

 

Might as well have three hundred as half that number. Let us plan that while the Woman's Union sponsors the affair that the Woman's Club, the King's Daughters and the Industrial League become associated with the movement and begin this month notifying the county that February 22, 1932 this community will celebrate in a proper and fitting manner and that all of Matagorda county is invited to be present.

 

My official smuggler has at last succeeded in getting across the border a supply of English cigs and Old English smoking tobacco, made in Newcastle On the Tyne. The package arrived Tuesday and I gave Seth Corse a supply for his jimmy pine. He reports that the first drag made him a bit dizzy and therefore he mixed in a little R. J. R. and was able to repeat the adventure.

 

When Rev. M. A. Travis becomes tired of seeing the common faces so plentiful in the Valley he hikes to this burg and for a week or ten days basks in the presence of Royalty and returns home well filled with good food which gives him strength to go back and rescue a few more.

 

My readers will be glad to know that the vexations, distressing, tormenting, prohibition question will be settle for all time next Friday night. On that occasion Professor Harbison has arranged a debate the subject being: "Shall the prohibition amendment be repealed?"

 

Great talent, wise talent has been assigned each side of the question and I feel sure that congress and President Hoover will feel great relief. Leave it to our Professor to settle the matters.

 

The miserable wretch started out the other day and feeling generous I said "That is sure a swell dress you have on." and she smiled and replied "O this is just an 'onsumubl.'" Do you get it? Just a little ensemble, but if you know what it means. In my ignorance I thought it was a dress. A trifle more onsombul would be a fine thing for some of our gals.

 

The Daily Tribune, Wednesday, February 25, 1931

 


COLLEGEPORT

 

Community News

 

Miss Mary Sliva spent the week-end at home with her mother and brother. She returned to Houston Sunday afternoon.

 

Reverend Shurtley preached Sunday morning. There were no services Sunday night because of the rainy weather.

 

Miss Mary Conover spent Sunday in Collegeport visiting friends.

 

Coda and Oren Harvey were taken to Bay City last Friday to have their tonsils removed. They are both doing well.

 

The literary society which was organized about four weeks ago is planning to give a program Friday night at the community house.

 

The Washington banquet of last Friday night was a great success. The dinner was one of the best ever served at any of our community affairs. About 120 people were present.

 

Mr. Carl Boeker of Illinois is visiting in Collegeport.

 

The Merck family had a reunion Sunday. All the children were home but Jesse and Gerald.

 

Henry King of West Columbia is visiting his brother, Mr. Frank King.

 

School News.

 

Ovin and Coda Harvey went to Doctor Loos' hospital in Bay City last Thursday to have their tonsils removed. They are getting along nicely.

 

The junior girls and boys indoor baseball teams played match games last Friday, also, the junior boys basketball team. The junior girls won over the visiting team but both junior boys' teams lost.

 

Curtis Lee Keith was absent from school Monday, on account of illness.

 

Lurlene Thompson visited her grandmother in Houston during the week-end.

 

The school children are very eager to take part in the "Literary Society" of the community and help out all they can. We are planning a program for Friday night.

 

All entering for tennis in the county meet play four days out of the week and any others may play on Friday.

 

The Daily Tribune, Wednesday, February 25, 1931

 


THOUGHTS ABOUT LENT

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

[Local information taken from longer article.]

 

During the past few weeks I have read two books drawn from our library. One is Abie's Irish Rose, a sweet, clean, wholesome, tale, full of salubrious humor. A fine tale for our boys and girls. The other is All Quiet on the Western Front. It drips with pus, filthy, slimy suggestions and I consider it as unfit to have a place in our library or to be at the disposal of our youth. It was condemned by the German government, I suspect not because of its salaciousness, but because it told the truth about conditions in the German army. It contains some rich humor, as for example, at one time during the last months of the war a hospital doctor examined a man who had lost one leg by amputation and had been provided with a wooden one. The doctor classed him as A1 and ordered him to the front. The soldier remonstrated and the doctor informed him "you can stand in the trench and shoot as well as if you had two good legs." The soldier replied "I suppose if they shoot my head off, I will be provided with a wooden head and promoted to be a doctor."

 

Some time ago I asked the library board to purchase The Conqueror, Blennerhasset and Josephine, Empress of the French. The board refused because they cost too much. They are rather high in price, say two dollars, but they are clean and healthful reading and one needs no gas mask when reading them as one does when reading All Quiet on the Western Front.

 

This book should not be placed on the shelves but in a gas proof tank and only given out to the puissant.

 

A man walked into the Bay City Piggly Wiggly the other day and asked for R. J. R. and the man in charge said "I not only have no tobacco by that name, but have never heard of it." Here I have been advertising R. J. R. for years and now I find that a dealer in the necessities of life has never heard of R. J. R. Such ignorance these days is inexcusable.

 

Well Thursday night about thirty classified as "femme converte" and ten classified as "femme sole" held a "fete champetre" at the home of Louise Walter in honor of Mrs. Walter's umpty umpty birthday. It was a complete surprise as intended by their daughter, Louise, when she sent out the invitations. Games of all sorts occupied the time and coffee and angel food satisfied the cravings.

 

Mrs. Walter was born in Alsace-Lorraine and came to Collegeport about twenty-two years ago, so she is classed with what we call old timers.

 

Friday Mrs. Dena Hurd, having some business in Bay City, asked the miserable wretch to accompany her, which she did. Do you remember how the rain poured all day in rivers? Well, I remember it well. Thanks to highway 58 and our own beautiful "nine-foot sidewalk" they arrived home safe and sound and dry.

 

That makes me remember the fine work the county is doing fixing up our road with new shell. Already twelve cars have been spread and I am informed that one hundred fifty cards will be used between here and El Maton. The shell portion of the road now will be wider and thicker.

 

Planting time is here. Seed is going into the ground where, trusting to the fecundity of mother nature, it will in due time bring forth its hundred or more fold. The smell of clean, wholesome soil is in the air. The unplowed ground is green with new grass just waking from its sleep, the trees are full of buds and on the figs are seen fresh, green leaves. The road from our gate is lined with burr clover and it looks as though some hand had spread a carpet of green plush. Soon it will be a primrose way and then a yellow daisy way, but no matter the season it is always a beautiful way for those who travel afoot and have eyes to see the beauties of nature. An examination of the fig trees will show tiny figs just aborning and so numerous are they that one is warranted in dreaming of an abundant crop.

 

I hope my vision will come true and the plant will operate again this season.

 

A fellow from Nebraska writes "If the Tribune pays you fifty cents per annum for what you think, it pays forty cents too much. Lay off and give the miserable wretch a rest." I'd bet a dollar against one of Ehlert's doughnuts that this bird borrows the Tribune. Send me a dollar and fifty cents brother and you will have the Tribune for a full year and then you will enjoy "Thoughts."

 

The proposed debate on prohibition failed to argue Friday night, for mother nature stepped in and gave judgment to favor of the wets. Shows that nature has better judgment than some men.

 

Professor Harbison appeals from this judgment, grants a new trial and sets the next conclave for Friday night, March 6. The judgment of the first court will probably be affirmed as it should.

 

The Rose and the Lilly accompanied the Boyd family to Bay City Saturday night to see the show. I did not see the Rose, but the Lilly was one sweet girl with her beautiful gold bronze locks. I always have been popular with the girls and still have the power to charm them as witness this. My dear friend Bobbie Mildred Chiles came to Homecroft the other day with a gift for Mr. Clapp. The gift consisted of four new potatoes and six cookies all wrapped up in proper packages. She is a sweet little girl and I love her very much. Not many little girls are so thoughtful.

 

Saturday night as I was perched on the "Buzzard's Roost," a Ford passed and a hand waved at me from the window and a voice greeted me. I had a fleeting glimpse of a fair face but that was all. Sooner or later they all fall for me. Come over to Homecroft some day fair one and let me see you face to face. Hope she brings some more potatoes, lettuce and onions.

 

Butter fat is now twenty cents and cow milkers begin to look happy once more. During this week our folk have been so virtuous, pure, exemplary, blameless, that there is no scandal to record so I will stop thinking until tomorrow and then the "moving finger" will begin to write.

 

The Daily Tribune, Wednesday, March 4, 1931

 


THOUGHTS ABOUT A GARDEN

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

"I've often wished that I had clear,

For life, six hundreds pounds a year.

A handsome house to lodge a friend

A river at my garden's end."

--Swift.

 

This is the song that James Della Betta sings each morn as he goes to have a look-see at his beautiful garden. I went over yesterday to see what I could see. The garden is perhaps one hundred fifty by one hundred fifty feet. The planting is arranged in rows that are ridged in this case by hand with a hoe. This provides splendid drainage and keeps the feet of the plants out of the cold water of winter. Here I found cabbage, perhaps nine hundred lineal feet, with big heads hard and crisp. As fine a product as any man grows I care not where. Beets with tops two feet high and with big red roots beautifully shaped and full of tantalizing promises for the pot with its liquor. Onions? Oh, yes, row upon row of thrifty plants with bulbs ready for the harvest. This land is a wonder soil for the growing of onions. It is a pleasure to grow them, for they respond so quickly to cultivation and they seem to look up at the blue sky and smile. And there are no tears in the Della Betta onions. Lettuce with heads as large as a cabbage, crisp and brittle as an icicle.

 

If one wishes to see head lettuce visit Jimmy's garden. And then comes endive, collards, mustard, turnips, all ready for the pot and the resultant pot liquor in which one may dunk the cornpone. The turnips are well formed, crisp, white, juicy and tender.

 

Garlic, well, why shouldn't an Italian raise garlic? It would be well if more Americans used this healthful plant. Us Homecrofters got thoroughly inoculated with the garlic habit while living in Mexico and so we have it on hand all the time and never is meat cooked without garlic and we are not satisfied with simply rubbing a plate with it. English peas are there in their delicate green coats and alongside are rows of string and snap beans. A touch of parsley adds savor to the garden while carrots with their beautiful foliage gives a new touch of color. When we have carrots we cut off the foliage and put it in a vase and it makes a beautiful table ornament.

 

If you don't believe try it. Swiss chard as long as one's arm and as brittle and crisp as an old maid's kiss.

 

This is the tale of Jimmy's garden. A winter garden. There are others, over at Liggetts, at Louie Walters, at Franzen's and in fact all over this "Magic Bottle' one may find beautiful gardens. We have all winter been on a vegetable debauch, a saturnalian and jollification of plant life orgies.

 

This is common down here where winter truck is possible and now comes a repetition in spring gardens.

 

I don't know how Mamie Franzen knew I was writing about gardens but she evidently did for this morning an auto slithered into our yard. I heard a door slam, and then came my dandy friend Mamie with a beautiful bouquet of green, red and white.

 

Great big beets, with tops six feet long or less, cabbage that I am afraid to weigh for fear it will break my scales, but it must weigh fifteen pounds or less and onions with long, beautiful green stems and crystal white bulbs one of which would make a meal for a family of twenty or less. It sure was a swell of saying "I love you."

 

I guess Gus and Ellen had something to do about it, so here us Homecrofters send thanks to [the] entire family. I am not forgetting that us (meaning Mamie and Harry) celebrate birthdays in June.

 

Watch out folks for one grand, gorgeous, superb, brilliant, fiesta when the June flowers bloom.

 

Since writing the above I have found that Mamie's bouquet was a gastronomical delight.

 

Louis Walter's garden is less than one-fifth of an acre in area and yet from this small patch this winter besides what he used for family consumption, he has sold more than fifty dollars worth of vegetables or at the rate of more than two hundred and fifty dollars per acre. He will now bend his energies to the planting of cotton from which he will be lucky to realize twenty-five dollars from a full acre. When as, and if, our canning factory is provided with equipment for canning vegetables owners of fig orchards will have another avenue for profit for vegetables may easily be grown between the rows of trees.

 

March certainly came in like a lion. Saturday night a norther fresh and crisp from the north pole blew in at the rate of about fifty miles per hour with a temperature of 40. All day the first and second it continued but at evening time the wind ceased, the clouds disappeared, the moon was smiling in a cloudless sky and the morning of the third the temperature was down to 36 at 6:30 a. m., but before noon stood at 74 and so we all smile once more.

 

For the benefit of the piscatorial member will state that fishing is picking up and soon they will be ready to eat shrimp but what the fish will not eat I and the miserable wretch will consume.

 

Cy Plunkett has eggs to sell and is bellyaching day and night about the low price of eggs.

 

The price of eggs bothers me not but boy when it comes to the price of hides then is when I object. Recently I had two hides that weighed seven-seven pounds. Shipped them to Houston and after I had paid one dollar for skinning, 20 cents for freight, a total of $1.95, I received in full settlement a check for $1.93. I can now sympathize with Cy for I, too have an intestinal agitation that is quite painful.

 

The Woman's Union met Thursday with Mrs. Helen Holsworth, the occasion being the annual election of officers. Without resistance, hindrance, or opposition, the old officers were returned. No wonder they were returned for during the year their efforts have resulted in the brining into the treasury the sum of $280 and at this date there is a balance of $62 on hand. Not a bad showing for a small bunch of women, in a very small burg. God only knows what they would do if they were located in Bay City. The same bunch do the gathering for the King's Daughters and the Woman's Club.

 

Wednesday there arrived from Springfield, Ill., Mr. and Mrs. Peterson. They came here to look the place over, drink the water, sample the climate, congregate, assemble convene, with the people and then perhaps, who knows, but that they will build a home and settle down in this land of "heart's desire." Their coming adds two more humans to our population. Isn't it wonderful to grow? They are staying with Mrs. Ramsey, corner of Avenue K and Sixth street, or in other words, just back of the canning factory.

 

The Bruno Adams Fig Orchard is getting a good cleaning up and soon will be spick and span. What a grand thing it would be if all the non-resident owners would have their orchards cleaned up and kept in that condition. They would if they realized the value of their property. In my opinion "Figs is Figs," this year.

 

Frank King is deputy sheriff for this bailiwick and he is making an earnest effort to clear the streets, highways and public places of stray cattle and other stock. With the cooperation of the public he can do it, but if they refuse to aid him he will be obliged to turn them in and that will be quite costly to the offender.

 

A petition is being circulated asking the county court to shell the road from the nine-foot sidewalk to railroad crossing near the warehouse. It states that we freeholders, residents, taxpayers, and some are not even residents. I wonder if those who circulate this petition think they will fool the county court by use of names which add nothing to the strength of the prayer but actually detract from its cogency. I signed the petition and was glad to do it for the proposed improvement is badly needed. That piece of road is about the same as nothing more than half the time. We can not have too many good roads and in my opinion every fellow has the right to ride over passable roads.

 

Well, anyway, as Josh Billings once said, "After awl ced and' dun, the gran' secret of winning is to win."

 

En passant (if you cannot read ask Louise Walter), but anyway, I love the French, so en passant.

 

Friday night Frances Mayfield drove into our yard. She will be remembered as the girl who placed the health nurse work on the Matagorda county map. Frances is a most welcome guest at Homecroft and we had a very enjoyable visit. She is now located at Georgetown and is having fine success in her work. She has the co-operation of County Agent McCulum and O. W. Sherrill at one time county agent, but now graduated to the presidency of the Guaranty State Bank, both old friends of mine, for while I was in the extension service I worked with them. Saturday morning she took the miserable wretch to Markham where the latter was the delegate to the county federation meeting. A delegate is one sent by any constituency to sit as its representative in a convention, so you see my gal was way up in one of the front seats. She delivered the report from the local club. She met Mrs. Ewing from Van Vleck and Mrs. Ewing told her that they read "Thoughts" with interest and can hardly wait until the Tribune arrives. Shows that the Ewings belong to the intelligent.

 

"Food alike those pure intelligential substances require."--Milton.

 

The Petersons arrived here, as already recorded, on Wednesday afternoon, but by Saturday morning they had enough, abundance, plenty, sufficiency and beat it back to Springfield. Next time Doctor Van sends people down here let him send those who will stay long enough to say "howdeedoo" to our folks. Forty-eight hours is not time sufficient to even take a bath in our beautiful bay, let along drinking enough water to become acclimated. Send 'em down, Doctor, but send stayers for God knows, we want people who are not suffering from nostalgia.

 

It is reported that Burton D. Hurd arrived in our city Friday night. I do not know as this is true for up to this moment I have no evidence as to the truthfulness of the report. If it be true I hope he stays long enough to have something besides dinner, lodging and breakfast. We need Burton here about as much as they need him way up north.

 

The Daily Tribune, Wednesday, March 11, 1931

 


THOUGHTS ABOUT WHILE LOOKING AT LEGS

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

Noah Webster defines a good leg as "a course sailed on a tack which is near the desired course." Isn't that a sweet definition of a good leg? I always have depended on Noah's good judgment but this shows he knows little about legs. Of course, when a man is looking at a good leg, he is about as nervous as if he was on a tack and it is never necessary that he sails on a tack for sitting is sufficient.

 

The legs I am looking at this week are sort of degage if you know what I mean. If not, I will say they are easy and unconstrained, soothing to the eye. They are the lovely and necessary supports to the beautiful body of one of our sweet girls. They are always reverently and decently clothed in lustrous silk. When they are in the line of my vision I can see nothing else, think of nothing else, so these thoughts perchance may be rambling.

 

Here is where I begin to ramble as these graceful legs pass into and out of my line of vision. I notice by reading the paper that the Central Power and Light company plan to spend several millions in power extensions, but not one word do I read about building a line down to this burg. Here we are between two big pincers of light and gas. One going down to Matagorda and the other to Palacios and we are left without light or heat. They better change their name for central means "relating to the center." This outfit will never be able to sell its bonds in a satisfactory manner until they recognize that Collegeport is a central point.

 

Come on down, look us over, give us heat, and watch yourself grow. I notice from reading a graf supplied by the U. S. Department Commerce that taking 100 as an average that coal production stands at 65; freight car loadings at 60; petroleum production at 100; building contracts at 75; cotton receipts at 100; business failures at 115; money rates at 98; stock prices at 150; loans of F. R. member banks at 120; money in circulation at 105. Some of this dope is encouraging, some a bit minus but taken well mixed is far from being a noxious dose.

 

I judge we are on the way to a recovery. During the past week I read The Light in the Clearing by Irving Bacheller. It features the life of Silas Wright, a man who "carried the candle of the Lord." He lived in the time of Henry Clay, was a United States senator, refused cabinet appointments, a seat on the bench of the supreme court, rejected a nomination to the vice presidency, refused to be put in nomination for the presidency. I never knew such a remarkable man had lived in our country. He did, and I am glad that I have read about him and I suggest that our boys and girls and the old folks read The Light in the Clearing. It's good stuff.

 

Here is something worth remembering, a pound of cotton will not buy a pound of meat; the dairy cow gives a pay check every week in the year, her product is worth two and one-half times the value of the cotton crop; it is worth two and one-half times the value of our beef cattle industry; she returns to the soil 75 per cent to 90 per cent of the properties contained in her feed. Well, anyway, in my opinion religion is of little value if it does not begin with the individual.

 

Revivalists often try to save the soul of society. It cannot be done. Lord's spirit must rest and abide in the soul of the individual, if the soul of society is to be saved.

 

Thinking about saving adults, wonder how many know that since the year 1800 we have suffered three great rises in prices and three great depressions. Taking 100 as the price in 1913 we find that in 1800 prices were about 180 and that as the war of 1812 approached prices rose until they reached 255 the highest in the history of our country. The decline came quickly and at the time of the civil war had gone to 95 but in 1860 up hill they climbed until 195 was reached then a sharp decline again way down to 75 which was reached in 1895. Following that a gradual rise until the time of the late war and again the familiar quick rise to 225 and then the decline until in 1930 prices stood around 145. These periods in the history of our country are like epidemics of some strange disease that visits us in regular cycles.

 

H. Beerbohm Tree says "The process of acquiring a swelled head is a most fascinating and pleasant state. It is not only the subsequent shrinkage which hurts." This is a true saying and worthy to be believed by all men.

 

Well, anyway, Sunday being the third Sunday in Lent, came Doctor Hood with his sixteen cylinder auto and took us to Palacios for service. There we met a big bunch of church folk from Bay City, Markham, Blessing and it seemed like coming home. The Right Rev. Clinton S. Quin, Bishop of Texas, was present and preached on the Lenten Fast and during his discourse, he suggested that it might be a good thing for some of us to deny us the pleasure of gossiping during the Lenten season. Rev. Paul Engle read the service.

 

Mr. and Mrs. George Harrison brought us home so we have thanks for our good friends Hood and Harrison. Tuesday, Rev. Paul Engle visited Homecroft and gave us the Holy Eucharist and has promised to come again during the Holy week. During this season he will visit every communicant of the church in this county, no small job when one understands how scattered they are. Thus does the church care for her children.

 

I commend L. E. Liggett for taking an advance step in he cattle industry for he brought in fourteen pure bred Hereford heifers and a pure bred bull. One of them has been a visitor in my pasture for a few days and if all are like this sample they are a fine bunch and typical beef animals.

 

Clarence Darrow and Dr. True Wilson traveled all over Canada and the United States hunting up facts about the prohibition question and then they spoke on the same platform in many of our cities. They do not agree on the subject but each told of his opinion. It was left to our local folk to solve the problem for Friday night the question was discussed in the community house. Mrs. Burton D. Hurd and James Hale argued that the amendment should be enforced, while Louise Walter and Marie Nestor resolved that it should be repealed. The judges Messrs. Kundinger, Nelson and Batchelder decided in favor of the latter so all of us distillers and brewers may understand that the final repeal of the amendment is only a matter of form.

 

An old fashioned singing school and a musical program provided entertainment for the audience.

 

Here is something that should cause those who love war to reflect. A German statistician estimates that the total cost of the war to all nations involved and the neutrals was close to $500,000,000. This is a stupendous sum. He states that it would have provided for every family in the United States, Great Britain, Germany, France, Russia, Belgium, Canada and Australia a $2,500 home on a five-acre tract of land with furniture worth $1,250 and enough would be left over to establish for each group of 20,000 families a hospital, university and school including salaries of nurses, doctors, professors and teachers. He says the war cost 11,000,000 lives at the rate of one every 13 seconds, while the conflict raged. More than 19,000,000 were mutilated; enough to repopulate Spain if it were wiped out. Little wooden crosses in war cemeteries if placed side by side would stretch from Paris through Europe and Asia to Vladivostok and the last would be washed by the sea of Japan. "And yet" comments the Manchester (England) Guardian, "Some diplomats are doing their best to precipitate another conflict that will be more expensive and destructive than the last one." God save us from another war is the prayer of every Christian patriot.

 

The Collegeport Woman's club met Thursday with Mrs. Liggett as hostess. The usual business was transacted with Mrs. Corse vice president in the chair because of the absence of Mrs. King, the president. The delegate to the county federation meeting, Mrs. Clapp, read her report of that meeting. An interesting program arranged by Mrs. Corse was presented. Several new members were received, some of them old timers returning to the fold. Quite a number of visitors were present. Refreshments provided by the hostess of pineapple jello topped with whipped cream, cup cakes and coffee. In May the club will celebrate its twenty-first birthday with a suitable program. It is suggested that a book presented to the library will be a proper gift to commemorate the occasion.

 

One of the enjoyable events of the week was the visit with F. O. Montague, our county agent. Us Homecrofters would have been better pleased had he arrived in time for the commissary department to work on him

 

The Palacios baseball team came over Friday and gave our locals a new drubbing. Why not? They have the advantage of a good coach and are well trained while our kiddies are deprived of such training.

 

Some day our school will advance until it, too, will be able to employ a coach and then the other county teams best look out.

 

Soon we will be confronted with the annual election of school trustees.

 

Mrs. Frank King, whose term expires one in place of Mrs. Merck whose term expires, and one in place of Dr. Dickert whose term also expires. I have watched the efforts of our school board the past year and in my opinion they have made an earnest effort to render good service. For that reason I see no reason why they should not be returned for another term. Now is the time to discuss this question and make our decision. Where is it possible to secure better material? If any one knows let us have the information. If not we might as well give the old board another lease of life. As I look again at those beautiful, entrancing, graceful legs I am in this way asking my official smuggler to send along some more Old English tobacco, the kind that is made at Newcastle on the Tyne.

 

The Daily Tribune, Tuesday, March 17, 1931

 


THOUGHTS ABOUT ASYMPOTES

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

[Local information taken from longer article.]

 

I believe in God, the merciful, kind God, who gives me the faith to believe and I know that when this adventure of meeting the curve in this earthly life is ended, that we shall meet the curve over there in that other world. I cannot prove it. I only believe it, but those two dear children, Tressie Huffhines and Clyde Penland, who were snatched away last Saturday by tragedy can prove the truth of my belief, for they know.

 

Last Saturday, Tressie Huffhines was playing in an old boat with five of her nephews, all Penland children, unnoticed by any of them the boat slowly drifted out into the bay, until at last they were perhaps half way across. Tressie pulled off her boots and sweater and plunged into the water and struck out for shore and help but never reached her goal.

 

Some say she turned back to aid Clyde Penland, who being frightened, leaped from the boat. Perhaps we shall never know the exact truth, for left in the boat was Glen Penland, ten years of age, and his three little brothers, ranging in age from two and half years up. Glen was busy bailing the leaky boat with one of Tressie's rubber boots and keeping his brothers from jumping overboard.

 

For this reason he is unable to give a clear and lucid statement of all that occurred. The boat drifted close to the Palacios shore and was discovered and taken over by those who had been watching it for more than an hour. The children, huddled in the cold water that had leaked in, were near to perishing.

 

They were taken home where their story was told and since Saturday night searching parties aided by an airplane have been sweeping the bay and the shores for traces of the bodies. Tuesday the body of Tressie was found on the reef near Coon Island, about two and a half miles from where she was last seen swimming.

 

Up to this writing, Tuesday, March 19, no trace of the body of Clyde Penland has been discovered. The funeral of Tressie was held Tuesday afternoon in the local cemetery. Reverend Connors of Palacios, officiating. The school closed and all the teachers and pupils were present and in addition every one in the community and nearby country.

 

Tressie was fourteen years of age, a bright, sweet little girl and a regular little mother to the Penland children. She was a splendid student and enjoyed the love of all who knew her. She and Glen, who stayed by the boat and saved the three small children,were made of hero stuff. Tressie lost her life paying the penalty of her great love for those children. Glen saved his and his three brothers by an exhibition of self possession and courage that oft times isn't found in grown men and rarely suspected of being in the makeup of a boy ten years old. God puts something in the life of most of us that causes us to rise to the occasion when danger or death, or trouble calls. He gave the priceless gift to Tressie and Glen. Both heroes and let us think of them as, one who went to a heroic death and the other to a heroic life. Tressie is dead. The world will be deprived of her flower-like sweetness but she will be remembered as one who fought the good fight, as one who won the race.

 

"Lay her in the earth; and away from her fair and unpolluted flesh may violets spring."

--Shakespeare

 

Mr. and Mrs. A. A. Penland came here from Madison [Leon] county about three years ago with their four boys, none of them grown. Since then, two boys and a daughter have come to them in the person of Sarah Marie. For two years they occupied the Jenkins farm two miles east of town. Mr. Penland is a member of the Collegeport school board and the family is favorably known and have the respect of all who know them and now the heart of the community goes out to them in this great trouble. The father of Tressie arrived here from Oklahoma in time for the funeral and will remain for some time.

 

Mrs. Frank Ramsey concluding that she had lived in the sunny south long enough has decided to leave our pleasant burg and from now on will live in San Diego, Cal.

 

Mr. and Mrs. Ash have rented her house, corner Sixth and Avenue K, and will take possession in a few days.

 

April 1, the Della Bettas will shake the dust of Collegeport from their feet and hike for Detroit.

 

It will be pleasant news to our folk to learn that Mr. North Cable is now in charge of the property of the Collegeport Fig Packing company.

 

Thursday about four o'clock a big plane circled over the town and as it passed over me, low down, I knew that the quest for the body of Clyde Penland was ended. After five days search it was found near Grassy Point, about two miles from where he jumped from the boat and five miles from the place where Tressie Huffhines' body was found. The body was quickly prepared for the grave and the funeral was held in the local cemetery at eight o'clock in the evening. The lights of sixty autos were focused on the grave and the service was given by Reverend Connor of Palacios. The little schoolmates of Clyde sang Jesus Loves Me and In the Sweet Bye and Bye. The body was lowered into the grave by the side of the little girl who gave her life in an attempt to save him.

 

One time Phillip Brooks said "The finest help we can render an afflicted man is not to take his burden from him but to call out his best strength, that he may be able to bare the burden." This it seems to me is the highest form of help. We are not able to lift from the hearts of the sorrowing father and mother any small portion of grief but we can with our sympathy, compassion and fellow-feeling, give them the strength to beat the burden. God knows what is best and if we believe in His goodness and loving kindness we can but bow our heads in submission and go on life's journey with face lifted to the heavens.

 

The pupils of the Bay View school journeyed to Palacios, Friday, to enjoy the county meet. When they returned they brought some well-earned scalps. Roberta Liggett took second in picture memories. Lera Hunt took second in essays while Gladys Harbison and Raymond Hunt gained a two-thirds credit in the declamation contest. This reading would have been much higher had our pupils not been compelled to contest with the pupils of the independent districts.

 

Wednesday the eighteenth, happened to be the birthday of Ira Corporon and so he received a mighty fine gift in the arrival of Miss Wanda Meryl Corporon. The young lady weighed seven and three-quarter-sixteen ounce pounds on arrival but is rapidly picking up and soon will be a great big girl ready for a baseball sucker.

 

"We still maun lo'e the giver mair,

An' see Him in the given;

An' sae she'll lead us up to Him,

Our babie, straight fae Heaven."

--Rankin.

 

This being Passloa [Passover?] Sunday I look back on a week of death, birth, sorrow, joy, but we know that God is in His Heaven and all is well.

 

The Daily Tribune, March 24, 1931

 


THOUGHTS ABOUT THE SOUTH WIND

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

[Local information taken from longer article.]

 

Well, well, and two more, and what do you people think of this from a Tribune reader way up in the state of Wisconsin. ”I enjoy your "Thoughts" in the Bay City paper. Of course there are some things I don't agree with you about, as for instance, "Legs" and also your title of "Miserable Wretch" for one of the best women on this earth. However, if she can stand for it I guess I am out of order. Of course, if you ever want to change the titles for this poor down-trodden woman, you might try and well consider the names of "Best Sport," "True Blue," "Stick Tight," "Most Beautiful," "Heart's Delight," "Sugar Baby." If you are hard to suit about titles, write and let me know, and I'll be glad to submit more samples which I know will please the lady and that is all that should really count with you."

 

For the benefit of the reader, will state, that the Miserable Wretch in spite of all her misery in a life with me, has been a Best Sport, she has been True Blue, a Stick Tight through adversity and prosperity to me, she is the Most Beautiful, always my Heart's Delight, and she is the only Sugar Baby I care for in all the world. Is this enough, abundance sufficiency? I advise the reader to come on down and play in our yard, catch a few crabs in the slough, make up a gob of crab gumbo, and then with a well filled tummy ask her how miserable she is.

 

It appears to me that if some of our people who are so insistent on providing for the development of the souls of those who live here would spend a fraction of their time and money on the unfolding and expansion of our commercial body, it would soon be an easy task to feed the souls. There is small use in feeding a soul in a dead body. Feed the body, develop the possibilities that are present and the increased population will enable us to provide the required soul food and a shepherd for the sheep.

 

It is said that one night Judge Corse was called out of bed after midnight by a couple who wanted to be married. They were in a hurry and he had no time to dress so he tied them up good and tight. I suppose it might be said that he tied a knot in his night gown. It might be well for the farmers who plan an increased planting of cotton to remember that they law of supply and demand has not been repealed.

 

The King's Daughters met on Thursday with the Heiseys with the usual big bag of food products and plenty of work for the members. It being the forty-first anniversary of the marriage of Mr. and Mrs. Heisey, they were well pummeled with pounds of coffee, sugar, salt, flour, et cetera and so forth.

 

Mrs. Ramsey, having moved to foreign parts, the two school teachers, Misses Williams and Nestor, found themselves out in the cold world but were taken in by Mrs. Burton D. Hurd. Young men who are interested in seeking the society of these two girls will find them at the corner of South and Main Boulevard, with phone number some sort of shorts and longs for rings.

 

Wednesday afternoon North Cable, in charge of the packing plant cleaned the floor using a long hose. Thursday afternoon inspecting the plant he found the hose missing. A careful examination of all doors and windows brought the conclusion that some fellow in this burg has a key and operating through the door made a successful get away with his plunder. The problem is to find the man with the key.

 

The bakers of Bay City are having dreadful spasm because Houston bakers send their bread wagons down there and offer bread at unheard of prices. The Bay City bakers ask that these foreigners be not patronized and that Bay City people eat Bay City bread.

 

That is just a little of all right, but along comes the printer and asks why the baker buys his printing in Houston.

 

Pretty cute says I sitting "en el sol."

 

It's a crime when Houston eats Bay City bag and breeches, but none at all when Bay City eats Collegeport. The big fish always feed on the smaller brats and no one can help it. At the same time, who has heard a consumer kick while feeding his face with five-cent bread. The dealers in any town better not start a row over out of town buying until they themselves cease the practice. The dealer who provides good food and goods at low prices will receive the patronage whether he lives in Bay City, Collegeport or Houston. The average buyer does not buy in any store because he loves the owner. He buys because he adores the price and quality.

 

The Woman's club held a pie social Friday night which netted them about twelve simoleons to be used for new books. When everyone present was well loaded with pie, some thick ones, some thin ones, a community sing song was on the card under the direction of Mrs. Liggett with Mrs. Clapp pounding the ivories.

 

This was greatly enjoyed by all present as was the piano duets by Mesdames Corporon and Clapp. The big event of the night was the fact that the members of the board or trustees of the Simpsonville, Citrus Grove, Culver ad Collegeport schools, met with the county board and with Mrs. Claire Pollard, county superintendent for the purpose of considering the proposition to consolidate the four districts forming the first rural consolidated high school in Matagorda county.

 

With not one dissenting vote the consolidation was effected. Under the plan the high school will be located at this place, while an elementary school will be continued at Citrus Grove.

 

All children will be transported by truck from the various parts of the new district. The plan goes into effect with the new school year next fall and five teachers will be employed in the high school and one in the elementary school. Until next year the trustees of the present districts will form one consolidated board for business purposes but next year seven trustees will be elected as provided by law.

 

When this election is held, in fairness, geographical situation should be considered, but under the law trustees may be elected at large.

 

This is a wise provision of course but in so far as is practical each part of the new and enlarged district should be considered in the selection of trustees. As to the election now called for trustees in the present district it appears to me if the policies and services of the present board cannot be successfully attacked, the approval of our people may be best expressed at the polls. It is a job that holds out no financial profit hence we must be charitable in our criticism.

 

Mrs. King, the president, as well as Mrs. Merck, the secretary have rendered conspicuous service and should be returned. Two others are to be named and I suggest that the names of Gustave Franzen, James Hale, Mrs. Hurd, Mrs. Liggett might well be considered as splendid material. No one can question the patriotism of any of them.

 

James Hale is the father of four children and he is much interested in their having good educational advantages. It is not necessary to state the qualifications of Gus Franzen for he has been tried and tested. Every one who knows Mrs. Hurd will grant that she possesses rare qualities for such a position and Mrs. Liggett as the mother of three children all in the school yields to no person in school interest. The boards of the several districts and the county board and Mrs. Pollard are to be congratulated on their patriotism in bringing about this consolidation. It means that families will no longer be obliged to move away in order that their children may have high school advantages. It means that other families will move into the district being attracted by the superior educational advantages offered. It is the greatest progressive and advanced step taken in this territory since it was first organized. No small part of the credit belongs to Mrs. King and her fellow members on the local board.

 

Let us go to the polls and give hearty expression of our approval of good service well rendered. I am quite aware that considering the brand of weather we have enjoyed the past week that the title of this string is not apropos but "the moving finger having writ, moves on."

 

The Daily Tribune, March 31, 1931

 


THOUGHTS BY THE WAYSIDE

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

Some men old enough to have families of their own, seem to take delight in rocking the cradle.

 

Sarah Bernhardt once said that "Prettiness does not matter. If a woman has charm she can secure whatever else she desires--love, success, power. There is a distinction between prettiness and beauty. A fluffy headed highly powdered and rouged woman may be pretty, but the beautiful woman has to have wholesome cleanliness, neatness and charm. And the latter is permanently endowed." Sarah spoke a truth.

 

Since I saw Ben Mowery filling his tobacco pouch with Prince Albert I no longer wonder how the American Tobacco company has been so successful. Hundreds of Ben Mowerys fill their pouches every day and also many hundreds load, "Old Jimmy," with R. J. R. and dream satisfying dreams.

 

Oscar Odd says "White beads are all the go." I wonder why a girl in our burg wears green beads on a neck that is decidedly yellow in color.

 

No woman in this burg wears hennaed hair. Shows we are slowly making progress.

 

When I see some of the legs that are flashed in my sight I feel that I should go out in the backyard and have a good cry.

 

I have always wished that I might be a pirate. When I was a boy I headed a band that captured a flat boat on our river and bad luck came to every kid we caught fishing in a boat. They were captured and forced to pole the old scow up and down the river for hours. It was a gay life while it lasted. Wish I was a pirate right now for 'tis a good and profitable business.

 

The miserable wretch made a punkin pie the other day and took it to the pie social where she bought it back, while I stayed at home and nibbled a week old doughnut. At that some men condemn me for calling her the miserable wretch.

 

Oscar Odd commenting on the frequent use of "I" by writers says the only time the world "we" should be used is when the writer has a tape worm. From the number of times "we" is used by Texas editors there must be a plethora of tape worms in Texas. A sure cure is to eat noodles. The tap worm gets tangled up in the noodles and chokes to death. I advise the use of the Famous Carrie Nelson Noodles for they are very affectionate.

 

Mr. J. C. Young writes Carey Smith that he has been reading "Thoughts" for thirty years and still enjoys them and the comments on the miserable wretch. That is the reason he has every year for thirty years sent this check to the Tribune. Not every paper has a feature that brings a check for so many times. Thank you Mr. Young and when you come to the South take a trip over our "nine-foot sidewalk" and visit I and the miserable wretch. Lapsing into French must says "un bienfait N'cest jamais pedu? and then "vive la bagatelle."

 

Many times I heard Frederick Ward interpret Shakespearian roles on the stage and have always been one of his many ardent admirers. The following discloses a portion of his sweet soul for said he "When we were twenty years of age, I married a girl and for fifty-three years I had that girl and a home. I still have the home and children and grandchildren and waiting with impatience the arrival of the great grandchild."

 

Frederick Ward is now eighty years old and still at the old job. A rich and wonderful life, in marked contrast to the lives of present day actors who, far too many, take a new wife with each year. Frederick Ward has only eighteen years the start of me.

 

Rosalie Nelson came out in a new dress Sunday and looked like a beautiful purple pansy. While not always a pansy she is always a flower.

 

[Paragraph with no local information not included because a portion of the paper was missing when microfilmed.]

 

Mason Standish Holsworth doing the gallant by changing tires for a lady autoist.

 

The Woman's Union met with Mrs. Frank King, Thursday with a large attendance. The program was arranged by Mrs. John Heisey and attempted to cover India.

 

One thing the farmer controls and that is production cost. While he has little influence on prices he may by controlling production cost, increase his profit.

 

A Markham grocery firm sends out weekly price lists with some very interesting information about the store and the goods offered. The last list stated that what cost $6.37 one year ago could now be bought for $3.59. Quite a drop in prices and yet some fellers still kick.

 

Mirth told us some hot stuff in the case, printers versus business men out of town buyers. Every word a truth and more to come before the jury returns a verdict. It's the old tale of "big fish eat the smaller fish and they in turn devour smaller prey." But after all is said on the subject "old man price" will have the last say. He always wins and whether the goods are offered in Houston or Bay City, price is the determining factor. Few of us are patriotic enough to pay a premium just because a dealer happens to live in our town. Read the Anderson advertisement in the Tribune and no one can see any possible reason for buying elsewhere. No place in Texas can find one better, more artistic jobs of printing, than that produced in the local plant. I like fine printing. I enjoy the feel of good stock. I have satisfaction in viewing an article set up. This may all be had at the Tribune office, the product of skilled men and at a price that gives complete value.

 

School election passed off very comfortably. No drunks, fights, riots or disturbances of any kind and the people seemed to give their united approval to the work of the retiring board by sending them all back for another year. The board for the present, until consolidation plans are perfected will consist of Messrs. Nelson, Eisel, Penland, McKissick, Dickert and Mesdames Frank King and Merck. They have accomplished a good work and here is hoping they will enter into the new year with the joy of the Lord.

 

The Woman's Union took advantage of the immense election crowds to serve luncheon which consisted of big tanks of the Famous Carrie Nelson Noodles, baked beans, pies of many kinds, coffee, salad and cakes and the sum of sixteen smackers was added to the already bursting treasury. The way in which our folk took to those delicious noodles leads me to state that many a tape worm strangled to death yesterday. I say all hail to Carrie Nelson, the inventor and sole owner of the Famous Noodles.

 

A petition is being circulated asking the legislature to place a tax on tobacco. I refused to sign it, for it would mean a double tax on R. J. R., one of the necessities of life.

 

Bland Moran drove Mr. Hall's Marquette to Bay City a distance of 28 miles in just 26 minutes. Some going but the world is full of speed hounds.

 

Knute Rockne was a victim of speed. He had no patience with slow moving trains or autos. Because of this mania the world has lost a great man. He possessed will power that enabled him to develop energy, courage and determination, in the young men of his charge. He became the idol of millions and the despair of all competitors. Many a youth when grown into a man will look back and thank Knute Rockne for the training that took him into a safe and sane manhood. A wonderful character and a sweet soul has gone to rest all too soon.

 

Louise Walter is driving a new Chevy sedan sport model. It is painted brown but as Louise's color is black I advise her to have the car repainted.

 

When Dorothydick and Dickdorothy bought their new car they thought it the only one made with yellow wheels, but lo and behold, three others have recently appeared.

 

The Della Bettas have at last broken all ties that bound them to Collegeport and left for the snowbound North. There are some who regret the departure of John. Jimmy left his beautiful garden behind and it was not long before the community took over the fine onions, cabbage, spinach, beets, etc. Sorry that this boy felt obliged to leave us.

 

The Daily Tribune, April 7, 1931

 


THOUGHTS ABOUT THE VALUE OF FIGS

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

[Local information taken from longer article.]

 

About all I know about Bay City is what I read in the Texas Contractor and here is the news I find in the advertising columns: "G. H. Collier, district manager, Bay City Shovels, The Bay City Tractor, The Bay City Pulp Trailer, all sold under the well known Bay City Policy." Bay City is sure growing.

 

One of my fine lady friends sent me a big Easter egg Sunday. The funny thing about it is that the egg was red outside and yellow inside and I wonder what sort of hen laid such an odd egg.

 

Tuesday came to Homecroft, F. O. Montague, county agent and with him James E. Poore of the U. S. Biological survey and the department official wolf catcher, Mr. Connors. I told them that if they were after the variety known as Canis occidentalis it might be well to go to Frank Kings for there they would find many of the four legged sort. Mr. Connors killed 164 of these animals in Bee county but fears that it will be a difficult problem in this flat prairie for they leave few trails by which they may be tracked.

 

On the next day again we were delighted to have F. O. Montague as our guest, and we loaded him up on eggs et cetera. It happened that there was but one potato in the house. Feeding a multitude with a few sardines and a biscuit, was nothing compared to what the miserable wretch did with that spud. The next day we bought two potatoes.

 

The C. P. & L. Co. starts an advertisement with the worlds "Let these lines bring dollars to you." Down here we much rather the lines bring us electric service. None of us fellers need dollars, but we do need light and heat.

 

Easter was observed by the local community church by a morning Sunday school service and the evening by a Pageant Light under the direction of Mesdames Crane and King assisted by Mesdames Liggett and Nelson. The parts were taken by the school pupils. Music was furnished by Mrs. Dick Corporon and the junior choir under the direction of Mrs. Liggett. Every part was rendered in a dignified manner and many expressed their appreciation of the training given by the directors. Some of the scenes were so pathetic as to move the more sensitive of the audience to tears. The music included the March to Calvary from the Crucifixion by Stainer, When I Survey the Wonderful [Wondrous?] Cross and Christ the Lord is Risen Today. About eighty were present and all agreed that it was one of the finest pageants ever presented to local audiences. In the afternoon a splendid program arranged and directed by Mrs. Dick Corporon was presented at Citrus Grove. Many from Collegeport attended.

 

Saturday night we were the guests of the Burton D. Hurds at their home on the Bayshore and enjoyed an evening with Walter Damrosch and his orchestra. I have heard Walter and his orchestra several times and twice attended a performance by his father, Leopold Damrosch. I am an admirer of both of these splendid artists and I enjoy listening to the voice of Walter Damrosch for the voice is but an echo of the rich and finer character of the man. Probably no other musician has done more to stimulate a love for music in the hearts of our people than this man. He has given his life to music and now in his latter years is striving to round out his years of service in further cultivating a love and taste for good music. It was an enjoyable evening sitting before the big fire, smoking Herbert Tarreton provided by the host.

 

Us, meaning I and the MW, have passed through a busy week, a week filled with pleasure, happiness and profit. Will tell you more about it in the next string. Before closing this effusion must record the very pleasant call made us by Mesdames Tom Fulcher and Thomas Hale, Jr. A pleasant hour was had as I guess from what I heard when they left that I made a friend of Junior for he said I love you Mr. Clapper. I love him too, so it's fifty fifty.

 

The Daily Tribune, Wednesday, April 15, 1931

 


COLLEGEPORT

 

Mrs. B. DeWald, nee Fay Woods, visited with her grandparents, Mr. and Mrs. V. R. Haisley and aunt and uncle, Mr. and Mrs. Hugo Kundinger last week.

 

Mr. and Mrs. Jack Martin and children are at home with Mrs. Martin's parents, Mr. and Mrs. B. V. Merck.

 

Miss Dorothy Franzen entertained the high school group last Wednesday night at her home.

 

Mildred McKissick who is a senior in the Palacios High School, was home for the week-end.

 

Mrs. Frank King and Mrs. B. V. Merck went to Austin early in the week on business.

 

Arnold Franzen was home for the week-end. Mr. and Mrs. A. M Weborg were also guests in the Franzen home. Many of their old friends were glad to see them back. We hope that they can come back again real soon.

 

Misses Marie Nestor and Vera Williams spent the week-end in Bay City.

 

Miss Louise Walter motored to Houston Friday afternoon and returned Saturday night.

 

Mr. and Mrs. Cleve Mayo are the proud parents of a nine-pound girl, born Sunday morning.

 

Rev. C. N. Wylie of Houston will conduct church services Friday and Saturday nights, also Sunday services. Everyone is invited.

 

Mr. and Mrs. Tom Hale were home with the Fulcher's during the week-end.

 

Miss May Dickinson returned to Houston last Thursday after spending her Easter vacation with her parents.

 

Mrs. Francis Savage came home Sunday with Francis, Jr.

 

The Daily Tribune, Wednesday, April 15, 1931 
 


THOUGHT ABOUT THE VALUE OF FIGS

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

[Local information taken from longer article.]

 

About all I know about Bay City is what I read in the Texas Contractor and here is the news I find in the advertising columns: "G. H. Collier, district manager, Bay City Shovels, The Bay City Tractor, The Bay City Pulp Trailer, all sold under the well known Bay City Policy." Bay City is sure growing.

 

One of my fine lady friends sent me a big Easter egg Sunday. The funny thing about it is that the egg was red outside and yellow inside and I wonder what sort of hen laid such an odd egg.

 

Tuesday came to Homecroft, F. O. Montague, county agent and with him James E. Poore of the U. S. Biological survey and the department official wolf catcher, Mr. Connors. I told them that if they were after the variety known as Canis occidentalis it might be well to go to Frank Kings for there they would find many of the four legged sort. Mr. Connors killed 164 of these animals in Bee county but fears that it will be a difficult problem in this flat prairie for they leave few trails by which they may be tracked.

 

On the next day again we were delighted to have F. O. Montague as our guest, and we loaded him up on eggs et cetera. It happened that there was but one potato in the house. Feeding a multitude with a few sardines and a biscuit, was nothing compared to what the miserable wretch did with that spud. The next day we bought two potatoes.

 

The C. P. & L. Co. starts an advertisement with the worlds "Let these lines bring dollars to you." Down here we much rather the lines bring us electric service. None of us fellers need dollars, but we do need light and heat.

 

Easter was observed by the local community church by a morning Sunday school service and the evening by a Pageant Light under the direction of Mesdames Crane and King assisted by Mesdames Liggett and Nelson. The parts were taken by the school pupils. Music was furnished by Mrs. Dick Corporon and the junior choir under the direction of Mrs. Liggett. Every part was rendered in a dignified manner and many expressed their appreciation of the training given by the directors. Some of the scenes were so pathetic as to move the more sensitive of the audience to tears. The music included the March to Calvary from the Crucifixion by Stainer, When I Survey the Wonderful [Wondrous?] Cross and Christ the Lord is Risen Today. About eighty were present and all agreed that it was one of the finest pageants ever presented to local audiences. In the afternoon a splendid program arranged and directed by Mrs. Dick Corporon was presented at Citrus Grove. Many from Collegeport attended.

 

Saturday night we were the guests of the Burton D. Hurds at their home on the Bayshore and enjoyed an evening with Walter Damrosch and his orchestra. I have heard Walter and his orchestra several times and twice attended a performance by his father, Leopold Damrosch. I am an admirer of both of these splendid artists and I enjoy listening to the voice of Walter Damrosch for the voice is but an echo of the rich and finer character of the man. Probably no other musician has done more to stimulate a love for music in the hearts of our people than this man. He has given his life to music and now in his latter years is striving to round out his years of service in further cultivating a love and taste for good music. It was an enjoyable evening sitting before the big fire, smoking Herbert Tarreton provided by the host.

 

Us, meaning I and the MW, have passed through a busy week, a week filled with pleasure, happiness and profit. Will tell you more about it in the next string. Before closing this effusion must record the very pleasant call made us by Mesdames Tom Fulcher and Thomas Hale, Jr. A pleasant hour was had as I guess from what I heard when they left that I made a friend of Junior for he said I love you Mr. Clapper. I love him too, so it's fifty fifty.

 

The Daily Tribune, Wednesday, April 15, 1931

 


COLLEGEPORT

 

Bay View school will close its doors May 8. The teachers and pupils are working hard to finish up their work in the three weeks remaining.

 

Fourteen carloads of cattle were shipped out Saturday morning.

 

Mrs. Burton D. Hurd entertained the young people of Collegeport, Saturday night, with a bridge party. The color scheme of green and yellow was carried out beautifully with flowers and refreshments.

 

The Collegeport school entertained the Simpsonville school Tuesday afternoon, commemorating San Jacinto Day.

 

Mr. and Mrs. Frank Lenoir and son, Frank Jr., Mrs. I. Miller, Arnold and Clifford Franzen motored down from Houston to spend the day with the Franzen family.

 

Mr. Raymond Waters was in Collegeport Sunday evening.

 

Mr. and Mrs. Gus Franzen left for Houston Tuesday to attend the Presbyterial. Mrs. Helen Holsworth and Dean Merck accompanied them.

 

Mr. Chas. Rutherford of Nevada, Mo., is visiting with his old friends in Collegeport and Palacios.

 

Mr. C. N. Wylie preached here Friday night and at both services Sunday.

 

The John Williams children are out of school because they have the chicken-pox.

 

The Daily Tribune, April 22, 1931 
 


THOUGHTS AFTER THE FEAST

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

[Local information taken from longer article about the Bay City Chamber of Commerce annual banquet.]

 

We, meaning I and the miserable wretch rode to Bay City with Mrs. Burton D. Hurd and traveled about twenty-five miles per but when we returned, we took on the Master of the Hurd house so four of us in a Ford roadster, I was compelled to hold the MW on my lap. I used to be a great lap feller but say it was four days before circulation was fully restored. All this because the MW is getting fat. Coming back Burton hit it up around forty-five and I never saw a bridge, culvert, telephone pole, or road sign. Great night for us Homecrofters and we thank the Hurds and the C. of C. for all the enjoyment.

 

Foggy Monday morning and I found some beautiful spider webs on our gallery. They were much too dainty and beautiful to destroy and made me think of fine spangled lace as the dew drops sparkled in the morning light.

 

Next to his wife and baby, I am informed that Joe Frank Jenkins thinks pretty strong about his prize registered heifer except of course his father, mothers, brothers and sisters.

 

Anyway, the heifer is about the same as Joe Frank's right eye and that is all right. I bet he grows it into a splendid milk cow. Joe Frank is one of the fine young men practically brought up in this community. He is a hard worker, a good cotton farmer, attends to his own business, devoted to his little family, enjoys the respect of those who know him and to make a long story short, we wish we had a few more of the same type.

 

Wednesday night a gang of our girls put in a surprise on Mrs. Rena Wright, the occasion being her birthday. How old? Well I do not know but she is just passed the sweet sixteen age retaining the original flavor that goes with that age. One of those who attended the affair reported "we had a hilarious time," and of course they did for a tank of the famous Carrie Nelson noodles was on the board and that brings joy and contentment always.

 

The King's Daughters met this week with Mrs. Harbision with the usual fine spread of eatables a good religious program and a splendid attendance. This organization includes women who are continually doing things for the good of the community and should have the interest and support of all of our women.

 

Saturday was cattle day for Sam LeTulle shipped out eleven cars and L. E. Liggett four cars and they were joined by Mr. Cornelius with twenty cars all going to Oklahoma and Kansas pastures for summer feeding and final shipment to the Kansas City market.

 

The store of the Farmers Storage company is all dressed up especially on the grocery side. All goods are clean with bright attractive labels--each variety placed together and over them a bright red tag with white figures giving the price. Looks fine and I suppose the credit should go to Vern Batchelder but I suspect that Mary Ellen had something to do with it.

 

Anyway, it is a nice stock, well displayed and handled by courteous sales people. While Vern has considerable outside business to attend to, he never neglects his store.

 

Butter fat is now down to three hundred dollars per ton and yet what other product of the farm brings such a price. Heard a woman say the other day that she would not longer sell cream, but would feed the milk to the calves. I wonder how any one can possible profit by feeding a three hundred dollar product to calves. If our county agent should advise farmers to feed a ration one ingredient of which cost such a sum, he would be hooted out of his job and rightly. They are still doing it just through ignorance.

 

Saturday night the Misses Williams and Nestor were hostesses to about thirty young people at the Burton D. Hurd home on the bay shore. The evening was spent in card playing, dominoes, dancing, sparkling conversation and was one of the finest social affairs ever held in the community. The color scheme in decorations and refreshments was yellow and green. An enjoyable time was had by all present and at midnight all had retired to their homes and lights were out and all quiet on the bay shore.

 

A very handsome young lady, Miss Saunders by name, came here from Wharton to attend the Williams-Nestor party.

 

The Daily Tribune, Saturday, April 24, 1931

 


Thoughts About A Library

 

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

A library? Well what of it? What is it? It is one of two things. It is either a building or a room appropriated for holding a collection of books or it is a collection of books not kept for merchandise. Just the moment books are offered for sale it ceases to be a library.

 

And so this is what we have in Collegeport. A real public library free to all members of the community. It is opened every Friday and is in charge of a librarian appointed by the Women's Club. Not knowing much about how this work was started I called on Mrs. Burton D. Hurd, who really conceived the idea many years ago and called the first meeting and for this reason much that follows has been gleaned from her memory and recorded in her words. January 11, 1912 , five Collegeport women braved a cold wet norther and at Hotel Collegeport, founded the first public library in Matagorda County . They were Mesdames Burton D. Hurd, O. B. Kone, E. E. House and J. M. Elmer at which time 17 books were received. The first week in February was designated as Library Week and for the purpose of adding to the work begun, letters were sent to friends with the result that on February 10, the Collegeport Public Library was formally opened with 35 books, properly catalogued and numbered and housed in the office building formerly occupied by Mr. Walter Wilkinson, who kindly donated its use to the library committee.

 

No endowment or income has ever been enjoyed by the library which was sponsored and built by the Collegeport Woman's Club, assisted principally by the Collegeport Industrial League which gave the building now in use and a free lease on the lot on which the building is located. The opening day register of the library bears 126 names as visitors, no books were issued and no donation received but almost all of those calling at that time sent books afterwards. A loan of 50 volumes was made to the Citrus Grove community as a nucleus around which that thriving little town might build a library and since its beginning the Collegeport library has constantly supplied not only the community with well selected, well kept assortment of books and magazines, but has provided for the school the reading and reference material not only required in school work but that suggested for reading by the state board of education.

 

All books sent to the library are reviewed by the committee from the Woman's club and finally passed upon by the library committee and quietly rejected if not desired.

 

The Woman's club has just reason for its pride in the library of about 2000 books and are planning to give a May Festival on Saturday afternoon and evening May 9 honoring its beloved child, the first public library in Matagorda county. Books are already being received, as gifts in honor of this the 20th year of faithful service to the community and as no cards are to be sent for the party, no doubt many old members of the Woman's club and former residents of the town and community will attend the festival which will be well worth the while for there will be a May pole dance on the lawn, the crowning of the May Queen, games and contests for the evening and the County Federation of Women's clubs and friends have been given special invitations, some having been carried by Mrs. H. A. Clapp to the last federation meeting in Wadsworth. The county federation president is to be the guest of honor as well as all charter members of the club. To this might be added that while the date named is the twentieth birthday of the library it is also the 21st birthday of the Woman's club.

 

For years the library had no home. It was moved from place to place and the women in charge slaved many days moving the large number of books that had accumulated. A few years ago the Collegeport Industrial League bought a block of ground opposite the schoolhouse which contains 2 1/2 acres. This plot is for community use and about the same time the league bought for the library a building and moved it on this block. Through its efforts the building was finished inside and painted outside. A cement walk was laid and water piped to the building.

 

Remembering that it has long been the custom to honor birthdays with a gift I suggest that each visitor to the festival bring a book and those who are not able to come send one. No need to buy a new and expensive book. Look over your own books, select one, mail it and you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you have done a good turn that day.

 

"Who hath a book hath but to read,

And he may be a King indeed.

His kingdom is his inglenook,

All this is his who hath a book."

--Nesbit.

 

And to close I will say that "a home without books is like a room without windows."

 

Mesdames King and Merck trekked to Austin the other day. I do not know why for they neither asked my permission or advice but I have an idea that they went on school business. Simply felt that they must consult higher authority. I read an article the other day in the Saturday Evening Post by Albert Atwood: "How Far Should Government Go?" It told the tale of federal encroachment on local control in education affairs. After reading it, I asked myself, whether we would be better or worse off with federal control instead of state control. Under state control, local rural school boards have slowly but surely lost control of our schools, until the time is here now, when very few local trustees know much about the district finances and are not allowed to handle the funds or to pay the teachers salaries or other bills unless vouchers are signed, okeyed and scrutinized by officials in schools.

 

This has all been brought about by the proffer of aid or subsidy by the state or federal government and they therefore assume their right to dictate as to how not only the donated funds should be expended, but how all other funds may be used. We are still allowed to vote for trustees, but according to all signs the day is approaching when this will be done by a county board, dictated to by a state board, and then the last vestige of local control will be taken away. If this all means a higher type of teacher, better equipment, greater educational advantages for our children, it may work out for our final benefit, but somehow way down in our hearts we sort o' enjoy handlin' our own money, hirin' our own teachers, runnin' our own school.

 

Federal or state control may yet go so far as to dictate now, when and where, men shall wear trousers and women their teddies and that would be indeed, deplorable. So who can say "How Far Government Should Go?"

 

Well, anyway if Mesdames King and Merck went up there for aid, all hail to them and hope they got what they went after. If they went simply for a joy ride and a look at the capital I hope they had a joy a plenty and that they saw none of the glaring defects in the capital building. These two women are sure bug house on giving us a first class school and so I am fer 'em.

 

Charles Rutherford, one of the original old timers and now living in Nevada, Mo., has been here for a few days looking over his local property and visiting with old friends. Charley, as old friends call him, is still wearing the crown that goes with the King of Pessimists. He reports that Kansas as well as all portions of the United States is going to the bow-wows, people hunger for food, mortgages are being foreclosed, et cetera. Well, anyway, "what the hell Bill? What the hell?"

 

Monday night I went over to the community house and listened to the baby band or I should say the rhythm band. It was splendid and here is notice that on Friday night, May 1, Mrs. Richard Corporon, who reorganized the band, will give its first appearance with Miss Ethel Nelson as director. Pie, cake and coffee will be served for the purpose of obtaining funds with which to pay for the instruments. I am informed that some time later the band will play at Bay City.

 

Monday, as the guest of Burton D. Hurd I visited Bay City and the town sure looks beautiful. Clean streets, clean shops, plenty of people on the streets, flowers blooming and a general atmosphere of prosperity and get there.

 

Called at the chamber of commerce and found out county agent hard at work and suspect that in his report to the A. & M. College one will find recorded "Monday, April 29, office work."

 

I don't blame him for doing office work if I had his job I would put in about six days a week in office work.

 

Flowers bloom outside the chamber of commerce and they bloom inside as well for I observed three handsome blooms at the desk. I tried to pick one of them but it eluded my grasp.

 

The Tribune is installing so much new machinery that soon there will be no room for the help. This being done only for one reason, and that to render more efficient service. I advise the readers of this week's Tribune to put away a copy and ten years hence compare it with that issue.

 

Doctor Scott is selling big hot-cold jugs but I was not interested for they were empty.

 

Saw Bill but he was rushing to persecute some fellow so could only shake hands and ask "how's Emily?"

 

Judge McNabb sits in his handsome office, feeling quite secure, but I told him that the only way he could get my two votes was to bring Otis Taylor down next year with a pot of those famous oysters.

 

Bay City looked alike a jewel on green plush in other words it looks clean and wholesome and presents an appearance of thrift and business.

 

Once, some years ago dumb bells were only found in gymnasiums and used for developing muscles. Today we find dumb bells in about every community and it is a tough job to find any use for them.

 

"En passant" don't forget the concert by the baby band Friday night, May 1, and bring your pie as aid to this mighty work. You will not only be surprised and amazed but will have an enjoyable evening.

 

The Daily Tribune, April 29, 1931, Harry Austin Clapp, Scrapbook 2 
 


THOUGHTS ABOUT FRIED PIES

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

[Local information taken from longer article.]

 

Burton D. Hurd left Sunday for foreign parts on a business trip. I do not know his itinerary, but it would not be difficult to track him by one who has become indurated from the use of garlic or onions for wherever Burton goes he leaves a trail of "Vac-Dry" onion and garlic powder.

 

Us, meaning I and the miserable wretch, are so fond of garlic and onions that we feel a meat product is not properly seasoned without this condiment. It is the finest seasoning we have ever used and I am glad the "Vac-Dry" manufacturers have such a ready sale for the product. Some day perhaps we will have a "Vac-Dry" plant in these parts. That day will arrive when our local farmers wake up to the possibilities of the land.

 

It is all right so long as "Mirth" is mirthful but when it comes to down right prevarication, his mirth ceases to be mirthful. In his column of Tuesday's paper he writes "we can remember back in 1884 that the April of that year was the coldest on record."

 

Imagine "Mirth" writing such tales. I saw him a week ago and swear he did not look as though forty-seven winters and summers had passed for him. Looked more like twenty to me. And I'll bet a Peter's doughnut that if one were to add to Mirth's age that of Mrs. Mirth and Sonny Mirth it would still be short of 47 years. I advise that when "Mirth" plays another tune it be 8ZA.

 

Appreciation, esteem, regard, are from West Texas: "Your thoughts about Bay City Chamber of Commerce banquet were grand. I read them all through and then went back and read them again." Had to go way out to West Teas for that.

 

I read in the papers that the longest word in the English language is "unhypersytetricoantiparallelepidicalisationalographically." It contains 60 letters and to be understood it must be pronounced rapidly. I don't know what it means and further more don't give a damn, for I'll never use it again.

 

Hugo Kundinger, assistant at Collegeport pharmacy, believes that "all the world loves a lover" and knowing that I am a lover of good pipes he presented me with a brand new one that is a beautiful, charming, graceful thing in which to smoke R. J. R. until my private smuggler sends some more of that "Barney's Ideal" made at Newcastle on the Tyne. I have used it for the first time and it us up to the standard set by that Sodelicious Ice Cream and that means it is just all right. I advise all pipe smokers to buy one of the Jimmy Pipes. The bowl is "mere sham" encased in cork.

 

One would have to travel many miles to find a better auto mechanic than Emil Sliva. His new garage is equipped with proper tools to handle any kind of work including hot air and cold air as well as free water. The hot air is furnished by Corporal Fulcher while the cold air is supplied by a gas engine and a compressor.

 

Rhythm? Rhythm? Why what is rhythm? Well, here it is. Rhythm is simply the measured beat or pulse which marks the character and expression of music; symmetry of movement and accent. Understanding this, no one need expect to hear music or I might say tunes when one hears a rhythm band.

 

We have a rhythm band here in Collegeport organized by Mrs. Richard Corporon and trained by her. The band consists of twenty-two children of an average age of seven and is directed by Miss Ethel Nelson. Friday night the band made its first public appearance and was presented in concert by Mrs. Corporon. Five numbers were rendered: Song of the Drum, The Young Bugler, Peasant's Dance, Playtime, Gypsie Song and a duet on the piano by Mesdames Corporon and Clapp with band. About seventy-five were present and that meant the same number of delighted and surprised parents and friends.

 

Miss Ethel Nelson is a born director. She has rhythm and time woven into every fibre of her body and she did her work with ease, dignity and poise.

 

Nearly every director has some eccentricity and so has Miss Ethel and this but adds to the charm of her work with the baton. Each member of the band was alert, ready for action, and when the director gave the signal, every instrument was ready and the number started with a snap that was a delight. Because of the continued damp weather the piano was in poor condition and made it necessary not only to push the keys down but they also had to be pulled up for nearly all the keys would stick at times.

 

From the sale of pies and coffee about $25 as realized which will be used to pay for the instruments and uniforms. The band will go to Midfield and play at the graduation exercises of the county rural schools. The members of the band are Ethel Nelson, Roberta Liggett, Milford Liggett, Ruby Lee Corporon, Chester Corporon, Jedie Frank Chiles, Junior Chiles, Joe Earl Pollard, Viola Prunty, Emma Franzen, Loren Harvey, Donzel Harvey, Lottie Mae Johnson, Francis Johnson, Jane Ackerman, Bobbie Ackerman, Lurline Thompson, Robila Crabill, Oweeda Bullington and Mary Winnow.

 

Saturday afternoon Craydon Morris, Mr. and Mrs. Austin Obberwetter and Mrs. John Logan, journeyed down from Houston to spend the night and Sunday with the Burton D. Hurds. The men went after the fish commonly known as "Uaralichthys demnatatus Americanus." After floundering about until three o'clock Sunday morning without stabbing a single fish, they gave it up in disgust. I am sorry for expected to have some of that excellent paralichthys for my Sunday dinner. They returned to Houston Sunday afternoon taking with them Burton D. Hurd who goes to Chicago on a business trip.

 

I was informed that a man got shot in the Bachman store the other day and was quite excited until I learned that the shot was in twenty four 12-gauge shell and cost the sum of $1.05

 

The Daily Tribune, Tuesday, May 5, 1931

 


THOUGHTS FROM HERE AND THERE

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

[Local information taken from longer article.]

 

Conversation overheard between a prominent society lady and a leading business man. Said the P. S. L., "Do you ever eat whole bran?" and the L. B. M. replied "Do I? Well, I should say I do. It keeps me from buying pills." Tough on the Collegeport pharmacy, for it does not sell bran but does try to sell pills.

 

Next week there will be added to the library a new book as the gift of Burton D. Hurd. It is called The Babbit Warren, and written by C. E. M. Joad, an Englishman, who has never visited America but writes of America, its people and customs from what he has been told or from what he reads in American newspapers.

 

It is not an easy book to read and for that reason will not be popular, but he who does read it will be richly repaid. It is a satirical comment on us Americans, although the author at times takes a slam at Britain. The book is a Shakespeare write about the "Satirical Rogue," censorious, severe in language, sarcastic, insulting. But with all that it is filled with rich humor and he who enjoys a good laugh, may have his fill. It is divided into three parts: Truth, beauty and Goodness.

 

In the good old days before prohibition a drunk in this community was something unusual. In fact I never saw one, but now? O, boy! In other words drinking is common. I am not now and never have been a prohibitionist and I do not believe in saloons or drunkenness. A drunken man sickens me. It seems to me that there should be some method by which the use of liquor could be handled so that present conditions might be avoided. Men have used liquor for ages and men will continue to use it. It is impossible to legislate morals and a majority ruled by a minority will always fight back. We have examples of this without going outside. Many people abhor tobacco and some have the same feeling about coffee and too many of these fanatics, if they had their way, would prohibit the use of either of these consolations. Liquor never bothered me, neither has coffee but I do like a pipe of R. J. R.

 

Talk about Joe Frank Jenkins' right eye. That calf is not in the running. Joe Frank, Sr., was at the postoffice the other night with Joe Frank, Jr., and asking him if he would trade the baby to me for a calf, he replied: "After this I reckon his prize registered heifer takes a seat way back in the last row."

 

Saturday, May 9, broke with a cloud covered sky and soon, lightning flashed, thunder rolled, rain poured, but by noon the storm ceased and it began to look more like a birthday. It was the birthday of the Collegeport Woman's club and the twentieth anniversary of the establishment of its library. Most of these things are first conceived in the brain of one person and so it happened that Mrs. Burton D. Hurd first envisioned a club for women that would become an important factor in the civic life of the community. She called a meeting and four women responded. None of the four are here now. Since that day the woman's club has been active in all things for community benefit that perhaps its growing glory is a library which, starting with a dozen books has grown without endowment to a well established library of about two thousand books. Books of fiction, history, biography, travel, science, art and reference. A well balanced collection of which any community may well be proud of.

 

In spite of the inclement weather about eighty assembled in the afternoon to enjoy the elaborate program arranged by the program committee consisting of Mesdames Hurd, Crane and Miss Dorothy Franzen. A feature of the program was the crowning of the Queen of May who was Miss Ethel Nelson, chosen for the honor because her mother, Mrs. Roy Nelson, was the first of the original charter members with a living young child. Mrs. Haisley being one of the oldest members crowned the Queen in a most gracious manner, which was followed by gifts from the other charter members and then those of the later membership and other friends of the library. At the close of the program it was found that eighty-five books had been presented besides gifts of cash which will be used for other books. The rhythm band played three numbers led by the director, Miss Ethel Nelson, and for one, I will say that the band surpassed in many ways its initial performance. A May Pole dance participated in by about twelve of the young girls all in beautiful costumes was an enjoyable part of the program. At the close the secretary of the Industrial League announced that Professor Harbison had furnished him with the pupils' records showing that Lera Hunt had won first place in grades, Ruby Prunty second place for girls and Milford Liggett, first place for boys and Raymond Hunt second place for boys. The sum of ten dollars was given for these prizes for high grades and Raymond Hunt has the distinction of having won in every contest. Ruby Prunty is distinguished because for the school year she has not been absent to tardy and has grades close to one hundred for the year.

 

In the evening a reception was held at the Burton D. Hurd home which was attended by about one hundred and fifty. Games for young and old provided amusement while delicious punch contributed to the satisfying of the thirst. It was an inspiring day and establishes a big mile stone in the history of this community.

 

Letters and books were received from former members from Saskatchewan, Canada to Alamo on the Rio Grande, from San Francisco to Pennsylvania, from Petoskey, Michigan to the Gulf.

 

Much credit is due the program committee for providing the program and carrying it out. The next day being Mother's Day, the service at the local church was in charge of the Woman's club with Mrs. S. W. Corse presiding in the absence of Mrs. King, the president.

 

The Junior choir contributed to the musical numbers. At roll call each member rose and responded to "What I Owe to My Mother." The new pastor was present but had little to do with the service except to make the opening prayer, read the scriptures and give the benediction but he will have his opportunity the next service. Letters were read from former members from many parts of the nation and from the number of books apparently on the way at least twenty will be added to those presented the day before. Thus closed a two-day festival honoring the Woman's club and its library.

 

Mrs. Frank King was absent from all the programs because of an accident to her son Fred. It seems Fred tried to kill out a big ants nest with gasoline and when he put a match to the fluid the fire caught in his clothes and he was quite seriously burned.

 

Mr. Van Dyke, the new pastor, drove here from Louisville, Ky., arriving Friday evening. He will spend one week here and the next week at Garwood, thus serving both places.

 

Mesdames Duller and Braden from Blessing, Mrs. Walter Wilkinson of Bay City, Mrs. P. J. Richman and Miss Ruth Harrison of Palacios and Mrs. Morris of Houston were out of town guests Saturday.

 

Here is a thought for Mother's Day;

 

" 'Tis a mother's large affection

Hears with a mysterious sense--

Breathings that evade detection,

Whisper faint and fine inflection,

Thrill to her with power intense,

Childhood's honeyed words untaught

Given she in loving thought--

Tones that never thence depart;

For she listens--with her heart."

 

The Daily Tribune, Tuesday, May 12, 1931

 


Collegeport

 

Collegeport Day. Well I guess every one is looking forward to Saturday, May 23, the twenty-second Collegeport day with great pleasure. Bring your basket dinner and spend the day in fun. The Rhythm band will be one feature of entertainment.

 

Reverend Travis of Alamo is spending his vacation at Collegeport. Mr. Travis is a very welcome visitor having made this his home for many years.

 

Mrs. Helen Holsworth left Monday morning for Illinois. She expects to visit several places on the way, one being with the Boekers at Springfield. Mr. Jack Holsworth took his mother as far as Houston.

 

Mr. Burton D. Hurd spent the week-end with his wife in Collegeport.

 

Mrs. Roy Nelson was hostess to the women's club Thursday afternoon. After the business session, Mrs. Clapp led a very interesting program on "Better Homes." Very delicious refreshments were served by the hostess.

 

Mr. and Mrs. J. J. Harbison visited friends near Bay City, Saturday.

 

Mrs. Childs [Chiles?] was happily surprised by a short visit from her son and his friend from San Antonio, Wednesday night.

 

Misses Leara and Gertrude Hunt gave a slumber party to a number of girl friends Friday night. From all reports they had a very delightful time and after a sunrise breakfast all departed hoping for another party soon.

 

Mr. and Mrs. Harbison entertained the high school Wednesday night with a school party. From the happy sounds that came from that direction we know they had a fine time.

 

Delicious refreshments of punch, chicken salad and angel food cake were served. At a late hour everyone departed thanking Mr. and Mrs. Harbison for the many good times they had given the high school this winter.

 

Miss Flossie Prunty came home on Monday night from Refugio where she has been visiting for several weeks.

 

Mrs. Childs had four week-end guests, her mother, sister and brother from Wharton.

 

Rev. Van Dyke will preach Sunday morning and evening at the church.

 

Mr. and Mrs. Roy Nelson entertained the intermediate girls of Mrs. Nelson's Sunday school class to a fried chicken dinner Sunday. Those who attended the delightful repast were Gertrude Hunt, Fawn Adams, Ermine and Aline Harbison, Beth Eisel, Tootsie Childs and Rosalie Nelson.

 

Several children are entertaining the chickenpox but all are recovering at the present writing.

 

The Daily Tribune, May 20, 1931 
 


THOUGHTS ABOUT OLD AGE

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

[Local information taken from longer article.]

 

The annual observance of Collegeport's birthday comes on Monday, May 25, but it has been decided to hold the affair on Saturday, the 23rd with a community dinner to which everyone is invited and to bring their baskets of digestible eatables. This will give opportunity for the usual chit-chit and talking over told times.

 

Charles Prunty will be the director of athletics with Miss Dorothy Franzen as assistant in charge of the woman's division. Mrs. Richard Corporon will be director of the musical program which will include several numbers by the rhythm band. Mrs. H. A. Clapp will be the director of the Rooters while Mrs. Roy Nelson will act as director of the noodles and Miss Francis Eisel director of fried pies.

 

With such directoral talent, how is it possible to fail in having a delightful day? The women of Wadsworth have challenged the women of Collegeport for a game of baseball. The local team is right now steaming up, getting their muscles limbered and planning to wipe the earth with the Wadsworthians. Mr. Prunty will have other games so the afternoon will be well filled.

 

Rev. M. A. Travis of Alamo is here for a few days visit and to attend to some personal affairs. The new pastor Reverend Van Dyke left Wednesday for Garwood, where he will spend one-half his time returning next Wednesday for a week at this place. When I commented on Mirth remembering about the weather fifty years ago I closed my comments with "I advise that when Mirth plays another tune it be 8VA." When it appeared in the paper it read 8ZA. Well, so far as I know, 8ZA means nothing while 8VA means one octave higher as the Band Box can readily confirm.

 

The Bay City Commandery Knights Templars observed Ascension day with services at Blessing. Of the membership which numbers sixty, only fifteen were present but I am proud to state that the Collegeport members turned out one hundred per cent strong. Reverend Gillespie of Palacios, delivered the sermon in his usual attractive manner. About eight persons attended from this place.

 

The library committee, headed by Mrs. L. E. Liggett, is busy arranging the new books which now number ninety-eight and they will soon be ready for the public.

 

Thursday I received a notice that the Pigeon Michigan high school would hold its annual meeting and banquet Friday night, May 29. The first class was graduated in 1874 and this has been an annual event for all these years. I finished the course in June, 1880 so I may be counted as one of the old timers. Dues 25c. Refreshments 25c. I am not interested in dues, never was, but I never intend to neglect refreshments and am sorry I will not be present. Wish I could send them a tank of those Famous Carrie Nelson Noodles.

 

The woman's club held their regular monthly meeting with Mrs. Roy Nelson. During the business session it was disclosed that while the total expense of the library birthday doings was less than five dollars, nearly one hundred books had been received. Pretty cheap lot of books in my opinion. The program was in charge of Mrs. Harry Austin Clapp the subject being "Better Homes." Papers on the subject were read by Mesdames Chiles, Hurd, Liggett and Wright. Mrs. Clapp is the local representative of the Better Homes in America movement and received much aid from the general office at Washington, D. C. Besides the books, the library received about $13 in silver offering five of which was the gift of Mr. Sam V. LeTulle.

 

Frank O. Montague, county agent, was looking our territory over the other day and we had a very happy visit with him. As luck would have it we had two potatoes and an egg on that day. He always has some tale of interest for us and on this visit told of a man living not far from us who is seventy years of age. He lives on a forty acre farm, milk ten cows, sells eggs, butter fat, a few calves, a pig or two, two or three cows each year, has a cotton patch, a garden and last year put $750 in the bank. We need more seventy-year-old men with their sixty-eight-year wives and then Matagorda county will occupy its own place.

 

I read in the papers that Illinois has passed an eight hour law for women. It exempts women working in mercantile establishments, hotels and restaurants. This means that the wife comes under the provision of the law. I hope Texas does not pass such a pernicious law. When I married the miserable wretch it was with the understanding that she was to be on duty twenty-four hours each day. If by law her working time is cut to eight hours I will join some similar organization so I can have the use of a full force.

 

In what respect is building a jail with a bond issue any sweeter than doing the work with ten year, six per cent warrants? Both are debts which must be paid. One is a mortgage and the other a note but both are installment buying. We need the jail and Joe Mangum will be a tickled boy to move into a modern, sanitary jail house and I for one congratulate him on the prospects.

 

Those who tuned in on KPRC Wednesday afternoon heard a splendid talk by Bill Leslie. It was a comprehensive statement of the work, objects and aims of the Bay City American Legion. To be honest, good as it was, I would enjoy hearing Emily's voice even if it did have to come through here.

 

A bouquet consisting of a big crisp cabbage for a center surrounded with delicious carrots and bordered with bright green English peas is something any table may be proud of. Such a bouquet came to me on Thursday from the hands of Dorothy Franzen and its perfume is still delighting us. Telling it with flowers is all right but believe me the story can easily be told with vegetables. I expect to gain back my lost five pounds soon as I am through with them there carrots. I'll not send any of them to Judd Mortimer Lewis for he knows not what a gustatorial delight is. Poor ignorant Uncle Judd.

 

Mesdames Hurd and Clapp were called to Palacios Saturday to judge the flowers in the exhibit. Mrs. Clapp was unable to go, but Mrs. Hurd went and reports a splendid display of flowers all home grown. Having spent many years in the study of flowers, Mrs. Hurd made a very capable judge.

 

The Daily Tribune, May 22, 1931

 


THOUGHTS ABOUT WASHING DIRTY DISHES

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

[Local information taken from longer article about dirty political dishes.]

 

Some sections of the state may be dry [prohibition] but this 19th day of May, Collegeport and the Magic Bottle are very wet from a generous and welcome rain that came this day. This gives cotton a needed pick up which is shared by all the other crops. Some warm, or rather hot days will cause our six-cent cotton to sprout into bloom.

 

The new style in dresses, long and narrow are not admired by the long tall slim gal for they accentuate her pole-like structure but they are dandy things for the girl who looks like this () when she walks from the observer. If the reader would like to look at a good picture of Miss Lera Hunt his attention is directed to the front cover of the June Country Gentleman.

 

After reading the article written by Ruth Harrison extolling the virtues of prohibition it appears that this string of "Dirty Dish" Thoughts should be prohibited, but "the moving finger having written moves on."

 

Ruth's story was printed in the Palacios Beacon and after reading it I am almost persuaded to be a Christian but by gosh, I can't write two strings in one week so my readers will have to use charity.

 

Our kiddies with their parents and friends journeyed to Midfield, Friday, to attend the exercises of the rural school. Everyone of them answered present and a good day was enjoyed by all.

 

The Collegeport Rhythm band directed by Miss Ethel Nelson was the feature of the program and the next best thing was the piano solo by one of our old girls, Miss Lois Coffin, who is a teacher in the Midfield schools. She played beautifully showing that she had unusual expression. Many devotees of music never can escape a mechanical performance but Lois plays with delicate expression the result of years of study and good training. The following were the graduates from Bay View school: Rosalie Nelson, Elizabeth Chiles, Gertrude Hunt, Fawn Adams, J. O. Prunty.

 

When attendance certificates were issued some one forgot little Ruby Grace Prunty much to her disappointment and disgust. Ruby has never been tardy, never missed a day and she is entitled to her certificate and I hope the error will be corrected by Superintendent Pollard.

 

The band delighted all present. The performance was without a flaw and as one woman stated "they acted like seasoned troopers." As a result of this performance several schools will organize similar bands.

 

The weekly Tribune under the date of May 21, contained three fine articles, one of them being Thoughts About Old Age then the address to the graduating class of the Negro school by Dr. J. P. Browning and by the way I suggest that every one white or black read this fine address. The third is the editorial about the tax on sulphur.

 

The twenty-third observance of the birth of Collegeport was observed as usual and I wonder where there is another community that for so many years has remembered. The attendance was smaller than usual and the food supply for that reason not as abundant but there was enough and to spare and all left the tables with distended tummies. That is a good feeling at any time. Attendance was cut down because of the press of farm work. Cotton must be chopped, weeds must be killed out, else they smother the life out of the crops men depend on. As usual the delight, rapture and charm of the tables was the large generous dish of the Famous Carrie Nelson Noodles. I located that delectable and nourishing dish before the dinner bell rang and so had no difficulty in loading on enough, plenty, sufficient. Oh, yes, there were plenty of common foods as pies, cakes et cetera, but who cares for plebian grub when one may satisfy hunger with noodles. The Rhythm band played several numbers under the direction of Miss Ethel Nelson and this was the first time the band has appeared in uniform. They presented a beautiful picture in their new suits and the best part of it was their dignified behavior. Miss Ethel is improving in her director work and the band's membership is fully up to her standard. I suggest that the "Chink Chink" song be taught to Ethel. It could be made a great feature if she sang the words and the band joined her in the chorus. We are very proud of this little band and a little bird told me that the Bay City people would soon have a chance to share our pride.

 

Frank O. Montague came down and brought his wife, mother-in-law and four fine kiddies to prove to us that he has a family. He has posed as a single man long enough so no more stunts along that line goes. A most welcome and enjoyable visit and us Homecrofters hope it will be repeated.

 

Mrs. Pollard, county superintendent of schools, drove in a little late for the feed but she heard the band and enjoyed the sports. As reported last week the women of Wadsworth challenged the women of Collegeport for a game of base ball. It proved to be base all right. Both teams were short of timber so they got along without a shortstop and one fielder. The lineup was as follows:

 

Collegeport

Position

Wadsworth

Mamie Franzen

Pitcher

Mary Ellen Covington

Fawn Adams

Catcher

Ann Dell

Barbara Hale

First Base

Mrs. Laird

Hattie Kundinger

Second Base

Mrs. Fanson

Louise Walter

Third Base

Mrs. Huston

Mary Ellen Foster

Right Field

Joe Mangum

Mrs. Brimbery

Center Field

Margaret Fanson

Mrs. Keith, substituted for Mrs. Brimberry

 

Score 32 to 22 in favor of the visitors. Collegeport made 21 runs in the first inning and after then sort of rested.

 

Reverend Van Dyke umpired behind the bat with Messrs. Prunty and Murry at bases. Our girls appeared in beautiful costumes. Mary Ellen in yellow pajamas with white dots. Mamie with a suit of stripes. Barbara Hale with just blue pants which she did not need for she looks good in anything. Louise Walter looked like a French rose in her suit. The Wadsworth team all wore big skirt pants which might do well for a beach party but were quite generous for base running.

 

I regret that no fried pies appeared. Frances Eisel was appointed director of the fried pie division for that one purpose. This had been a busy week for us College Sports so we welcome Sunday with its rest.

 

The Daily Tribune, May 27, 1931 
 


THOUGHTS SNATCHED FROM THE AIR

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

A week or two ago commenting on the new law in Illinois forbidding women to work more than eight hours per day, I expressed the hope that our Texas legislature would have more sense. Now I read in the Houston Chronicle that some fool member proposes such a law. It worries me, for I dislike to make new family relations at my age. Up to this date, the miserable wretch, so far as she knows, believes that I have always been a one woman man, but I notice right now that if such a law is passed I shall look about for two more wretches so I can have a twenty-four hour service.

 

That grocery firm at Markham sending out circulars each week is sure reaching out for business and to tempt the out of town buyer, they, this week offer three pounds of coffee for ninety cents and with it ten pounds of sugar for twenty-two cents. If I had some of that sugar to go with our two potatoes and the one egg, Mr. Mont A. Gue would sure have a feed when he visits us next time.

 

They say that Collegeport would have won the ball game last Saturday if Hattie Kundinger had not sprained a tendon.

 

Mary Louse, always thoughtful, sent us a peanut from San Antonio that measures eleven inches from end to end and eighteen inches in circumference and you can "Believe it or not." If not come and see it. Hope our crop pans out as well.

 

Discussing the "railway vs. truck" situation, the other day with a friend he stated that it would be quite easy to get along without any railways. President Baldwin of the Missouri Pacific has this to say about the subject in "normal times," the freight traffic of this country approximates 1,000,000 cars a week. Allowing three tons per truck it would require ten million trucks and allowing fifty feet per truck it would take 100,000 miles of highway to line up enough trucks end to end to load this traffic. It doesn't require much of an imagination to picture what would happen if the railroads ceased to function.

 

The miserable wretch was so busy last week with clubs, libraries, graduation exercises, Collegeport's birthday, that I am wearing sox with a hole in the heel.

 

A good way to stop gossip, caterwauling, back-biting, is to use the remedy suggested by the captain of a channel boat, when a Scot asked him how to keep from being seasick. "Have you a six-pence?" asked the captain and the Scot replied "Ay," "Well," said the captain "hold it between your teeth during the trip."

 

Came Mrs. Patricia Martyn, county nurse, son, daughter and nephew for an enjoyable visit. Patricia told us her snake story and as she appeared to be normal we had to believe it. She examined me for hydrophobia and pronounced me safe and sane.

 

Also came Mrs. Bub Smith to ask if I had a Ford, every one had one, intended to buy one, to all of which I replied "nay" but I give notice to Pat Thompson that when, as, and if, I buy a car it will be a Ford and will only buy it through Mrs. Bub Smith. I selected a convertible cabriolet and now all that is necessary is to close the deal and get our signature on the dotted line. Well, anyway, we wish Mrs. Smith would come down again when she is not selling cars.

 

A letter from Kansas says "From Thoughts I got the first information in regard to the new rural high school. The speech Mr. Tetts broadcast was very inspiring and it does seem to me that big capital should get back some of the great possibilities."

 

Fred King who was so badly burned recently is making good recovery and will soon be out. He was taken to Bay City Thursday for further examination.

 

Collegeport is not to be outdone by any other community has now added an incendiary to its staff of celebrities. This individual went to bed in the room of Vernon Batchelder the other night and soon was fast asleep with a lighted cigarette in his mouth. Result--a fire which destroyed a valuable Persian rug and a big hole in the floor. If this fellow comes to your house for a night's rest, insist on strapping an automobile fire extinguisher to him. Even without a cig he is a hot baby so watch out.

 

Went over to the Farmers Storage the other day for a link of bologna to go with our potatoes and found that they had added a new building to their already commodious establishment. Asking for the reason, was informed that they were doing a business of two hundred dollars per day and the cash came in so fast that Mary Ellen could not take care of it, so they built this extra room for her to toss the money in, until she could scoop it up for shipment to Bay City.

 

Well, anyway, it's a pleasant place to trade in, for Brown is a courteous clerk. Vern always has an expressive important, sympathetic smile and Mary Ellen, with her bright eyes, adds to the attraction of the place.

 

The King's Daughters met Thursday with Mrs. Liggett and I was invited to be present and consume chicken dumplings but the miserable wretch had to throw a tendon that day and it was my business to stay at home and administer first aid. Mighty sorry, for I sure would have enjoyed them there dumplings. They had a very satisfactory meeting without me.

 

The League met the same day at Homecroft. The secretary read the financial statement for the year showing that of the total revenues of the League that seventy per cent had been spent on the school, library and community house. Mrs. Hurd took charge of the catering and all appeared to have a happy time.

 

Mr. T. P. White will be the superintendent of the consolidated school next school season with a gentleman from Victoria and Dorothy Franzen, Marie Nestor and Vera Williams assisting. I am informed that a sixth school teacher will be employed. Two trucks will transport the children to the school building.

 

Jack Holsworth sold a five year old heifer to a Palacios market that dressed out 699 pounds. The butcher stated that it was the largest per cent of dressed beef he had ever seen. Just shows that it pays to raise Holsteins for it is well known that they dress out a big per cent. This heifer was sired by our registered bull King of Collegeport Aggie and was a fine looker, slick as silk and extra well built. This reminds me that Mrs. Helen Holsworth is on her way North where she will visit with Margaret and conclude with a trip to Eastern points. This means that we will not see Margaret this summer which is not at all pleasing.

 

An old timer told me one day that more calves were shipped out of this county each year than there were cattle rendered for taxation. I suppose this may be accounted for by the large number of twins, trips and quads that are dropped each year.

 

Mary Louise writes in her daily epistle that she had the pleasure of seeing she who once upon a time was Evelyn Heck. When Evelyn was living here we filled out a splendid quartette of young girls, Mary Louise Clapp, Evelyn Heck, Lois Coffin and Helen Duckworth. The burg never grew four finer girls and we look back with pleasure to the many times they gathered at our home and we listened to their joyous laughter. Wish they would organize a reunion right here at Homecroft. Bet it would take the kinks out of that bum left leg of the miserable wretch.

 

"An exquisite completeness blossom foreshadowing fruit;

A sketch faint in its beauty with promise of future worth;

A plant with some leaves unfolded and the rest asleep at its root,

To deck with their future sweetness the fairest thing on the earth.

 

Womanhood, wifehood, motherhood,--each a possible thing

Dimly seen through the silence that lies between then and now;

Something of each and all has woven a magic ring,

Linking the four together in glory on girlhood's brow."

--Anon.

 

The county editor loves to print "As we go to press," so I will write as we go to press, learn that we have a lady in the town, in the presence of Miss Holsworth. I do not know her full name but she is the daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Mason Standish Holsworth. She arrived late Saturday night or early Sunday morning. It makes no difference when so long as we have her sweetness for the community. She could not help but be sweet for just observe her daddy and mama. Congratulations to Grandmother Helen and Aunt Margaret as well as Pappa Jack and Mama Ethel.

 

"Nae shoon to hide her tiny toes,

Nae stockin' on her feet;

Her supple ankles white as snaw

Or early blossoms sweet.

 

Her een sae like her mither's een,

Twa gentle, liquid things;

Her face is like an angel's face,

We're glad she has nae wings."

--Rankin.

 

P. S. As we go to press we learn of the marriage of Minnie Lee McNeil on Mother's Day. I did not learn the name of the fortunate man but having known Minnie Lee for so many years he is congratulated.

 

The Daily Tribune, Tuesday, June 2, 1931

 


THOUGHTS ABOUT MEMORIAL DAY

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

[Local information taken from longer article about the first Memorial Day program Mr. Clapp attended in 1881 in New York state.]

 

Miss Ethel Nelson celebrated her eighth birthday Wednesday with a party to which thirty-five guests were invited. I suppose that this included the members of the rhythm band which Miss Ethel leads. Games and other stunts filled the hours and a bountiful spread of refreshments was served before the party broke up. Ethel is on the way.

 

The young lady whose coming to Collegeport was mentioned last week proves to be Miss Margaret Ann Holsworth. She is enjoying a visit with her aunt very much and exercising her lungs in a vigorous manner. If she grows into as fine a woman as her Aunt Margaret she will be a credit to the community.

 

Our precinct commissioner is doing a fine lot of necessary grading on central street west of the schoolhouse and it is hoped that this will provide drainage that will do away with the mud hole that has been a nuisance after each rain. And another splendid job was the work done on the east line of town running from the "nine-foot sidewalk" to the railroad crossing.

Charles Prunty should consider himself a very lucky fellow. It appears that some truck loaded with oil, dropped a fifteen gallon steel tank filled with lubricating oil on the road. Charles coming along after night and turning out to pass another car banged right into the barrel. It was raining hard and his observation was limited. A badly damaged car but no physical injuries resulted.

 

I am informed that Dorothy Franzen is in Houston for a few days. I suppose she is looking into the insurance business.

 

Since the center of the earth has moved to Bay City, Vern Batchelder seems lost. His eyes have a vacant stare, and one is obliged to speak twice before he appears to realize that he is being spoken to.

 

Suppose that his spirit is thirty miles away. Tom and Barbara Hale are down here for the summer and I wish they would stay all winter as well. Barbara is attempting to feed the hungry while her mother, Mrs. Tom Fulcher, is visiting her daughter, Myrtle, near El Campo.

 

Fleming Chiles drove in Sunday from Nebraska where he went for his wife and little son. They stayed three days and departed for their home near Lytle, Texas, where Fleming is employed by the Humble Co.

 

Jack Walker "on the cement" at Markham is selling hardware way down so he can fix up the kitchen before friend wife returns.

 

The library opened Friday for distribution of new books. The entire place has been cleaned and put in order. All books numbered and catalogued and placed in the racks. About forty books were loaned. All this to the credit of Mesdames Hurd, Liggett and Clapp who toiled faithfully that the community might enjoy the two thousand volumes.

 

We have a new institution in town. Hattie Kundinger, Mayor Doma of the Collegeport Pharmacy, has opened a new department known as the "Come on Inn" and she will serve delicious hamburgers, wieners, hot tamales, chili, coffee et cetera and so forth. I presume that the first time I visit "The Come on Inn" Hattie will serve me one of those hamburgers, so I'll know how to tout 'em in my next string.

 

It appears to me that this here Trades Day business has done gone far enough. Here it is the first Saturday of June and everyone in the burg has either gone to Bay City to buy sugar or to Matagorda to attend the meeting of the county federation of women's clubs. The burg is a dead one or would be if it were not for a few dogs, doggone 'em, and I mean the humans and not the dogs.

 

I read in the papers that dentists are permitted to administer intoxicating liquors to patients "when necessary to afford relief." I bet Doc Sholars will have a bundle of aching teeth to relieve. Three of my teeth are aching as I write.

 

The Daily Tribune, June 9, 1931

 


THOUGHTS ABOUT ME AND PETER

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

Several years ago I wrote a story about my dog Pieterje and one of the local Trib readers because so disgusted that he promptly stopped his paper. I am, therefore, a bit coy, shy and different, in writing bout "Me and Peter," for it is not my intention to write anything that will cause Carey Smith to lose subscribers.

 

There is little to write about "Me" for everybody down in this neck of the woods knows me. Suffice it to say that I am no chicken, but an old bird with many years behind me and when this is read I shall have passed the sixty-ninth milestone. I am not a very interesting character and there be some who will agree that my elimination might be a grand thing for the community for at times my crow is much too vigorous to please all of the local burghers. But of "Peter" we have a different story. Howcum Peter, I do not know.

Last year I bought from Mrs. Haisley a sattin' of eggs. Supposed I was going to have a bunch of red chix but lo, when the batch was off, I had twelve little reds and one jet black bird. Because he was so black I gave him a bit more attention and because he evidently cared little for the association of his red brothers, he isolated himself more or less and I began to feed and coddle him and so we became well acquainted and at last chummy.

 

As Peter developed, I found that he was to be a great big bird of "un Gallo muy grande." Several pronounced him as a member of the Black Jersey Giant family and I believe that is true. Well, anyway, he seemed never to stop growing and not only increased in size but in beauty until now he is a splendid specimen of his breed. Peter knows his name and no matter where he may be, if he can hear my voice he comes on a half run and half fly to meet his beloved partner. Perched on my knee, he holds long and intimate conversations with me and tells me many things that otherwise I would be ignorant of. When I go out to milk he follows me and standing under the cow will keep up a continual run of talk, I suppose inquiring from whence comes that stream of milk. When the milking is over he follows me to the house and jumping on a chair near a window waits with impatience until I come out to him. His great feet clatter across the gallery with a noise like that of a mule. When I go up town at night for the daily letter from San Antonio, he goes as far as the gate and when I return there he stands waiting for me and cutting in behind stalks proudly to the house all the time scolding my neglect in leaving the premises. Peter was insulted once, for a lady friend of mine seeing him said "what a big hen you have." Peter knows he is no hen. He is a gallo and so he resents such an aspersion. Putting a bit of food in my lips, Peter will pluck it out in a dainty manner and after eating it cock his head from side to side and beg for more. For all of these things Peter will have a long life for what man could kill and eat his friend. The miserable wretch would be willing to see Peter submerged in a stewing pot and would pick his bones with delight. She always did have a cannibalistic nature and the longer I live the more I think "wimmen is queer critters." How could I call "Peter! Peter!" have him come running to me and then introduce him to the axe? Nosir, Peter has a long life before him unless disease or accident cuts it short. This is the tale of "Me and Peter," and if any of the readers do not like it for heaven's sake do not express your displeasure by discontinuing the Tribune. Just tell me as others have "lay off."

 

Miss Margaret Ann Holsworth, who has been visiting in Bay City for the last ten days, is now going to Markham for a short stay with her grandparents after which she will come to her home in Collegeport. I am informed that Miss Holsworth's mother, Mrs. Mason Standish Holsworth, will accompany her.

 

It is reported that a visitor to the library the other day, after looking over the new books, said "I notice you have some of Scott's works." "Yes," replied the attendant we have. Which do you like best?" "Oh," replied the visitor "I have never read any of his books but I have used lots of his emulsion and I think it just splendid." Who says the world does not progress?

 

Readers of the Tribune have no doubt noticed that in the editorial column has appeared quite regularly tax arguments and other columns have been used for further discussion. Monday night a public meeting was held to which all those interested in the subject of high taxes were invited. I doubt if much relief will come from these discussions for as Mark Twain once said in reference to the weather, "every one complains but no one does anything about it." Men will talk, discuss, cuss and recuss, but when election day comes, they will vote for the same old boys. What is needed is a bunch of real business men in the legislature, men who put patriotism and desire to render service, who will attend to the business of the state as they would their own affairs, who will do this instead of playing politics. Oh, sure we will vote for them again next year as we have always done. I'll bet a gross of eggs which I have against a dozen of Peter's doughnuts that if Governor Sterling was to be the dictator of Texas that it soon would no longer yowl about taxes. Texas would be operated on a strict business basis. A multitude of bureaus would be squashed, commissions would be abolished or consolidated, expenses pared to the bone and that scraped a bit. And then I would eat doughnuts instead of sucking eggs which I can not sell. It would be a bright idea to cut down expenses. Let people go with out some of the luxuries. They need the lesson.

 

A West Texas Tribune reader writes me that "the smallest thing in the world is a pimple on a red bug." Wonder what is the significance, purpose, design or explanation. Perhaps I may consider it an insult.

 

The Woman's club met Thursday with Mrs. Burton D. Hurd as hostess. Nearly all members were present and considerable business was transacted.

 

The president, Mrs. Frank King, was absent because of illness in her family and the vice president was also confined at home, so Mrs. Liggett took the chair and Mrs. Clapp was chosen as secretary pro tem. Mrs. V. S. Haisley, one of the old time members, was voted in an honorary member for life.

 

The members having heard of the proposed change in the method of transporting mail by railway to a Star route and change in arrival and delivery to 1:30 p.m. and 2 p.m., passed resolutions protesting against such change and stating that they were well pleased with the present method and desired no change. An interesting program was arranged by Mrs. Jno. Heisey and refreshments served by the hostess.

 

It is reported that work on the oil well east of town has been discontinued, the force laid off, the derrick dismantled and further exploration ceased. Not the best kind of news for many expected some gratifying results. The company has spent many thousands of dollars in this well and are to be commended for their efforts. It is stated that the drill was down 6800 feet when work was abandoned.

 

Dorothy Franzen returned Saturday from her visit to Houston and brought with her Arnold and Clifford. Dorothy reports that all lines of business looking good except insurance and that is slow. I was at one time in hopes she would take out a life policy. With all the kiddies at home the Franzen pater and mater are happy.

 

George Hetherington is here for a week-end as guest of the Eisel family. It appears to me that he has neglected his Collegeport interests and should cultivate them more assiduously by which I mean steadier, zealous, devoted attention. He may slip up if he don't look out for many an eye is cast towards block 102.

 

Practically everyone knows that the Collegeport branch running from Buckeye to this place is not a profitable piece of road. In fact, I am informed by a well posted railway man that it has never paid a profit. Railways at present are quite active in disposing themselves of short lines and unprofitable ones. This being true, it might come to pass that if the transportation of mails should be withdrawn from the railroad that it would bring either a modification of service to a twice a week or a complete discontinuance. This would not be a pleasant condition for cattle men to face or to the men who move the rice crop. We want the road and we need it and therefore we discuss any proposition that contemplates further depletion of its business we should soberly consider these facts. The present method of transporting mail is satisfactory to 95 per cent of our people and the time of arrival and departure of mail is equally satisfactory. Why change to a Star route when we are already well served? Consider that twenty-seven people live in this community and derive their living from the railroad. Do any of us want all or part of them to leave? All in favor of these people leaving our town say aye. No voice is heard. Who desires the mail to arrive at 1:30 p.m. and depart in thirty minutes. I for one do not, for I want time to reply to letters and I do not care to go after mail at the noon hour. At present the days work is over and patrons go at 5:30 for their mail and have the evening for reading and writing.

 

Mr. and Mrs. Watson Barker (Ruth Mowery) drove in Saturday night for a one night stay with Ruth's parents, Mr. and Mrs. Ben Mowery. This last just as I go to press.

 

I advise the readers to go over to the "Come On In" and devour one of those "De Joghn" special hamburgers. It is made in this manner. Slice a big bun, cover the lower half with a lettuce leaf, spread on about a half inch of sodalicious ice cream, a layer of sauerkraut, a slice of pickle and thin strip of bacon, add a lettuce leaf and top with the bun cover. Talk about living. Ask Hattie to make one for you, absorb it and you will not regret the dime it cost.

 

The Daily Tribune, Tuesday, June 16, 1931

 


THOUGHTS ABOUT A TAX PRESCRIPTION

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

[Local information taken from longer article.]

 

I often wonder why a man with a one cylinder brain is allowed to drive a six cylinder auto.

 

For many years I have been interested in a girl friend whom I call Dorothy [Franzen] now I find that her name is not Dorothy and never was. Her name is Dodtry which is the good old Swedish name for Dorothy. From now on my girl friend will be known at Dohtry.

 

It is with regret that I learn that Charles Prunty has been bumped from his position as Missouri, Pacific agent at this station. He was a courteous, obliging, accommodating agent. Just naturally dislike to see him leave the burg, and hope he can return.

 

Tuesday came with my birthday party. Good friends helped to fill the day with joy. Gifts from my two children Mary Louise and Harry B. and others and among them a great big thick juicy grape pie from my good friend Mrs. Liggett with a note "Congratulations and best wishes for a happy birthday." Then came a splendid letter from Cora Moore, which as I wrote her, just simply caused the birthday cup to overflow.

 

At dinner the old oaken board around which we have enjoyed many festivities, was filled with good things to eat and drink. A chair and plate reserved for Mary Louise and Harry B. with their pictures displayed in front of the plates. Just sentiment but both of us plead guilty to a sentimental emotion and so we keep up an old-time custom. If it adds to our joy and happiness what do we care if others think it silly. Well, anyway, I had a great day and although it marked the end of sixty-nine I felt rather coltish.

 

I came into the world a simple barefooted boy and my first occupation was in the milk business and Tuesday I found myself in the same old trade, producing and selling milk. I have made progress.

 

My mother, what a beautiful, gentle soul was she. How good and loyal and forgiving she always was. No matter what I did, mother always had an excuse, a word of admonition and a kiss of forgiveness. She was my sweetheart and on her breast, I could always find rest and refuge.

 

A wonderful Christian as all who knew her will testify. She died when I was twenty-seven and when her soul passed over I lost the greatest friend I ever had.

 

Tuesday night I said "Turn back, turn back, O time in thy flight. Make me a boy again just for tonight."

 

What a wonderful thing to just once more rest my head on my mother's breast and feel her fingers in my hair and her lips on mine. It is not to be, and so I am thankful that I am living and enjoying good health, friends, a good home, love and respect of splendid children. Isn't life wonderful?

 

The Collegeport Rhythm band journeyed to Bay City Tuesday where it rendered several numbers of the program of the Rotary club. It was directed as usual by Miss Ethel Nelson and I am informed that she surpassed all previous performances. A feature of the program was the song "Chink Chink," the words being sung by Ethel and the band joining in the chorus. I knew this could easily be made a very pleasant feature of this bands' program. The members performed like old time players and there was not one sign of cacophony from the first number to the last. All was perfection. A group of well trained kiddies and they looked swell in their natty uniforms.

 

Plans are under way for opening the new school year on time. The grounds, thanks to our county and precinct commissioner, have been scrapped and graded and if people who have no interest in keeping things in order will only cease running their automobiles across the grounds, when school opens they will be level and clean and ready for any sport. Either the Simpsonville or the DeMoss school house will be moved in and made ready for the sixth teacher. Our school board seem determined that the first year of the consolidated schools will be a great success.

 

Mirth in his column invites folks to come to Bay City to cool off. If he will expunge Bay City and Collegeport he will give the correct tip, for Collegeport, day after day, enjoys a summer temperature that is from three to five degrees lower than that of Bay City. We get our breeze fresh and at first hand right off the bay while Bay City is obliged to breathe second hand air heated by passing over miles of cotton fields. Come on down here, mirth, breathe some of this air and wet a line.

 

The King's Daughters held their monthly meeting at the Harbison home. This is an all-day session with generous feeds, much sewing, chit-chat and a good program. The Daughters passed resolutions protesting against any change in transportation deliver or arrival of our mails.

 

I do not know who first had the idea that we wanted a change but to date I have not found a single person who even desires to discuss such an idea. We appear to be well pleased so why not leave us alone and let us go our contented way?

 

Friday I received a birthday box from my son in which I found two tins of Cigs made for the crews of the Canadian Pacific Steamship lines. They are both good stuff and so faithful old R. J. R. will have a rest while I smoke up on John Cotton.

 

Thanks to the generosity of Sam V. LeTulle, the Juneteenth was observed with a big barbecue of three beeves and a dance in the evening.

 

The barbecue was prepared by Robert Murry which makes further comment unnecessary. This was supposed to be the one day in the year when our colored population can have their enjoyment but the whites swarmed in such numbers that I am informed some of the colored folks never had a taste of the barbecue and at night instead of exercising their dance itching feet, they had to stand on the side lines and watch white folks caper about.

 

Well, anyway, I wonder whyinthehell white folks cannot allow the colored folks one day of enjoyment. It is their day of celebration so for God's sake, let 'em have it and help them to have it but keep on the side lines. O, la! la!

 

The Daily Tribune, Tuesday, June 23, 1931

 


Thoughts About The West Slope
By Harry Austin Clapp

[Local information taken from longer article.]

After the long, dry spell which threatened to ruin the corn crop, comes a heavy dribbling rain which soaked the ground revived the drooping corn, freshened the cotton, causing the fig trees to look up and once more flash their leaves to the breeze. All good stuff and just in time.

I cannot vouch for the truth of what follows, but it was told to me by one whose veracity I do not doubt. It seems, so I am informed, that soon as the center of the earth moved to West Texas, that Vern Batchelder took on so many “heavy dates” in this county and along the Midcoast that he is unable to make them all with an auto, so he plans to purchase an airplane built for two. In this he expects to be able to keep up with his date book. It will carry a generous supply of the DeJohn special sandwiches, sodalicious ice cream, and cooling drinks. Of one thing I am certain and that is the miserable wretch will not be allowed to ride in that danged plane. She is angel enough now. Tuesday we, meaning I and the miserable wretch were invited to Palacios to a shrimp dinner and when we arrived home at 12:30 a. m. we were well content to hit our humble hay.

Thursday came Mr. Mont O. Gue from Bay City and this time feeling sure that we would have only one potato and one egg he brought along a great big juicy steak and some etcetera. Well, we had another big feed which made twice in this week. He left behind Frank O. Montague, Jr., who stayed with us two days and went home Saturday much to our regret, for he is not only a pleasant boy to have around but he kept us supplied with crab meat from which we concocted a satisfying gumbo.

In all my experiences with boys and I have had many visit me, I never enjoyed more their society than I have Frank’s and we both hope he will come again. I would like to arrange for at least half of his vacation time.

Thursday Rosalie Nelson, who has been at Y. M. C. A. camp near LaPorte, wrote us a very interesting letter and urged us to write before Saturday. Her letter was received Friday night and she returned home on Sunday so how could we reply?

Anyway we were made happy just because Rosalie remembered us. I hope when she grows up she will be as good a noodle maker as is her mother.

Clifford Franzen is home for his summer vacation and much to my delight has not forgotten how to do farm work. He has graduated from a seegar to a pipe with a curved stem and smokes it almost like a man. Don’t tell about this but Mamie Franzen had a birthday on the 29th and is now steen years old but she don’t look it.

I am informed that in one of the scenes of Kiki, Mary Pickford fixes a tie on the collar of one of the characters and exclaims “It makes me so passionate to fix your tie.” I wonder what Mary would say if she could see my passionate pajamas? I bet she would be unable to control her passion and then I would be in one helluva fix. I hope she don’t come to Collegeport.

The James Hale family took a trip out as far as Uvalde and had a week of rest and joy. Jim reports that people out there know nothing about business depression simply because everyone of them lives at home. He says that he never saw so much canned stuff from fruits and vegetables to meats of all kinds. Such folk do not buy much at the grocery store. Not required for they have learned how to live off the farm.

After visiting around the county, Margaret Ann Holsworth returned to her bay side home this week and no sooner had she arrived than she expressed her gratification, delight and pleasure in tones that were quite fortissimo. After she has lived here for a time she will no doubt learn how to modulate.

Mr. and Mrs. Emmitt Chiles have been taking a honeymoon trip to Austin, Bastrop and other foreign points and arrived back about Saturday.

“Yesterday this day’s madness did prepare.”

The Daily Tribune, June 1931
 


THOUGHTS ABOUT PEBA DASYPEDAE

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

[Local information taken from longer article about armadillos.]

 

Mrs. Patricia [Martyn], County Health Nurse visited this community Tuesday and organized a local health club. Mrs. Burt Hurd was chosen Chairman and Mrs. Emmitt Chiles as Secretary. About fifteen women and girls above the age of sixteen were present and listened with interest to a lecture given by Mrs. Martyn on health subjects of value to every woman. Weekly meetings will be held each Tuesday at which a talk will be given and discussion encouraged. It is hoped that all women, especially those with children, will join in this important work.

 

Mrs. Helen Holsworth, who has been visiting in Chicago for several weeks, arrived home Thursday and with her Margaret who is one of Chicago's best teachers.

 

Dorothy Franzen accompanied by her sister, Emmaline Franzen, has departed for a six weeks visit with some kin folk in Chicago. I hope neither of them fall in the lake for if they do it will be some wetter than Oyster Lake. And then to make matter still worse here comes the announcement that Mamie Franzen goes to Houston for three weeks. Arnold Franzen comes down for the weekend before taking a trip to the "Republica de Mejico." It appears by all that that the Franzen family are supplying most of the news. That's all right for it is a good family and nothing but good clean news comes from them.

 

It is reported that Miss Ethel [Nelson] and her band will be the attraction at the next Blessing Trades.

 

July fourth was a dull day for a few of us College Sports who stayed at home. Not a sign of life in the burg. All was silence. Hardly a breeze stirred the leaves. The bay was like a great mirror, reflecting in its surface, the shifting clouds, and in the passing picture I could see "Spires whose silent fingers point to heaven." The sun rose, traveled to the zenith, passed on, and sank to rest and as it did so we, meaning I and the miserable wretch, did our annual stunt and shot off our firecrackers and went to bed with our tummies distended with a thirty-seven pound watermelon and our faces streaked with its sugary dripping juices. O, yes, we had a glorious fourth of July but how we did miss our Mary Louise.

 

Mirth certainly threw a few flowers my way last week for he dubbed me as a "sage" which is appreciated for sage means that a man is wise; sagacious; sapient; grave; prudent; and judicious. And not satisfied with that bunch of flowers, he ends up with calling me venerable and that means "deserving of honor and respect." Shakespeare says "all you sage counselors, hence" and Daniel Webster once said "venerable men! you have come down to us from former generations." I trust that in the estimation of Mirth I am all that. Mirth sure knows how to tickle his Remington so go on Mirth and be mirthful while "Old Thoughts" will continue to think.

 

I can hardly sit still with patience until the King's Daughters meet again for I am invited to be present at the home of the Nelsons where I no doubt will feast on some of them there Famous Carrie Nelson Noodles. As I think of noodles my mouth waters and the moisture flows down my face and drips, drips, on my vestments.

 

Over at the Come-On-Inn, Hattie has invented a new and delicious sandwich. It is made in this manner: First sauerkraut is pressed into two flat, firm cakes, which are placed on two thin slices of bread and they must be thin mind you. Then a thin slice of ham, a thin slice of tomato, half inch of sodalicious ice cream, then the cover is added. Those who have partaken of this delectable tid-bit say they become delirious with heavenly ecstasy. I have one coming to me and I expect to experience extraordinary gastronomical joys.

 

The Daily Tribune, Tuesday, July 7, 1931

 


THOUGHTS ABOUT A NURSE
By Harry Austin Clapp

 

[Local information taken from a longer article about county health nurses
and the work of Patricia Martyn.]

 

Last week Mrs. Patricia Martyn, County Health Nurse, came here for her second visit to her local club and gave a very interesting and necessary subject for discussion especially to expectant mothers. These lessons will continue for eleven more weeks.

 

No sooner had the center of the earth been established in West Texas until it moved back to Bay City and then wiggled about until it rested at the Come-On-Inn in Collegeport.

 

I do not understand such vacillation,

It has naught to do with transportation,

Buy Auto, horse, mule or airplane,

So I'll just make this suggestion,

And hope for a proper explanation,

For without it neither one can hope for gain.

--Fragments From Hack

 

The Eisel family journey to Marshall this week. Their business so far as I could ascertain, by talking with Harry Lewis Eisel, Jr., was to see if arrangements could not be made to buy seven all day suckers for five cents.

 

The other day, two young men started from New York in an airplane and flew around the world, a matter of 16,000 miles in nine days. It will not be long before a plane will travel as fast as gossip.

 

I suspect that the Franzen family is pretty lonesome now that the girls are all away and only four boys at home and one of them only weighing 45 pounds, but any way, lonesome or not they remembered us poor, hungry Homecrofters with a sack of roasting ears. The kernels looked like the pearly white teeth of a fairy, soft as a maiden's breast, and succulent as any luscious fruit. It was grand corn, and it would do the Franzen family good to see the large milky ears disappear behind the ivories of the miserable wretch. As for me, I care little for roasting ears, unless it be to have some more.

 

And long about the same time came as a special gift to me a big Wright, which guarantees quality and flavor. I saved it for breakfast and with peaches and cream for a chaser, it went way down to complete satisfaction. Beautiful bouquets both and the grand thing is, that our friends thought of us. With friends, life is indeed wonderful.

 

The Woman's Club met Thursday in the library building, transacted the usual business and devoured angel food washed down with copious draughts of fruit punch cold as Greenland's Icy Mountains. This club has for twenty one years been an important factor in the civic life of our community and every woman in the Magic Bottle should be identified with it. It is a builder and never a destroyer. It has recently had a part in a demonstration of what cooperative effort is able to accomplish and it delivered the goods.

 

Some of Will Rogers gags are quite true but here is one that is not. He writes "One reason why men have learned to not say nasty things to women is that they know a poor woman gets plenty nasty things said to her by other women."

 

Burton D. Hurd is going into the chicken business and of course the first thing to do was the construction of proper quarters. The house finished, the chickens were introduced, and they were so delighted that the very first day one of them laid an egg and that is the cause of the broad and happy smile that covers the face of Burton D. No more will he be compelled to search the neighbors' hen roosts at night.

 

Was over to the Farmers Storage the other day and found new potatoes, roasting ears, tomatoes, cabbage, cantaloupes, water melons, cucumbers, black eye peas, string beans. All of it home grown, and yet there be some who complain that nothing in this line can be found.

 

The last strains of the orchestra died away. The caressing voice of the violin was still, the horns mute, the traps hushed, the director laid down his baton, the curtain dropped, lights dimmed, the play was over, the George Culver life's stage was no more. He was my friend for twenty years and I was his and I loved him just because he was George. Born, raised, and lived in the cattle business he was one of the early trail blazers as cattle were driven to distant markets. When the time came that ranches were being broken up for settlement he still was a trail blazer and until his last days his eyes were on the trail that led to higher and better things for the people of his home town and county. His life was like a pebble thrown into a quiet pool. Involvements spread. Ripples and their effects, until his influence reached the confines of Matagorda County, spread over Texas and washed the steps of the National Capital where he urged and pleaded with engineers for their approval of plans for a public work to the development of which he had subscribed. A large man in stature and heart full of the joy of living, he laughed, sang and danced his way through life enjoying his own pleasure to the limit and generously sharing it with all others. Had he been physically able, he would have danced to death and tweaked the old fellow's nose and passed on with a happy smile on his lips. This was his way. I never heard him say one unkind word of any man, woman or child. Too much charity in his soul. He loved people and people loved him. We live more richly and amply because George Culver lived with us and among us. His life was eloquently and warmly a human story. As I write there is a pang in my heart. Alas! I wish in vain; it is my wish that I could once more walk with George and tell him what I mean. A good man, a reliable citizen, good husband, father, friend and Matagorda County will miss him in the years to come. The gold and purple fields across the river blazed out in brilliant colors when George Culver passed to the bar.

 

"Statesman, yet friend to truth! of soul sincere,

In action faithful and in honor clear;

Who broke no promise, served no private end,

Who gained no title, and who lost no friend.

--Pope.

 

Not satisfied with the harvest garnered, death waited on a railroad crossing and there meeting Joe Mangum gathered him to his fathers. Joe Mangum, for several terms sheriff of this county was returning from the funeral of his old time friend George Culver. He had gone as did hundreds of others to pay his last respects and there he was called. Joe Mangum was in many ways the antithesis of George Culver. I never had the privilege of knowing him in an intimate way. He called at my home several times just before election and those visits, very pleasant as they were, circumscribed our acquaintance. He was a faithful officer and served us well. He never arrested me, but one day, in a joking way, he told me that if he ever did arrest me he would give me a private room and allow me to eat at his table. Joe Mangum settled up many an affair which, had they gone into the courts, would have brought much unhappiness to families and in some cases almost wrecked a life. He was a generous man in his dispensation of the law but stern in its fulfillment when necessary. A fine officer, a splendid citizen. Death took from Matagorda County in one week two real characters.

 

"To die is landing on some silent shore,

Where billows never break, nor tempests roar;

Ere well we feel the friendly stroke, 'tis o'er.

--S. Garth

 

The Daily Tribune, Tuesday, July 14, 1931

 


THOUGHTS ABOUT A SUNDAY

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

[Local information taken from the longer article about a Sunday from Mr. Clapp's childhood.]

 

When the Eisel family returned from their trip to East Texas, they brought with them Mr. Eisel's mother and Tuesday came Mrs. Eisel's father, Mr. N. E. Hill from Marshall, so the daughters Frances and Elizabeth are having the pleasure of two grandparents.

 

Mrs. Patricia Martyn, County Health Nurse, was here Tuesday for her regular weekly Health Club, but the only ones present were Mesdames Liggett, Clapp and Nelson and as none of them needed tonsils extracted no lecture was given. The president and secretary have never been present at these meetings much to the regret of Mrs. Martyn. It appears to me that the women of this community should avail themselves of the wholesome instruction outlined in the program for the twelve meetings.

 

It appears that those who planned the establishment of another hamburger cafe have been seized with an attack of cold feet and we will have to manage to wiggle along with only one plus the splendid sandwiches put up by Hattie at the Come-On-Inn.

 

Looks as though business would pick up at the Farmers Storage since "little bright eyes" has returned her wanderings in other parts.

 

This week sure started out fine for us Homecrofters with tomatoes red as milady's lips from Mrs. Liggett and watermelons and cants from the garden of Ben Mowery. The flesh of the cants was a deep salmon in color and fine of flavor. The watermelon was red, sweet, juicy. If it be true that the miserable wretch is getting fat it is because of the absorption of the rich, sweet juices of watermelon.

 

She sure looks plump to me.

 

The Collegeport Pharmacy has on sale a product that certainly is sure death to mosquitoes and other pests. It is called "PD" but it should be named "PDG" for it is pretty damn good for people, but hell fire and damnation for mosquitoes. Believe it or not, but since the miserable wretch used it she sleeps in peace and therefore I also have more peaceful rest, for she never talks in her sleep. Take my advice men and buy a tank of "PDG" for it works both ways.

 

It may not be generally known, but the people of this community have a young lady in whose accomplishments we take much pride. Margaret Holsworth long ago determined to have a real college education and to that end she has worked and studied, all the time keeping up with her duties as a teacher in the Chicago Public Schools. As a result, she now has three college degrees, B. A.; PhD; and the Masters degrees, the latter given by the University of Chicago.

 

The other day via Air Mail from Nevada, I received a letter from a woman reader of the Tribune sprayed with a delicious perfume for she writes: Have read the Tribune for years. Always read your column which we always enjoy. More power to you. This U. S. needs more citizens such as yourself. I wish you and your good wife the very best of all good things." Pretty nice! Eh whot? I'll say it is and so I thank the writer for the sweet bouquet and say that the goodest thing in my life is my good wife.

 

Mae Franzen has returned from a two weeks stay in Houston and reports that "he" was all OK when she left the city. I have received no word from Dorothy Franzen and unable to understand why the girl has not written me a sweet "billet de amour."

 

If any reader sees F. L., tell him that fish seem to be eager to bite most anything, although they prefer shrimp. Several good strings have been brought in the past week, mostly trout, but some good red fish. William Goff took eighteen trout one afternoon and Harry Eisel, Sr., had a string about fifteen feet long or perhaps more like three. Anyway he had fish to make the pan swell.

 

The past week has been a very happy week for us Homecrofters. Thursday I was invited to meet with the King's Daughters at the Nelson home. The following King's Sons were present: Hurd, Heisey, Corse, Carrick, Braden, Clapp, Nelson, Corporon. The daughters, bless them, allowed the pups to have first service and so they lined up before the loaded chicken, mashed spuds, turnips, tomatoes, salads, pies, cakes, melons, sandwiches, gelatines, iced tea, coffee, et cetera, but the tantalizing odor of those Famous Carrie Nelson Noodles caught the sense of smell and their beautiful golden color and the bits of chicken and the dripping gravy filled the eye with satisfaction. My readers all know that I first filled my plate with noodles, heaped up and then around them I decorated the plate with the common foods of life. I can't help but thank God, that Carrie Nelson knows how to make noodles and that she has a big, kind, generous heart for did she not send home to me a platter. [Another] that just fitted me was the watermelon spiced preserves from the preserve kitchen of Mrs. Burton D. Hurd. After every one was through eating, I sneaked back and hit the noodles and the watermelon preserves once more.

 

The week has been full of pleasures, joys, happiness but to fill it to the guards came Lieut. Lane Holman, U. S. A. with his charming, beautiful wife and darling babies. Of course I have known Lane since his boyhood days and I was delighted to see what a clean, wholesome, vigorous man he had grown into. As I looked at him and then at his wife, I thought that he sure was one lucky dog. A fine little family and a credit to the Holman clan. Louise Holman is now Mrs. Miller. I have not met him, but I care not what he is or how he is, whether he is the most wonderful man in the world, he got way the best of the bargain when Louise consented to join her life with his. In all my life I have never been in contact with a finer family life than the Holmans. Father, mother, four sons and a daughter. A lovable family.

 

I wonder what next week will have for us. One thing I know and that is that Friday the 24th is the end of the thirty sixth year that I have looked at one face. One face did I say? Oh, I mean most all the time. A feller can't help but rubber some of the times. But with a few lapses I have been a fairly faithful, adoring hubby, as the miserable wretch will testify.

 

Fourteen years from this week we, meaning I and the M. W., intend to have one swell party and notice is hereby given that we shall expect a purse of gold and eagles, double ones preferred. You Trib readers can now begin to save your pennies and Carey Smith will be expected to come across in a handsome manner the year 1945. Don't forget the day and date and year.

 

The Daily Tribune, Tuesday, July 21, 1931

 


THOUGHTS ABOUT THE OLD MILL

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

[Local information taken from longer article about The Old Mill poem and Mr. Clapp's boyhood remembrances.]

 

We are reveling, carousing, merrymaking with some more of them there delicious "Ruth M" watermillions and cants. Their dripping lusciousness fills one's soul with complete sufficiency. And along comes my good friend Carrie Nelson who makes them famous noodles with a big bunch of crisp cukes. Just as crisp as an old maid's kiss, cool as the maiden's final no.

 

At last came the "billet de amour" from my friend Dohtry who is visitin' in Chicago. She ends her epistle with the world "always." This shows that she has fallen hard for muh, for always means throughout all time; perpetually." Looks as though I had this girl well hooked and she will no longer worry about life insurance.

 

Came Patricia Martyn, county health nurse, for her regular weekly health club meeting. Good attendance to listen to a fine talk on the care of infants.

 

Same day came the county agent, F. O. Montague, just for a talk and as he is some discusser I allowed him to discuss. Mont A. Gue reports crops in fine condition all over the county and a spirit of optimism among the farmers. I wish the Junior Monty would come down again for we sure hone for some more crab gumbo.

 

Mr. and Mrs. Charles Eisel and the latter's sister, Mrs. Dwyer, left this week for their home in New Orleans, after ten days enjoyment with the Eisel family. Anyone can have a real time with that family especially when Frances and Elizabeth are at home.

 

Will putting a sweet in to a sweet increase the original sweetness? Just a thought as I watched Elizabeth Eisel consume a Baby Ruth.

 

I am informed that Margaret Ann Holsworth enjoys watermelon, especially the "Ruth M" variety.

 

July 27, 1895 I paid the first installment on my "MW." It was the fee for a permit to wed. The next day I paid the second installment and not for thirty six years I have kept up the payments because I did not want anyone to repossess her. She has become valuable property, for she has never failed me in any way. Through prosperity, through adversity, she has stuck close to me. She has been with me on Pullman trains and enjoyed the luxury and she has ridden the trails of Sonora with me, eaten damper bread, drunk my coffee, chawed her dried jerky and slept like a baby on the ground. And so today, looking back on those years I can say that no man ever enjoyed the companionship of a more loyal pard. The day came and we celebrated with friends who came to sit at our good old oaken board and to eat and drink to many more happy years. Gifts a plenty and a welcome telegram from Mary Louise, the girl who never forgets. The "piece de resistance" for our dinner party was ham. Queer thing for an anniversary dinner some might say, but this was not just ham but the "ham that am." It is my special dish and this is the method of cooking it. A slice of ham at least three inches thick. Place in a double baker with half cup sour wine if you have it and if not lemon juice or vinegar and allow it to soak for two hours. Spread the ham with mustard, then cover with one big onion chopped fine. Over this sprinkle chili powder and cover that with slices of green pepper. Cook one hour and forty minutes basting from time to time. Then put in the spuds and when they are done the whole mess will be ready. Take out with a pancake turner and put on hot platter and yell "come and get it." Well we had lots of other things but this was the leading lady. When the lights were out she told me that if she could go back to the same day in 1895 she would choose the same hombre and I know I would pick the same senorita. And so to happy dreams of July 24, 1945.


"We've seen nettles and flowers,

We've seen heaven's glowers,

But we've always seen the

Sunshine, when we've looked again."

 

The Daily Tribune, Tuesday, July 28, 1931

 


THOUGHTS WHILE TALKIN WITH JED PRUTZ

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

The other day while indulging in a bit of retrospection, my thoughts went out to my old friend Jed Prutz, the first man I met, after I located on what is now known as Homecroft. Jed is a peculiar mixture of pessimism and optimism. At times, after I leave him, I call him the King of Optimists and at other times I leave him filled with disgust, wondering why I do not ignore such an infernal old pessimist. Tall and lanky, bald in the head,  freckled, a scanty son of agun on his chin, and a lion like growth on his upper lip, a drawling voice, he is not exactly a handsome feller, but after all, I agree that he is a wonderful philosopher. He says strange things in a strange way, but often time he tells a truth, and so I talk with him frequently and often follow his philosophic advice. I found Jed in a chair tilted back against an umbrella tree, smoking his corn cob pipe, and enjoying life as he always does, for depression never bothers Jed. Before he would talk, he insisted on my smoking and fitted with a clay bowl and said he, "I bought the dern thing over at the Collegeport Pharmacy, and paid ten cents fur it and it's a damn good pipe at thet." Then he brought out two jars of tobacco and said, "here's sum of thet John Cotton and this here is R. J. R. so tek your choice, load her up and let's git bizzy." I told him that Ben R. Mowery liked John Cotton, but for a change I would use R. J. R. and both smoking, we started our visiting. Just to get him started I said "well Jed, what do you think of this burg?" For a few minutes he made no reply, and then blowing a big column of rings in the air, he replied "this here town needs two things and one of them is what they call soledarty, and I don't know what the hell that is, but I read it in some up them papers and it sounds good to me and the other thing is publickity and thet public thing is some kind of fust rate gossip. This here burg don't done have either, so she jest appear to be dryin' up. Ez I used to say 'nothin' doin' cums from doin' nuthin."  "Well," I commented, "What would you advise in the way of solidarity and publicity?" Jed always has to draw in a mouthful of smoke before he can talk and so waiting for its expulsion I got this reply, "Any burg is jest like eny bizness. The man what wants his bizness to rise hez to mix sum yeast. The trouble is that these here folks don't never use eny yeast. They use sizz water, and so the people are blowin' up all the time except when they are blowin' each uther. Why don't you know thet when ever any feller tries to do somethin,' every uther feller gits out his ax and goes to choppin' and a knockin.' You can't grow figs, you kin grows figs, can't grow corn, you kin grow corn. Jest look how they hammered Doc Van fur instance. Every time he tried to do sumthin' sum feller took a crack at his coco. They treated this here Hurd feller the same way. No wonder both of them fellers told me they hain't no use doin' nuthin' fur nobody what hain't never doin' nuthin' fur theyselves."

 

This all sounded reasonable to me, but as I wished to draw the old fellow out a bit more I asked "What about solidarity and publicity? What do they mean?" and quick as a flash he replied ":what the hell? Sooledarty only means git together and publicity means good clean gossip about your town." And then he added this wise saying, "there ain't any body can ever make a silk purse out of the ear of eny sow and remember this boy, Collegeport hain't no sow's ear and never was. There's just a heap of silk layin' aroun' and all you fellers got to do is tu use silk instead of a sow's ear." And leaning his chair forward until the legs hit the ground, he gave me this advice "ef you can't say nuthin' good about enybody, don't say nuthin.'" Spitting a few times at a big chicken that was strolling around, he gave me his last bit of advice in this "the finest feller I ever see et with his knife but every time he felt his tongue a slippin' he put on the brakes." I laid down his fine pipe, after knocking it out and began to say a good bye to Jed who told me to "cum aroun' agin' and I'll tell you somethin' about sum other things about his here burg thet ought ter be fixet up."

 

Good old Jed Prutz. My philosopher friend for twenty three years. I hope he lives as long as I do.

 

Those fellows who complain of back seat driving can easily avoid such a pest, by driving a hearse.

 

Well, anyway, the more I think about conditions, the more I believe old Micawber was right when he said "income one pound, expense one pound, ten shillings; result misery: income one pound, ten, expense one pound, outcome, happiness."

 

I reckon not every one in Bay City remembers Williams Shields Holman. I, for he was our County Judge for several years. Many will also remember William Shields Holman II for he was one of the school kids but this is about the first information about William Shields Holman III. He is only a few days old, but a husky hustler especially around about meal time. I hope to live to see William Shields Holman IV.

 

Two boils came to Collegeport last week. Not very big boils, but quite spry fellows. They looked about for a resting place and at last they located close to the sweet lips of a charming and beautiful girl. There they grew and thrived on the honey which dripped day by day.

 

Yeah! Lucky boils I'll say.

 

Several times in a while, I lapse into poesy, and as Shakespeare once wrote "music and poesy used to quicken you."

 

"The wild flowers look up into the sky

And nod and nod and seem to try,

To tell the story of God and life,

And how men should avoid all strife.

We can all take a lesson from the flower

Of great value hour by hour,

They also tell me of a great love

Sent to me from God above

The love I have for dearest sweetheart

From whom nothing from me can part."

--Fragments from Hack.

 

Hugo Kundinger, First Assistant at the Collegeport Pharmacy, has invented a new drink. It was delicious but had no name. The other day "Little Bright Eyes," visited the place, for a cooling drink and was served the new concoction. She took a sip and with snappy eyes said "O, gosh!" then she took a second sip and with her eyes a dangerous dreamy look, exclaimed, "O, golly!" Taking a last final swallow her eyes filled with ecstatic bliss, looked at Hugo and shouted "O, gee!" And that is the reason the new drink is call "O-G."

 

Here is a bit of cheering news and that is that Louise Walter has gained four pounds in the last two weeks. I do not know where she keeps the four pounds, but I believe what she says.

 

"Indulging the other day in retrospection

I wondered why,

While my mind wandered into speculation

And tried to try,

As best I could with broad imagination

Why with the Center in Bay City

It should make V. B. appear so very ritzy."

 

Some times I just can't leave poetry alone even if my readers wish I would. That's the trouble with a genius.

 

Buying some goods the other day from a Bay City merchant, he said "my wife and I have many a good laugh over the stuff you write for the Tribune." When he called it stuff, I knew he belonged to the literati. Had he called it slime I would have been insulted. His wife liked my ham recipe so well that she will fix up a mess for her family. Little seeds of kindness. Eh, wot?

 

Mesdames O. J. Longuet and Zim Dickert voyaged to Markham the other night to attend a revival meeting. They did not go alone but took along their husbands, well knowing the men needed religious instruction. It worked so well on both men than I am informed they are perfectly tame, and they help about the house, carry wood, work the garden, milk the cow, feed the chickens, and are of great use to their wives. Religion is sure a great thing. Guess I'll have to get some so I can aid the miserable wretch.

 

Mrs. Patricia Martyn here Tuesday for her Health Club, the subject being care of the infant. Mrs. Martyn brought along a baby bath tub and a complete infant's outfit including the new style dadoes. These she used for demonstration. After the discussion, she allowed Misses Robert Liggett and Ethel Nelson to dress the life sized doll. Ethel, already a director, did the directing while Roberta put on the duddies. A good attendance of interested women was present.

 

The best news since the week before last Christmas came last night informing us that Mary Louise would be here Saturday the 8th, for a week's vacation with her Paw and Maw. It's just as Jed Prutz said to me one day "looks like every thing in this here world comes right effen we jest wait long enuf." The Lord knows that for eight months I have emulated the example of Job and tried to be patient, but when a fellow is just plumb crazy about a girl he simply hones to be near her. Well, anyway, fellows, I'll be happy next Saturday.

 

The Daily Tribune, August 5, 1931

 


THOUGHTS ABOUT PIG FEET

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

[Local information taken from longer article.]

 

The longer skirts that are being introduced to our community by two of our charming girls are certainly a relief. It is true that they hide four sweet legs that were always a treat to admire but in return the longer dresses are charmingly womanly. The day of free legs seems to be passing, for in proof, I observe some of the girls are wearing bifurcated garments instead of long skirts. They are called by some lounging pyjamas and they are probably all right for the seclusion of the home, but have no place in public places. They are much too gorgeous and flamboyant. One girl is a beauty to her neck, but from there down with those bifurcated thingumbobs she should be in the side show along with other freaks. If they persist in wearing them in public, I expect they will start creasing them and wearing cuffs and if they do that, why, O gosh! When they do that I shall crease my panties on the side. Us men must be different. If we are not, we shall be nothing worth looking after. If this thing goes on without protest the first thing we know, girls will be eatin' terbaccer and then us men will simply be out on the village dump ground.

 

The other day a man asked me "why is it that 80 per cent of Collegeport's trade goes to Bay City? The answer is easy. Every turn of a wheel is towards Bay City. If one wishes to go to Palacios every turn of the wheel for many miles is away from the objective, for one travels north and then west for miles before the auto turns its nose towards "The City By The Sea." A viaduct across the bay at the foot of Central Street would change this tide that now flows so easily to Bay City into a flood to Palacios, for it would then be only about two miles distant. If the merchants of Palacios, realizing this, would back up a movement to build this short viaduct, the increased trade and bank deposits would in a few years repay them for all the time and cost. We go down to the bay with the ability to almost spit across the water, but when we go to Palacios it means a drive of about thirty miles or two miles farther than to Bay City and that is why our faces are always turned to Bay City and why people say "I'm going to town to day. Can I bring any thing for you?"


I have always understood that it was not a safe piece of business to give a knife to one of the fair sex but the other day I took a chance and presented one of my best and finest girl friends with a sharp knife and as I made the presentation I said "don't use this to cut our love in two." She replied "never fear for I shall use this to cut noodles with." I felt so relieved that going over to the Collegeport Pharmacy, I drank a big "O-G."

 

Attending a spelling match between the De Moss and Collegeport schools, the De Moss teacher was giving out words and she gave out the word "saucy" but she pronounced it "sassy." I told her that it was simply a language vulgarism and there was no such word in the English language and asked how she spelled it. She spelled it "saucy" and explained to me that "a few folks call it 'saucy,' but most every one pronounces it "sassy." She was then and is now a teacher in Texas Public schools, but I trust she is no longer "sassy." And of such is many of our teachers' kingdom. None are to be found in Bay View Consolidated.

 

The Independent Order of the Buzzards has increased its membership to such an extent that the original roost in front of the post office is no long sufficient for meetings of the lodge, so another lodge has been organized and it meets in front of the store of The Farmers Storage Company. It meets daily and there the buzzards may be found preening their feathers and discussing National and International affairs and solving them all for that is the work that all loyal buzzards do. It is wonderful how easily they solve problems that tax the brain and experience of the world's greatest students of finance. You bet us Buzzards can do it.

 

Sunday, Ethel Nelson led her "Baby Band" to Citrus Grove where she directed it in concert work. Asked if there was a good crowd she replied "I had a packed house." Ethel is getting to be quite professional.

 

I am informed that The King's Daughters will meet with Mrs. Della Braden, Thursday, Aug. 20th. I hope the King's Sons will meet the same day so one of them may once more absorb those nutritious noodles. Guess I'll write Sister Della about this date.

 

She came Saturday. At once the sky took on a bluer blue, the clouds showed a gorgeous pearly pearl, the waters of the bay sparkled in diamond glints, the town seemed brighter, people's laughter more homey, birds sang a new tune, flowers nodded welcome, Buckshot barked to show his joy, we meaning I and the miserable wretch, smiled as we realize the beatitude of our possession. All just because she came home. She will be all ours for a week. Seven precious days, O, yes, we are happy today.

 

The Daily Tribune, Wednesday, August 12, 1931

 


THOUGHTS ABOUT MORE PIG'S FEET

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

[Local information taken from longer article.]

 

After reading "YOO-HOO!    PROSPERITY!" by Eddie Cantor in Saturday Evening Post of August 15th, I turned to the miserable wretch and said "It is my belief that the three greatest humorists--and columnists in America, if not in the world, are Will Rogers, Eddie Cantor and Harry Austin Clapp." She agreed with me but asked why I placed my own name last and I replied, "Just innate modesty, prompted that, but down in my own heart I believe my name should be first." She also agreed to that statement and so readily that I wonder if she wants me to buy some more liver. I, as a rule do not feed her much liver, for she gets so many of them vitamines that it is difficult to handle her.

 

Gilmore stock advanced twenty points when I learned that he played the slide trombone. Playing the slide trombone is my denied ambition. I have always admired the fellow who could slide that tube up and down and produce true notes.

 

Wednesday night General and Mrs. Rains and Captain and Mrs. Merser Rains were entertained with an elaborate dinner at the Eisel home. I was not informed as to what comprised the menu, but if the General and his party were served with the Frances Fried Pies, they were well served. Monday the General and his wife leave for a four month's trip around the world which Viliva insists is a flat plane. The General is going to demonstrate that it is round.

 

The same night the Misses Lera and Gertrude Hunt entertained their friends with a party at the Hunt home on South Boulevard.

 

Friday afternoon Miss Margaret Holsworth entertained about twenty-five guests at the Holsworth home, bridge being the piece de resistance. The home was beautifully decorated and delicious refreshments served. We who know Miss Margaret, well know that the affair was "au bon droit" or to make my meaning very clear it was "au fait." Some times it is impossible for me to avoid slipping into French. If you don't get the meaning, drag out the old dictionary.

 

Vern Batchelder is making one of them there "hoo-hoo" bed spreads and using one dollar neckties for the "hey rubes." It is my belief that up in Bay City "she" is making another spread. Any one know what this means?

 

Hattie Kundinger, Chief of the Collegeport Pharmacy, is putting out a new and reliable headache remedy. They say it works fine, but takes some time.

 

The Week's Log

 

Our Mary Louise arrived on Saturday. Sunday we were entertained at the Burton D. Hurd home. Monday played on the home grounds. Tuesday, came Frank O Montague, who took friend wife and friend daughter to Palacios where they were guests of General Birkhead for luncheon at the officer's mess, as special guests of Major Phelps. During their absence came Patricia Martyn and I entertained here with a splendiferous luncheon consisting of chicken soup creole with all the et cetera. It was luncheon affair recherche. Wednesday played on the home ground with much relief and that night callers. Thursday we gave a luncheon in honor of the Misses Ruth, Naomi and Miriam Harrison, and in the P. M. accompanied them to Palacios where we saw 7000 troops pass in review before Governor Sterling and General Hulen. Dinner with the Harrison family, corner Easy Street and Pleasant Avenue. That night as guests of Major Phelps, attended a dance at the Officer's Club and back to the Harrison home for "post midnight" hamburgers, hot off the griddle and to bed a 2 A. M. Friday we entertained the Misses Frances and Elizabeth Eisel at luncheon and that afternoon Friend wife and daughter attended a bridge and luncheon at the Holsworth home with Miss Margaret as hostess. Same night with E. L. Hall, we took Mary Louise to Palacios and turned her over to Major and Mrs. Phelps with whom she journeyed to San Antonio Saturday morning and so passed a very busy and happy week, but I tell you that Paw and Maw were wrecks for two days.

 

"The birds seem to sing a sweeter song

Because I love you.

Their notes are true and never wrong

Because I love you.

The flowers nod in the breeze and sway

Because I love you,

And as they nod and sway they seem to say

She loves you too.

The waves break on the beach with little moan

Because I love you

All this gives my life a richer tone."

--Fragments from Hack.

 

The Daily Tribune, Wednesday, August 19, 1931

 


Rice Harvest is On at Collegeport

Collegeport, Aug. 18.--Harvesting of 8000 acres of rice is this section is under way. Last year, the yield was 12.85 sacks per acre, but this year it will be around 15 sacks.

Cotton picking is on and gins are operating night and day. Forty cents to 50 cents is being paid for picking. The yield is approximately half a bale to the acre, although much of it will go more than that.

Palacios Beacon, August 20, 1931
 


THOUGHTS ABOUT NECKING

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

[Local information taken from longer article about "when a man wanted his woman he simply waited along the trail and when she came in sight he grabbed her by the hair and dragged her to his cave."]

 

Major and Mrs. Putman are visiting Mrs. Putnam's parents Mrs. and Mrs. Corse for a few weeks. Major Putman is stationed at Fort Sill Oklahoma.

Mr. Lewis Neid arrived Saturday and promptly bumped James Hale off the Collegeport run. I asked Mr. Neid why he bumped Jim Hale and he replied "I bumped him because I need the job." Pretty good reason these days.

 

Mr. Hale, I am informed left the same night for Mission where he will have a run on that division. James Hale first came to Collegeport in 1910 when the construction train laid the last rails. The plan of bumping should be reorganized. Mr. E. R. Brazil was bumped into the Buckeye station. Wonder why he did not keep on bumping until he landed this station.

 

Miss Nellie Erby, of Fort Worth, arrived Sunday for a two weeks stay with Mrs. Dorothy Corporon. They were roommates at the College.

 

Sunday the Sunday School was lead by Mrs. L. E. Liggett and the music furnished by Mrs. Clapp.

 

Mr. Harry Lewis Eisel, Sr., was a business visitor on the streets of Houston Monday. If not picked up by the police, he will be home Tuesday.

 

Burton D. Hurd left Saturday via Houston for Chicago and other parts of the country of the Illini.

 

A north and south line drawn through the center of continental United States would pass about 290 miles west of San Francisco, out in the Pacific Ocean.

 

The Englishman has long bragged that the sun never sets on British soil; this is equally true as to the United States. When it is 6 P. M. at Attoo Island Alaska it is 9 A. M. of the next day on the eastern cost of Maine. And here is another for one to wonder at: the most eastern point of the United States is Quoddy Head, Me; the most northern is Point Barrow, Alaska; the most western in Attoo Island, Alaska; and the most southern is Key West, Florida. Working from these four points the student will be surprise as to the geographical center of the United States, for it is located in the vicinity of the crossing of 55 degree north latitude and longitude 110 degrees west from Greenwich: about 420 miles north of the northern boundary of Montana.

 

All very interesting, but in local news we find that Mrs. Watson Barker is visiting her parents, Mr. and Mrs. Ben Mowery.

 

The contractor who moved the De Moss school house and placed in position deserves the commendation and éclat of out school patrons. It was difficult job neatly done.

 

Thursday two of us King's Sons journeyed to the home of Mrs. Della Braden known as "Viento del Oests" where we met with fifty two King's Daughters for their monthly meeting. The table was as usual loaded with refined eatables, Fried chicken, delicate and fragile as a baby's breath, cakes, pies, sandwiches of several varieties and thank the Lord, a big tub of those Famous Carrie Nelson Noodles. Golden beckonings to the hungry Son. Floating in them, tender, compassionate, bits of chicken and beautiful gobs of liver. Canteloupes, fruits, galore, and as I looked at the table I said "Depression! Where ist thou sting?"

 

Madam Poulard became famous because of her omelets and it was said of her that she was not famous because of her omelets! Her omelets were famous because of her. And that's the reason Carrie Nelson has become famous. I pity the man who has not had an opportunity to absorb a large platter of those famous noodles. Next to the noodles attraction, which I am unable to resist, I found delight in a big platter of stuffed peppers made by my very dear friend Agnes Liggett. They were tantalizing, delightful, and I slipped an extra one on my plate when none of the daughters were looking. The usual program in which the miserable wretch had a part, was observed. In the absence of the president, the vice president, Mrs. Nelson, took the chair and handled the business with grace and dispatch. Just shows Carrie Nelson can do something besides making noodles.

 

A letter arrived the other day from Dr. W. W. Van Wormer, informing the school board that the Collegeport Fig Company would make the new consolidated district a gift of about ten acres adjoining the present school campus. To say that our school patrons are filled with delight is to use very common language. Gratification become ecstatic. The field will be cleared of brush, weeds, and other impediments, fenced, graded and when ready for dedication, will be named "Van Wormer Field." This gift gives the consolidated district about thirteen acres of land. We all owe our thanks to the business and patriotic manner with which the trustees of the various districts have brought about this consolidation. It is a great step in advancement. It means better teachers, eleven grades and the first move towards an affiliated school.

 

A certain Markham firm, whose name I may not mention unless they pay the space rates, send me each week interesting advertising. Last week I notice "We have added a meat market to our storm." I do not know what "storm" means, but if they will send me a steak or two, I will find out and let my readers know more about it next week. If they would only do a mail order business I might buy for cash some of the tempting offerings. They should take space in the Trib for that after all is the only way to reach people. As it is, too many of their leaflets are thrown on the floor of the local P. O. No one is so foolish as to throw away a religious paper such as the daily or weekly Trib.

 

For twenty years I have gazed at the large panel over the entrance to our school house and wondered why the building had never been named. I suggest therefore, that we inscribe on that panel in letters of gold, "VAN WORMER HIGH SCHOOL."

 

"We are Van Wormer High

Rah! Rah! Rah!

Oodles of noodles and apple pie

Siz! Boom! Rah! Rah!

 

School will open Monday, September 14th, with seven teachers. Thus do we grow. Not many years ago one teacher was sufficient.

 

"Then the whining school-boy with his satchel

And shining morning face creeping like snail,

Unwillingly to school.

--As You Like It II, II, vii.

 

The Daily Tribune, August 25, 1931

 


Will Move the Simpsonville School
 

Mr. R. O. Brannon of this city has secured the contract to move the Simpsonville school building in to Collegeport consolidated district, a distance of seven miles. He will begin the work about Sept. 1.

Mr. Brannon has just finished moving the DeMoss school building to the same place.

The Daily Tribune, Friday, August 28, 1931
 


THOUGHTS ABOUT TEXAS

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

[Local information taken from longer article about Texas history.]

 

Tuesday night, Mrs. Patricia Martyn, County Health Nurse, brought to us Dr. J. R. Mahone of the State Health Department who gave an address on sanitation, this being a part of Mrs. Martyn's twelve weeks course. About twenty-five were present. Questions asked by the audience soon took Dr. Mahone into the realms of veterinary science for questions ran from hollow horn and wolf tail in cows, to deer flies on stock. What this had to do with sanitation in the home, the questionnaires did not explain. Had the doctor brought along a snake forty feet long, two monkeys or a bear on a chain, the house would have been packed by a crowd willing to pay a generous fee. As it is, one is inclined to believe that our folk do not care as much for education and information on health subjects, as they do for some cheap and vulgar amusement. I blush when I think that a lecture of this type, free of charge, brings out twenty five including children and sucking babes. Anyway, us Homecrofters had the great pleasure of entertaining Dr. and Mrs. Mahone at dinner that night and found them delightful guests.

 

Louise Walter is in Austwell this week, the guest of Mr. and Mrs. Cecil McNeal. I suppose she left her local interests with responsible persons.

 

Was over to the Emil Sliva garage the other day and must say that we are in luck to have such a well equipped garage in this burg and the best part is that Emil is an accomplished auto doctor.

 

Reverend M. A. Travis is here for a two week vacation looking after his estate. While here he takes his part in the local church services.

 

Jesse Real and Charles Prunty, who have been in East Texas working for the Mopac, are back on the home base. Hope they will soon attach themselves to another job.

 

The J. J. Harbison family have moved to Wadsworth where Professor Harbison will operate the school the coming year.

 

Went up to Bay City Tuesday and knocked at the door of Bill's office, but only echoes replied. Bill and Emily were in El Paso on Legion business.

 

One day last week, Hugo Kundinger, second in command at the Collegeport Pharmacy, gave me a box of egg tablets and told me that using one each day, my hens would lay beautiful eggs. I fixed them up in a gob of milk and was counting my eggs when Lo, I came into the house and the miserable wretch was about to use the mixture for bread making. I stopped her at once for goodness knows I don't want her in the egg laying business.

 

While in Bay City, I met an old timer in the person of Mr. Gayle who had read what I wrote about a viaduct across the bay at the foot of Central Street. He informed me that years ago a bridge was built across the bay at this place and that the storm of 1875 destroyed it. He crossed it many times with cattle and wagons. If such a structure could be built now, it would shorten the distance from Palacios to Bay City by about three miles and enable our folks to visit Palacios quickly and easily and us, meaning I and the miserable wretch, could walk to service at St. John's Chapel. Walk? Why sure. It would be easy for us. Most people have forgotten the art. It is a simple thing. All one is required to do is to first advance the left foot placing the body weight on it then advance the right foot, then the left and so on and it is surprising how rapidly one may cover the ground. Perfectly easy when one knows the modus operandi.

 

It will not be long until folks will have no legs because of non use. With church a block away, out comes the auto, for it is impossible to walk that distance.

 

The "MW" has a beautiful pair of legs, while mine, not being so full of grace and fine lines, are still serviceable.

 

From reports, Palacios will soon have a modern hotel. I was informed that the contract had been signed and that work would begin at once. This project is a feather in the cap of the local Chamber of Commerce for it took the initiative.

 

Now what is the next thing on the program? A viaduct across the bay at the foot of Central Street and a hotel on the bay shore at Collegeport. This would prove a drawing card for visitors to Palacios for it would be a pleasure to drive across the viaduct, dine on a gallery overlooking the bay. It is my opinion that many of the army officers would delight in bringing their families to this side during the army camp. The viaduct would give Palacios more business, it would give us more visitors and well the fact is that it is a shame that the citizens of two towns so close together must travel thirty two miles to meet each other.

 

If at any time I wish to experience the feeling of complete exhaustion, all I have to do is to listen to tales of depression. Most of them are told by persons born in this century and therefore they know little about depression. In the late sixtys, my father was in the wholesale boot and shoe business in Chicago and when the panic arrived after the war, he like thousands of other business men, found himself loaded up with post-war goods. Like the others, he went broke and I can remember how discouraged he was. The panic of the next decade is well remembered, also the one in the eightys. When the panic of 1893 arrived, I was in the banking business and although banks failed all about, our bank staid open. Those were really strenuous times. Times that tried the souls of men. Then came 1907 with the banks refusing to cash checks and allowing only small sums just sufficient for actual living. We have nothing of that sort this day. Every check is honored and the banks have money for all legitimate purposes. The fact is that never in our national life have we been blessed with so much cash. There is unemployment, of course, and there always has been, but out of our total population, it means that only five percent, five from each hundred, one from each twenty, is so situated. If each group of twenty is not able to care for the unfortunate one it is a sad commentary on our national and community life.

 

A good way to handle the situation is to require each community to care for its own. Let Collegeport take care of its unemployed; Bay City its own; Houston, Chicago and New York the same. This would distribute the burden. Many of the unemployed will not work unless at their own trade. Will the unemployed in Houston come down where and pick cotton? Not as any one has heard of and yet picking cotton at 50c per hundred means food, lodging, raiment. Charity is easier. The history of the world is replete with tales of high and low conditions. It is a natural consequence of our methods. Keep your linen on. Don't transpire. God is in His Heavens and all is well.

 

The Daily Tribune, September 1, 1931

 


THOUGHTS ABOUT JEALOUSY

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

[Local information taken from longer article.]

 

Saturday Margaret Holsworth left to begin her fall work as a teacher in the Chicago schools. This young woman is a source of pride to our folks for with a stern ambition to make something of herself, she has taught and studied and earned three degrees, one of them the Master Degree given by the University of Chicago. The burg will not be the same until Margaret returns.

 

"Heart on her lips and soul within her eyes,

Soft as her clime and sunny as her skies."

--Byron

 

Friday Mesdames Liggett, Nelson, Hunt, Clapp and Williams journeyed to Blessing where they met with the Blessing Health Club and received aid instruction from Mrs. Patricia Martyn, County Health Nurse. Mrs. Martyn has done a valuable work among the women of the county in her series of twelve club lectures. I am informed that she took Mrs. Braden for a fracture subject and broke a few ribs, a leg or two, a collar bone, and then fractured her skull. She then demonstrated first aid for these broken bones, and when the bandages were removed, Mrs. Braden was entirely recovered. She also sprained the beautiful right ankle of the miserable wretch and cured it in a few moments. Using Lera Hunt for resuscitating demonstration, she first drowned Lera in a bucket of water and then showed how to bring her back to consciousness. When Lera drowns the next time, she has promised to call for me. About seventy women were present.

 

The hearts of us Homecrofters are filled with sorrow over the death of Mrs. Harrison, the mother of George Harrison of Palacios. We have known her intimately for more than twenty years. A sweet and lovable character, a splendid mother, a loyal church woman. The world is better for having enjoyed her flower like life.

 

The deed for the ten acres donated by Dr. Van Wormer, has been received and now the consolidated school will have a real campus for athletic events. It will be known as "Van Wormer Field." The school board joins with the patrons in thanks for this generous gift. Man's foolish stupidity combined with unrelenting natural forces puts us in a peculiar situation. A situation of having too much and not knowing what to do with it. With 7,000,000 people starving in China, why not send some of our 150,000,000 bushels of wheat over there on long time loans at low rates. This would dispose of some of our surplus. Why not distribute some of it to our own folks. They need it. The Federal Farm Board has traded wheat to Brazil for coffee and now plans to ship it by foreign bottoms. This will be a splendid idea for it will deprive our own seaman of work. Then there is the cotton held by the board. Is it any worse for the board to sell it at six cents than for the farmer? Burn it up, dump it into the ocean, take it off the market, but don't ask the poor tenant farmer to destroy his crop. We have too much of everything and no one seems to know what to do with it. Why don't we eat it up, wear it out, and stop yowling about a surplus.

 

Bugs Baer, in the Chicago American says, "If your house leaks don't call in the house wreckers." That is trite advice, but we are not using if for we are yelling for the wreckers.

 

Thursday the Woman's Union met with Mrs. Rena Wright. A good program was provided and the usual religious service observed. Mrs. Wright served as refreshments Angel food and Devil's Food Cake washed down with generous tankards of fruit punch. I'll say this was a nifty service for a church organization. My good mother in law draws the line on Devil's Cake, but greedily ate it when called chocolate cake. Well, anyway, I suspect that some who were present had a touch of the angelic and some prehaps might have felt a bit devilish so both were properly fed. Leave it to Mrs. Rena to feed em right.

 

Saturday the Robbins ranch shipped out a car of fat spring calves that were a delight to a stockman's eye. They averaged about four hundred pounds.

 

A local man told me the other day that it seemed strange that people would pay money for a paper and read the stuff I wrote. I told him that it seemed strange to me, but they did it and seemed to like it. O, la! la! Just a little touch of jealousy, for the speaker could not in a hundred years write one sheet of this copy. He should eat noodles for that nourishing food develops brain and I ascribe my brilliant brain to the Famous Carrie Nelson Noodles.

 

In some countries the women paint their finger nails black, in this burg they use a bright red. I believe that I prefer the black for it is much more prominent. Wonder why they do it. Josh Billings once said "wimmen is queer critters." It is true to this day.

 

Well, here is real news, for Sunday we will have two birthdays. Mary Louise reached her majority and we can hardly realize that the little girl of a few years ago, is a woman of twenty-one. Her mother closed the 64th year and yet as she went to Sunday School, she looked like a young girl. A package filled with love went to San Antonio and one fill the cup to overflow, came a long day letter by wire. These two women have brought blessings, joys, comforts to me and as I look back over my years with them, I can only thank God for his merciful kindness to me. We have enjoyed happy years. We are a happy contented family. We are all for one and one for all. But doggone it, why is there a thorn in every rose? Looks to me that Mary Louise will vote the Democratic ticket next year.

 

The Daily Tribune, Tuesday, September 8, 1931

 


THOUGHTS ABOUT A BRIGHT IDEA

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

[Local information taken from longer article.]

 

Some time every day I turn my face to a point a little north of west, for there is San Antonio and in that city, working away at her profession, is Mary Louise and to day as I looked I had my thoughts.

 

"I sit at my desk and ponder

And as I gaze

From the window I often wonder

Why the flower

Casts its perfume hour by hour

And then to me comes

The thought

That is as God has wrought

And then I think of you my dear

And reason

Comes to me quite clear

For to me

You are just a sweet flower

Giving me

Perfume every hour."

--Fragments from Hack

 

Mrs. Patricia Martyn, county health nurse, came here Tuesday and closed her series of health lectures with a review. The members presented her with a big angel food cake made by Mrs. Liggett, which guarantees quality and flavor. The cake was beautifully decorated with all sorts of dadoes, dinbats, friezes, et cetera, and in the corner the word Health in yellow script. This, not only an acknowledgment of the fine service rendered by Mrs. Martyn, but also a birthday remembrance. Mrs. Martyn has done a work in this community that can not be measured in the coin of the realm.

 

Monday millions of boys and girls wend their way to the school houses. Who is able to estimate the value of this great army marching along the walks and roads? When a man resists efforts towards consolidation of our schools, when he insists on retaining the little one teacher school, which I will acknowledge has nobly done its part in the past, when he opposes a movement towards high class educational advantages, let him remember that "the race runs upward through our children."

 

An auto stopped in front of Homecroft the other day and being curious, I went to look out at it. The driver said, "Whatinthehell is the matter with this car?" Knowing not a thing about car ailments, I replied "I dunno, but if it was my car, I would take it over to Doc Sliva's clinic." He did so and Doc looked her over and diagnosed the trouble as paraphysis of the carborundum and advised an immediate operation. Most all Docs do this. Doc injected an infestation in the spinal column to produce paralysis of the front gear and operated. He found the carborundum not only infested, but badly polluted. He clean out all the putrid microbes, took a few stitches and stepping into the seat, touched the "gogo" and believe it or not, she went off like a new car.

 

I am informed that during the first week of school Miss Marie Nestor asked her pupils to draw a picture of Plymouth Rock and one bright kid asked "shall I draw a hen or a rooster?" Don't blame the pupils or the teacher. Look for the home, for there in them they hear atrocious English from the day of birth. It is because of this home training that one who listens around the post office hears such Homeric talk as "Ain't it so--you don't say so--what you gonna do bout it--I ain't never seen the like--it got blowed down" and so on much of it from high school pupils, ad infinitum, ad nauseum. Maybe grammar is not taught in our schools.

 

Miss Ella Louise Roach, a teacher in the Nacogdoches college, has been here a week the guest of Miss Louise Walter.

 

Friday, Mesdames Nelson, Wright and Clapp, journeyed Bay City to attend a session of the teachers institute and incidentally to listen to the Collegeport Rhythm band as directed by Miss Ethel Nelson. They were the guests of the Montague family and of course enjoyed a delightful few hours with the fine family. The same night we were guests at a very swell birthday dinner party in Palacios so we had quite a busy day.

 

Graydon Morris came down from Houston Thursday with criminal intentions on the flounder family. In order to insure good luck he first secured a four leaf clover and sure enough lady luck was with him for he brought in eleven fish. He sent one to me that weighed about forty pounds, maybe a little less. It measured eighteen inches from stem to rudder and was about ten inches beam. Some fish and by the way, if F. L. reads this and feels like fishing he might come down and prick a few for they are here a plenty and in fine condition.

 

Acres and acres of cotton unpicked simply because men are not willing to pick cotton. They much rather depend on charity. The fields are white with the fleecy stuff and it is rapidly shedding. The price paid for picking is small and the price of cotton is also small, but it means food, shelter, clothing and some to spare.

 

Teachers are coming in and Monday the new school will open with a bang and so far as I am able to observe, we are to have splendid educational advantages this year for our boys and girls.

 

The Woman's Club met Thursday with Mrs. Helen Holsworth. The program was in charge of Mrs. Nelson the subject being schools. The hostess served punch and cake. Saturday, several of the members went to Gulf to attend the regular meeting of the county federation.

 

The Farmers Storage is a busy place these days and it requires four clerks to wait on the buyers. For weeks Vern Batchelder, the manager, has worn a vacant look in his eyes, a look as though he had lost something. But now his eyes show caution. Wonder why?

 

Mr. and Mrs. Austin Obberwetter, with the latter's mother, Mrs. Morris, spent the week end with the Burton D. Hurds. They returned to Houston with a fine lot of flounder and trout packed in ice. Good catches are being made every day.
 

Soon as the viaduct is finished, Palacios people will be able to come over here in a few minutes and participate in the good fishing on this side of the bay. For information as to when the viaduct will be open, the reader is referred to Doctor Driscoll.

 

The weeds and grass along the streets and alleys were cut last week, the tonsorial artist being Good and a good job done.

 

I am informed that Miss Dohtry Franzen is buying a new car for her use in coming to school and returning to her home. It will also be handy for her boy friend to use during school hours. The Misses Nestor, Williams and Bell will live with Mrs. Burton D. Hurd and feel that they are lucky teachers.

 

I may not be able to write copy for next week unless I secure a tank of noodles for my brain appears weak and empty. Some of your church guys please pray for me.

 

The Daily Tribune, Tuesday, September 15, 1931

 


THOUGHTS ABOUT WHILE GOIN' TO TOWN

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

Monday, we, meaning I and the miserable wretch, tripped to Bay City the guests of Mr. and Mrs. Harry Lewis Eisel, Sr. About all I saw on the way, was field after field of cotton, snowy white in the sunlight and looking as though not a boll had been picked. Very few pickers at work and all farmers complain that pickers refuse work, some of whom, have the nerve to say that "the soup line is easier." If soup would be refused for about four days, these fellows might change their mind.

 

County Court busy as a bunch of bees. County Health Nurse, Pat Martyn, flitting about with her sunny smile. Amos Lee entrenched in his den. Charles Langham, failed to recognize me, but he will next March. Oscar Barber, with the smile that is always on. Thos. H. Lewis trying to look dignified as he tells a tale.

 

Called on Virginia at the C of C and found her drinking. Awful thing for her to do.

 

Wanted to go to the Montague's for lunch, but unable to find Monty so had to go hungry. Called on Mirth and found him still mirthful. Examined the beautiful boil on Carey Smith's neck and advised him to have the County Nurse treat it. Mrs. Martyn could cure the boil and Carey at the same time.

 

Chief of Police, Frank Carr, called Mr. Eisel down for not stopping at the square. I counted dozens of cars that also failed to observe regulations.

 

E. N. Gustafson in his private office waited upon by a beautiful stenog and trying to look professional. Mrs. Claire Pollard, County Superintendent of schools, dignified and filled full with school statistics. R. A. Kelska trying to find where he lost that dollar. The ubiquitous John Reynolds telling me the story of the greatest life insurance in the world, and the safest policy, and John believes it. The Bachman store spick and span in its new dress and Carl Bachman like a freshly shaven priest. He gave me two cukes. God bless him. Wanted to have my tonsils out, but Doc Scott too busy telling other people why.

 

I like the longer skirts, but they sure do look like hell, when worn over undies made for the short skirts. O, yes, when the sun is shining.

 

I have to laugh when I see Judge McNabb. He tries so hard to look like a pompous judge, but the twinkle in his eye belies his pretended austerity. They tell me that commissioner Baker catches the ladies fancy. They say he is such a sweet man. Commissioner Harrison dressed in white panties and waist, freshly shaven, rushed around with hand full of papers trying his best to look busy, but who ever saw him too busy.

 

The A. & P. store looks like the others to me but O, you Mr. Dickey, I can't resist him so go there to buy cheese. I expect the Rev. Paul Engle and family will now have another slight because I failed to call on them, but how is it possible when I ride another man's horse? Tried to find F. L. and tell him about the fishing. Met Jim Lewis on the street and informed him that I could not pay that note and he turned away with such a sad, woe-begone, dejected dismal, look on his chubby face, that I felt guilty for hurting him.

 

Bought a William Penn cigar at the Alcove and wondered why Bill ever allowed his name to be used. O, yes, they supplied a match for the torch. Well, anyway, we had a fine ride and the miserable wretch talked constantly for sixty miles.

 

School began Monday and glory be, but they have a new bell, and I don't mean the one on the tower, but the one down stairs. It is no dumb bell. I can hear its silvery, sweet voice afternoon, noon and night and as I listen I say "Urmi Bell." Ring on sweet and bell for I shall be full of sorrow and I don't blame the boil at all, for were I a boil, I sure would to be on that fair cheek. Vera Williams wears a smug, satisfied look, just because she has moved the center of the world back to Collegeport. Dohtry Franzen, quite gratified, comfortable, contented, sitting quite easy, on a degree or maybe it is a decree. Mr. White, the Superintendent, has a retiring disposition for he hunts his cover soon as school is out and disappears until "The Bell" rings the next day.

 

Mr. Balusek drives his hack to Citrus Grove for the night, so he may enjoy the quiet of that suburban village and listen to the talk of Amos Johnson. Louise Walter runs her own school this year and is attempting to teach seven grades divided among twenty-five pupils.

 

Right here I wish to announce that the baby band, so ably directed by Miss Ethel Nelson, is a "Rhythm Band' not a "Rythm Band" as stated in the School Institute program. Look it up in the old dict.

 

The King's Daughters met at the Holsworth home Thursday, but as I was not invited, I am unable to make any report about the noodles. I expect they had the usual program, prayers, gossip and I am certain they were well fed.

 

Ben R. Mowery still sticks to that crooked stem pipe.

 

Seth Corse banks on R. J. R.

 

Mrs. Crane taking in cream and putting out gasoline and I don't see how she does it.

 

Since Clarence Prunty has taken the schoolhouse janitor job, he is as busy as the one armed paper hanger, or the dog with a dose of fleas.

 

Two little boys wanted a small wagon very much. Did they ask daddy to buy it? Not much for they knew very well that Daddy worked hard and had little money. They went out in the cotton field and picked cotton and earned the money and now they are the proud possessors of a "Heavy Duty" wagon all painted a bright red. Are they proud? I'll say they are.

 

One of the correspondents of the Tribune begins with "I hope Mr. Clapp has not copyrighted his "Thoughts." I assure the correspondent that "Thoughts" enjoy no copyright, patent, right or any other kind of right. Every one in this world is allowed to have thoughts. "Thoughts" is not in the boiler plate class for it is not used in the weekly except to fill in along with other patent plate. This is much to the disgust of several local readers. One of them told me they intended to stop their paper if "Thoughts" no longer appeared. I shall endeavor to arrange with the syndicate that handles my string to have it appear in the weekly, so rest easy dear subscriber and maybe Mirth will take pity on my poor scribbling and see that you weekly readers have an opportunity to browse on real good literature.

 

Imagine that the boy who smokes perfumed cigs also wears trimming on his Bee-Vee-Dees. He is in town, girls, better watch out for him.

 

The Woman's Club have made a contract with North Cable to care for and improve the library lot for one year. Mr. Cable is now laying out several flower beds and borders and those who know his love for flowers and beautiful grounds are assured of at least one beauty spot in Collegeport.

 

Burton D. Hurd is making a first class scientific garden. It will be fenced with wire, posts painted white and beds laid out on both sides of a central walk. Other portions of the property will be used for rose borders, an orchard and a berry plot.

 

Mr. Brennan, who had the contract for moving the Simpsonville school house, has finished his work and it is a splendid job of moving. The house as it stands today will accommodate two rooms of pupils and is a better building than when in its original position.

 

Robert Murry rolling his own and cutting up meat with a fifteen year old knife worn down to a quarter of an inch.

 

Busy day at the Farmer's Storage Saturday night. Took four clerks until midnight to hand out supplies.

 

Reverend Van Dyke telling em how to live over in Garwood this Sunday. Next Sunday our folks will have instruction.

 

Things are looking up for the improvement of "Van Wormer Field" with a cash contribution of fifty simoleons. First thing is to get ground surveyed, stakes place, then grading. After that laying out a track, base ball diamond, tennis court, basket ball ground, and after every thing is ship shape, if funds are provided by local people, a nice fence all white with an entrance gate would sure look splendiferous. But not before the necessities. Only my idea, or ideal, if you know what I mean. Anyway, I sure want to see a sign, well painted, bearing the words "Van Wormer Field."

 

The members of the Legislature talk very glibly of cutting down salaries but no one as yet has heard that the cutting will include their precious ten frog skins per day with juicy perquisites. The House wants cotton acreage reduced to one third, while the Senate stands out for one fourth. Eight and one third percent difference, and yet they stand there taking their ten per day, and quibble about this small difference. Wonder when folks will wake up and send business men to Austin.

 

When she was Hattie Haisley, she went to church each Sunday and was known as truthful Hattie, but now she is Hattie Kundinger, she sure tells some whoppers. She told me one the other day as we were taking an auto ride. It was only about a difference of twelve. I could not believe it, and do not now. Twelve is not much, but if added to one, makes more than a dozen. I wish she would reform.

 

The Daily Tribune, Tuesday, September 22, 1931

 


THOUGHTS WHILE VISITING WITH JED PRUTZ

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

I was picking cotton the other day. The sun was hot on my weak back. My shirt was wet as though dipped in the bay. Transpiration ran down my brow and clouded my glasses so I could hardly see the rows. My back ached, so I thought it a day, started to the house. Arrived there and found the miserable wretch pretty well peeved, because a pot of beans had boiled over. No peace or rest there, so I thought of my old friend Jed Prutz and knew that with him I would find not only peace, but tranquility, harmony, silence, calmness.

 

Jed was not at home but his "old woman" said he went off early to get some crabs and I might find him on the slough near the Holsworth place. After quite a search I found the old rascal under the shade of a huisache, prone on the ground, his head resting on a grass tussock, and from all appearances dead to the world and its depression. When I shouted, "hello Jed," he opened his eyes and slowly sat up, ejected about a quart of tobacco juice into the limpid waters of the slough, filled his cob pipe with R. J. R., which I have no doubt he borrowed from Seth Corse. Jed does not believe in spending money for smokes so long as he can borrow. When the pipe was going strong, sending out wreaths of filmy smoke, he looked at me and welcomed me with a "well, boy, what's on yer mind?"

 

I knew at once that he felt rather peevish so I asked "what is the matter Jed?" He spat about three times and then gave me the reason.

 

"It's my old woman. She is absopolutely ruinated and danged ef I kin hev a minuts peace, when she hev one of them rarin' spells. I lit out danged early and I done goin' to stay out ontil things git settled."

 

Jed is a lovable old boy in spite of his idiosyncrasy. Give him a full stomach, a cozy shelter, a warm bed, a woman to wait on him a fish pole, gun, dog, a cob pipe, and plenty of chawin' and smokin' terbacer and work may go hang. Noting that he was set for brilliant philosophical conversation, I started in by asking "what do you think about his cotton situation Jed?"

 

Quick as a flash he came back with this discourse, which is quite lengthy for Jed. "Theys lots of damphool doin's gin' roun' tuh help the farmers and the helluvit is thet them there fellers who do the talkin' don't know nuthin' about cotton. Most uv em never picked a boll in theys life. I say, let em raise all the cotton they kin and every body knows they won't have nuthin' to do next year cept to draw theys breath. Wile we're cutting out the third row why not cut out a third out us birth, life and deth, out of heven, hell and paradise? Cut out breakfust, dinner or supper. Theys some things them legislaters might do. Keep folks frum  buying cars lessen they pas cash fur em. Stop folks frum payin' debts would be popalar and a dammed good thing fur me.

 

Pass a law makin' folks eat at home and not let em hev eny thing they don't raise themselves. Another idea cums to me is to compell them legislators to each eat two pouns butter, seven cabbages, six lettuce, ten pouns ____, two watermelons, seven mushmelons and eighteen eggs every day. This would help out on the demand side of old man 'supply and demand.'

 

Next thing is to send the legislators home fur keeps and don't let eny budy go to Washington at thet there congress meetin'. After all this is fixed and dun cut ont one third of them damned taxes. Say boy, but thet would be a great thing fur us fellers. Ez it is they want tuh cut out every third row uv cotton and they has already cut 'hope' out uv 'faith and charity.' We heve too meny goober-toed gentry and most enuf of them gigaloes fur eny peepul. This tax bizness is runnin' strong. Do you know that the average men can't git in eny bizness onlessen he gits a license and then with out eny chance to git into the penitentiary. Too damn much pussy-footin' and meanderin' aroun' fence straddlin,' ear splittin', faut findin', bad booze, pore home brew. We hev too meny tom tits and no bodies. Gosh all fish hooks I'd luv duck manure."

 

Jed spat in disgust, rested his head on a clump of grass and blowing smoke in the air gave signs a plenty that he had unloaded. He had enough crabs in his gunny sack for a gumbo, his bag was full of R. J. R., and a plug of mule in his pocket so why worry.

 

All was peaceful on the banks of Pilkington Slough so I stole away and left the old fellow to his snoozing.

 

Looking east from Homecroft at times I can see a column of smoke ascending straight up until it is lost in the blue of the sky. This on still days. At other times a plume will drift to the north for miles until it pencils out into nothing. This smoke comes from the stack of the Gulf Sulphur company twelve miles distant, but as I look at it I recognize that it is the symbol of a great industry, which is directed by a group of men who while interested in financial success, have not forgotten others.

 

Thanks to the generous Collegeport Fig Orchard's company, our school is the possessor of ten acres of ground on which we are building a first class field for athletic events. Like the fool who broke in where angels fear to tread, I offered to attempt to secure some funds outside of the community for improvement purposes. I looked at the blue smoke plume one day and the next day a letter went to an official of the Gulf Sulphur company. In a few days arrived this reply:

 
 

Texas Gulf Sulphur Company

Houston, Texas
 

Sept. 14, 1931

Mr. Harry A. Clapp,

Collegeport, Texas

 

Dear Harry:

 

Answering your letter of the fifth instant, it gives me a great deal of pleasure in behalf of our company and its officers to enclose herewith voucher in the sum of $50 as a contribution towards equipping the athletic field for your Consolidated Rural High School.

 

Of course as you know, our company is always eager to co-operate with public enterprise of this character and your personal interest in this particular instance adds to our pleasure.
With warmest personal regards and best wishes.
 

Yours sincerely,

 

Roy Miller

Director Public Relations.

 

Certainly a generous response but only to be expected from a group of business men who for many years have proven their generosity on many occasions. There are perhaps in this company Jews, Roman Catholics, Methodists, Presbyterians, Baptists and at least one Episcopalian, but they have proven themselves to be Christian men who believe in the brotherhood of man. The board of trustees and the patrons of our school join in thanks to Roy Miller and the other officials whom he represents.

 

Thursday night a big auto purred into our yard and much to our surprise and delight it contained the Holman family Judge and Mrs. W. S. Holman with Andy at the wheel. What a happy surprise and how we enjoyed the visit of our dear friends of so many years. When I first knew Andy, he was what Shakespeare calls a "pewling infant," but now he is a great big strapping young man. We, meaning I and the miserable wretch, are filled with joy to learn that this fine family are back in the home port.

 

The same night the League met at Homecroft. The members voted to renew the offer of ten dollars as a student prize for high grades this school year. This gives the daughter of the noodle maker another opportunity. I suppose the biggest kids will begin to dig and Buster Hunt will smile a few smiles and feel sure that he will be in on the money. I hope some of the other pupils get busy. After business came refreshments and so about fifteen gathered around the board, drank excellent coffee made by past mistress Dena H., ate cakes and cookies and enjoyed a conversational feast. At last lights out and so to bed.

 

Mr. E. N. Gustafson, our county engineer, sent one of the engineers and two others down here Friday and ran out the lines of the League block and those of "Van Wormer Field," and placed stakes at all corners. Inside of twenty-four hours, some unknown caitiff, knave, rascal, scamp, miscreant, pulled some of the base stakes up and threw them away.

 

Friday night, the guests of the Liggett family, we drove to Bay City to attend the graduation exercises of those who carried through the series of health lectures given during the summer by Mrs. Patricia Martyn, county health nurse. An interesting program was rendered and diplomas presented by Judge McNabb. About one hundred and fifty out of town folks were presented showing their great interest in this work.

 

Almost twenty of the Bay City people were present which was a source of gratification, delight, satisfaction. The rest of the town's burghers staid at home, went to the ball game, a dance or collected in front of Doolies to listen to the discordant notes of a squawking radio. God rest you merry folk. For a more complete report of this meeting, read the special Associated Press reports in the Daily Tribune.

 

Reverend Van Dyke is here this Sunday for his regular services and preached in the morning and evening. Next week he will serve Garwood.

 

I am a smoker, but I can't exactly accord, concede or agree, to a proposition that encourages boys under twenty to smoke, or provided parents are willing, to allow smoking on or about the school grounds.

 

In the growing stage of a child's life, the use of tobacco slows them up mentally and physically. No one ever became a successful athlete by the use of tobacco. Smoking is not smart and it is no indication of manhood. I advise our boys to pass up the cigs at least until they are twenty and as for the girls, O, shame on any of you that kiss the lips of "My Lady Nicotine."

 

The Daily Tribune, Tuesday, September 29, 1931

 


THOUGHTS ABOUT STATISTICS

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

[Local information taken from longer article.]

 

The other day one of our female religious fanatics burned a copy of Mary Baker Eddy's "Science and Health," giving the reason that it was unfit for any person to read. This was a common custom in ages gone by but appears out of date in the year 1931. The burning of one copy of this book will not hesitate its sale nor will it prevent people from reading such unfit literature. Bibles have been burned, but the book is still the best seller.

 

Not every school has a bell on the roof and another in the room. They both ring out clear and sweet.

 

Friday night, October 9 in the community house, the school faculty and pupils of our school will give a box supper for the benefit of "Van Wormer Field." I am informed and asked to state that no matter whether the funds realized be large or small, a public statement will be printed showing the amount received and for what purpose expended. Superintendent White considers that when the public give money for such a worthy and public object, it is entitled to know how it is expended. This is right and proper.

 

Frank O. Montague, county agent, here Wednesday interviewing some of our chicken fanciers and pecan growers.

 

County health nurse, Mrs. Patricia Martyn, here Tuesday and Vern Batchelder thinks he should have a tonsil operation.

 

I read in the Tribune that out of every 100 homes in the United States, 70 are using electricity for lighting and for the operation of electrical appliances. Collegeport is among the thirty and I wonder for how long, with power lines to the east, west and north.

 

The other day we had a delightful call from Professor Dresser of Bay City, bandmaster, and Moise Livengood. The former was here to see if he could secure musical material for the Bay City orchestra and the band and the latter came down, I am egotist enough to think, because he wanted to se me. He is not so much interested in the band as he is in the box, so he has become famous as the writer of the Band Box. In my opinion, it would be a splendid thing if some of you young folks become interested in band and orchestra musical instruments.

 

"This is the way," laughed the great god Pan,

(Laughed while he sate by the river!)

"The only way since gods began

To make sweet music they could succeed."

Then dropping his mouth to a hole in the reed,

He blew in power by the river."

 

If the parents of our children are interested, let me know or write Professor Dresser and he will come back and give them an interview with complete information.

 

Well, anyway, "music hath power to soothe the savage beast," and God knows we have plenty of beasts that need soothing.

 

Thirty-five Presbyterian women drove down from Houston Wednesday and met with fifteen (count em) local women for a day of getting acquainted and planning some work for the church. They brought their feed bags well filled and throwing it in with the local contribution had a splendid feast followed by an interesting program. A feature of the program was the singing of the junior choir taught and directed by Mrs. Agnes Elizabeth Liggett. One of the visitors was so delighted that she expressed a desire that the choir might go to Houston and sing in every church in that city. Four men were present and they were brave souls. I was not invited, but my old time friend, Mrs. Robert Murry, did not forget me and sent over several very fine and tender barbecues steaks which I enjoyed to the limit.

 

The Woman's Union met Thursday with Mrs. Burton D. Hurd as hostess. A religious and musical program was rendered which was enjoyed by all present. Consummate coffee and transcendent doughnuts were served as refreshments.

 

Friday night a reception was given by the community in honor of the faculty of our school. Delectable and rapturous (not too rapturous) punch was served, which had been well spiked with great big red cherries, the gift of Melvin Spoor. The program was arranged and directed by Mrs. Burton D. Hurd which insured interest and excellence. The center of the earth was present as was the Wonderful Nestor and the beautiful laughing Bell. Then came my old standby, Dohtry, and Messrs, White and Balusek, neither one of them being made up but appearing in proper raiment.

 

Friday afternoon, Mesdames Liggett, Holsworth and Clapp motored to Bay City to attend a reception at the Baytex hotel, given by Mesdames Carleton, Porter, Burke and Miss Kieffer in honor of Mrs. A. D. Magruder. Mrs. Magruder is the charming bride of A. D. who is the distribution engineer for the Central Power and Light company. This being understood, we may proceed. The affair being a reception tea and for ladies only, I was not invited but a sweet little bluebird chirped in my ear that the local women enjoyed an hour of entrancement and charm. The parlors of the hotel were filled with the beauty and grace of Matagorda county and the gathering may well be called an affair recherché. The aforesaid bluebird informed me that she was especially delighted with the sweet, lovely and graceful young girls who were in attendance and who by their winning ways added to the pleasure of the event. As the bluebird left, one of the hostesses sent a message of love to me. Well, it may not be known, but she has loved me many years and I have loved her and God willing we shall continue our loving love.

 

Twenty-four hours have elapsed and if the miserable wretch has talked of anything else I have not heard it. A busy and happy week for us Homecrofters.

 

Before I close this string, will announce that we also received a supply of Waverly cigarettes made by Lambert and Butler, England, for the personal use of the crew of the Canadian Pacific Steamships, Ltd., and a box of John Cotton's smoking tobacco, made in Edinburgh, Scotland. This we secured through the activities of our personal tobacco importer. If any of you birds visit me next week, I will provide the pipe and filling. Come on down, the fishing is good.

 

The Daily Tribune, Tuesday, October 6, 1931

 


THOUGHTS ABOUT THE VIADUCT

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

I am not thinking about a viaduct but about "The Viaduct." The one, that is to be constructed from the foot of Central street, Collegeport to Palacios. A viaduct, says my friend Noah, is "a structure of considerable magnitude, usually with arches of supporting trestles for carrying a road high above the ground or water: a bridge." That is all there is to a viaduct. Just a contraption, with a road bed, or walk, so we, meaning I and the miserable wretch, may walk to St. John's Chapel to attend the service of our church. Of course, those who are all paid up on their automobiles, may also use it and very likely those who still owe on their machines may also use it, but we are mostly interested in having some arrangement so we may use or "Shanks Incorporated Four Cylinder." That is the prime reason for "Thoughts About the Viaduct."

 

In the Beacon is an article by Dr. T. F. Driskill boosting the new hotel and he writes that accompanied by Doc Harkey, they left Bay City at 7:30 p.m. and were amazed by the number of autoes going the wrong way, that is away from Palacios and towards Bay City. He writes that it appeared that every one from Palacios, Blessing, Collegeport, Citrus Grove and Markham were on their way to the capital city. And they were, for the very reason that is the easy way, the road of least resistance.

 

When one travels as far as El Maton, one is close to Bay City for every turn of the wheels is towards that point, but one is also far from "The City by the Sea." Outside of the courthouse, Bay City has nothing that Palacios does not offer, so the only reason that when we "go to town" we go to the capital is because it is easy. A viaduct across the bay will connect Collegeport to Palacios. It will turn the tide towards, instead of from. Who of us would journey 28 miles to Bay City when a five minutes drive would land us at just as good or better markets. Without the viaduct, we drive thirty miles if we wish to consume some of those delicious seats provided by my friend Doc Harkey, or have our teeth yanked out by the incomparable Doc Driskell. The only wonder to me it that Palacios people do not awaken to the trade possibilities which are within their grasp. Only 4200 feet of bridge to build and the "Magic Bottle Empire" is theirs. Why is it not possible for these two people to get together and plan out a campaign that will bring all this about and at the same time shorten the distance from Palacios to the county seat? Just indolence and satisfaction of well enough is enough. Palacios will rouse from her slumbers one day and find that she has shrunk. Well, anyway, we very much desire to stroll over to St. John's Chapel and that appears to be a very good reason for building the viaduct.

 

I had planned to go to Palacios and witness the football game between Rosenberg and Palacios, but when I read in the Beacon that the game would be called at 3:30 Friday a.m., I just bucked, for at that hour I am all snuggled down in the hay and no football would induce me to give up the pleasures of that hour. For the benefit of some of our folk who do not seem to understand the situation, I will state that the tract of land known as "Van Wormer Field," consists of blocks 142-143-128 and the block designated "school" which latter never has borne a number. It is one solid block 660 feet square and contains ten acres of land. It was given as a free gift with title conveyed by a warranty deed from the Collegeport Fig Orchards Company, a corporation existing under and by virtue of the laws of the State of Texas. The deed is the usual warranty deed as to language except that oil and mineral rights are reserved, and in event that the school district at any time ceases to use the land for school purposes, or abandons it, the title reverts to the grantor.

 

There are no strings to this gift for such as it is. A free will offering from men who are interested in our consolidated rural high school. If those who are crabbing will cough up a few dollars to aid in the improvement of the field, we will soon have an athletic field of which we may all be proud. Bastante es bastante.

 

In a half mile stroll the other day, I saw three snakes. One was about fifteen inches long, very slender and a brilliant green, all solid color. Another was perhaps two feet long, slender with long tapering tail and with stripes alternate of bright black and beautiful yellow. The stripes ran from head to tail. He was not a very friendly fellow, for he ran his forked tongue at me, extending it perhaps two inches. The last one was an old friend, a bull snake. I judge to be five feet long and about two inches through his body. As I did not consider any of them venomous, I allowed them to go about their business, after I was through with my examination. Nature preparing for winter has covered the pastures with a beautiful shade of greenish yellow. Big yellow daisies and smaller yellow blooms, supply the yellow shade, while the other growth furnish the green. The combination if wonderful to look at and comforting to the eye. Isn't life wonderful?

 

Monday we were surprised and delighted with a visit from our old time friend, the irresistible, irrefragable, ubiquitous John Reynolds. To his everlasting shame, it was his first call in twenty years of friendship. When talking of his insurance company, he is quite uberous. I have never had the pleasure of meeting Mrs. Reynolds, but taking John's word for it, she is a dignified lady and it might be well for her to shed some of her dignity to John's shoulders. We hope he comes again and brings his better half for then our pleasure would be doubled.

 

Last week we had on successive days, two callers who come from social antipodes. But for all that, they both revealed romantic thoughts and tender hearts. Said one, "I think this country is beautiful. I drove through in the early morn and as I saw the dew drops glisten like myriad diamonds, in the sun's rays, I thought how wonderful and I knew that God was in it all." And the other visitor told me that "I have been married to the old woman for thirty-nine years. During this time we have walked together, worked side by side, raised and educated six children and are now blessed with ten grandchildren." As he said this, he looked out the window and I saw a tear glisten in his eye, as he murmured "these thirty-nine years seem like two weeks and the time if getting short." This man speaks seven languages and yet some would call him uneducated. His "old woman" reads, writes and speaks four languages. The next day I said to the miserable wretch "after all, men are much alike, for way down in their souls, flickers something which at times bursts into flaming words revealing the soul."

 

Thursday came the fascinating county health nurse, Patricia Martyn, just for an hour of rest. As I talked with her and looked at her, I no longer wondered why some of the men were so willing to sacrifice their tonsils.

 

The same day the Woman's Club met with Mrs. Emmitt Chiles. No program was rendered because the programmer forgot to keep the date but an enjoyable time was had for Mrs. Chiles is an admirable hostess.

 

It is with sympathy and regret that I write that Mrs. Burton D. Hurd has been confined to the house the past week with a peculiar neuralgic pain in the face is so painful as might be described as "tirer a boulet rouge." Pardon me, but at times my English fails and I am obliged to use my French. Anyway, she has suffered greatly, but is on the gain this day of our Lord the 19th Sunday after Trinity.

 

The members of the Woman's club and especially the committee in charge of the library are delighted, gratified, delectated, with the arrival of twenty-one new books, the gift of Mr. T. J. Rogers of Barnesville, Ohio. In former years, Mr. Rogers was a frequent visitor and will be remembered with pleasure by many of the old timers. We all join in thanking you Mr. Rogers and hope you will come and see our library.

 

Friday night, two hundred people, more or less, perhaps five less, were at the community house, for the purpose of enjoying a box supper and general auction for the benefit of the Consolidated Rural High School. Several features were of considerable interest, the most important being, Colonel Tom Fulcher, who with his stentorophonic voice acted as auctioneer. That he was successful is proven by the fact that when the next morning was about to dawn and the curtain was dropped, the school was richer by more than one hundred and twenty frog skins.

 

The merchants of Bay City were very generous, magnanimous and bountiful for they contributed goods to the value of one hundred dollars, which were sold by the diligent and persistent Colonel. The goods ranged from meals to gasoline, from hotel rooms to chewing gum, from hot dogs to bank counter, from beauty treatments to foot correction, from washed hair to shaves and haircuts, from shoes shined to boils lanced. O, well, why try and name all the things we generously given, but the fact is that Bay City is interested in this burg and that is one of the reasons we "go to town." Among the gifts I find five dollars worth of printing and a year's subscription to the Daily Tribune, the bequest of Carey Smith. A turkey that weighed forty-five pounds or less, the endowment of Frank King brought the sum of twelve and a half dollars and became the property of Manford Foster at a cost of nineteen pennies. Some fellows appear to have all the luck.

 

Ethel Nelson, with her rhythm band, delighted the audience with a program of five numbers. Miss Nelson was never in better form and directed her musicians in an unembarrassed manner. I suggest that the band's repertoire might be improved by adding a few new numbers and I trust that Miss Nelson will read this and comply. Coffee, sandwiches and doughnuts were for sale and many boxes filled with delicious eatables, were sold by auction. All the local merchants made generous contributions and when the clock in the steeple struck one, of Saturday morning, the audience drifted homewards, happy that the school's finances had acquired what might be called a plethora complex.

 

Superintendent White is entitled to credit for the business like way with which he managed the affair. Mrs. Pollard, county superintendent of the schools, was present and enjoyed the gathering to the limit. Say boy, did you notice our many sweet and pretty girls? Frances, Elizabeth, Rosalie, Roberta, Mildred and many others, and our own beautiful matron Barbara all ablaze in red, and then look over "little bright eyes" for she sure was an eye full of easy seeing, just one more red bird. I challenge any town in the county or state to produce a sweeter bouquet of American Beauties.

 

Our folk are back of this Consolidated Rural High School and intend that it shall occupy an important place in the educational service of Matagorda County.

 

"In my school days, when I had lost one shaft,

I shot the fellow of the self-same flight

The self-same way, with more advised to watch,

To find the other forth; and by adventuring both

I oft found both."

--Shakespeare.

 

The Daily Tribune, Wednesday, October 14, 1931

 


HIGH SCHOOL NEWS FROM COLLEGEPORT

 

On the evening of Oct. 24, there will be an auction sale at the Community House for the purpose of raising funds to finance our athletics.

 

There has been a consolidation affected this year here that promises to be a valuable asset to the pupils of the south end of Matagorda County, in that we have put on a four-year high school and are trying to classify as such and at the same time are asking the state department for accrediting. All of which we expect to bring about before the school year is gone.

 

We realize that this will require the maximum efforts on the part of every one concerned--not only the teachers and pupils, but the school community as a whole. Every one pulling together with this end as a goal is one of the first prerequisites that should be considered. Then there are many other things that will enter in; school spirit for an example, which can be brought about in various ways. Athletics are an absolute necessity in creating an interest among the students of the high school especially.

 

We have solicited trade tickets at all of the business houses on Bay City, Palacios, Blessing, Markham and in Collegeport and 95 per cent of all in each town have responded by giving tickets ranging in value from $1 to $8. All told we have something like $400 worth of goods. Anything that can be bought in Matagorda County will be offered for sale on the above night at public auction. This is not a scheme where we expect to ask those patronizing for donations--we are going to offer the public goods at almost their own price. We feel that is we can get 75 per cent on the dollar for these goods that we will have accomplished our object in that we will have with what we have already raised something like $350 which will take care of our athletics for the year.

 

Every one should avail themselves of this opportunity to buy the things needed realizing that they will be able to buy them here on the above night far below their market value in many instances.--T. P. White, superintendent Bay View High School.

 

The Daily Tribune, Tuesday, October 20, 1931

 


THOUGHTS ABOUT MORNING DAWNS

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

The clock strikes four. It is the hour when the pulse of man beats slow and low. The hour when God calls many of his children to eternal rest. Tick tick said the clock, ticking away the minutes before the dawn. The quiet hour was broken by the bark of a dog, the gentle purr and sob of the surf that broke along the beach. A night bird's cry. A few clouds almost black, floated in the sky like islands in a sea of molten lead. The stars gleamed in the sky and their reflected light danced and shimmered on the little wavelets of the bay. Across the bay, the white houses of Palacios stood out like silhouettes against the darkened sky. As I looked, the thought came to me that there was a God for He is here now. I felt the same feeling once as I stood on Pike's Peak, in the early morning and saw a vast empire stretched in a sleep at my feet. A faint flow in the east, announced the coming of the day. A white gull balanced in the air drifting lazily in the sunlight which had not as yet reached the earth. Snow white clouds drifted through the sky throwing dark shadows on the waters. I began to hear voices clearly. The world was rousing from its slumbers. The light in the eastern sky brightened. The stars dimmed, faded, went to their well earned rest. The night had been long and like an iron bar had shut out the day. The light in the east, increased and appeared like a herald of a brighter day on the way. It turned to rose, streaks of pinks and scarlet, shot to the zenith. The seven primary colors were put to blush, in the gorgeous display of morning tints. The coming of the flashing flame, was hidden in diaphanous skirts of varied hue. Blue, quickly gave way to green. Orchid streaks through the clouds, that held like a low bank in the east, a rampart that seemed to try to shut out the coming of the King of Day. Gold gleamed through the veil. More bright the east became. The waters of the bay, turned dark against the coming of the sun. Colors, tints of opalescent hue, penciled into the air, lanced the clouds. Scarlet, coral, gold, silver, painted the sky in beautiful array.

 

"Then sudden, as if a sword fell from on high a brand of gold flashed on the horizon's rim."

 

A ball of liquid fire like a flaming lance, rose from its bed throwing colors high in the sky. The giver of life arrived. The earth was bathed in sunlight. Sunshine on the houses, on the pastures, on the rippling waters of the bay. Sunlight on the dancing diamonds of dew that covered every blade of grass. Flowers unfolded their petals as if arousing from sleep and turned their radiant and blushing heads to the light. Birds sang their morning song, children laughed, dogs barked, people talked, for another day was here. The sun was like a giant torch held in the hand of God telling the world that He had watched during the night and was with them for another day.

 

Maybe you folks think writing a column like this is easy and just a lot of fun, but listen to this. No sooner do I get the old brain to working and I mean the half that is not diseased, than I hear "Harry put some oil in the stove tank." Action of filling the tank and back to my faithful old Corona and said brain working on some beautiful thought. "Harry, the cow is loose." Another action, making an attempt to chase the runaway cow. Brain, including the diseased half, all fuddled up like a mess of scrambled eggs. Rest few moments and brain begins to become fairly normal and oozes brilliant "Thoughts." Strike three keys and misspelled a word, sounds that appear to be cusses and then "Harry what is Buckshot barking at?" O, hell, no wonder some of our local burghers think my column is a mess of slime. Soon as the other half of my brain becomes affected, I'll have to give up any attempt to write literary effulgence.

 

Well, anyway, Collegeport is advancing in giant strides. We are gradually putting on all the frills of a cosmopolitan city for last week we had an orgy (fine word orgy and am glad I have a chance to use it) of crime. Mrs. Crane's filling station robbed twice, two holdups with guns, a car stolen, some cheap stealing and all in one day or two. One man enroute to Bay City held up at the railway station and another in front of the Heisey place, but John Heisey is not suspected, for it was two men, one with a gun. Net result about thirty dollars which was not bad business. Holding up a man is legitimate business under our present social system, but robbing a filling station or stealing a car is another thing and perpetrators should be apprehended and punished. Giving it serious thought, it also must be a good thing for we must have gas and cars. We have a wonderful parasitic army in America and it is only right that Collegeport should have its share.

 

I used to think I was a quite successful beggar for I have acquired several thousand dollars by using the art of begging but I now take off my hat to Superintendent of Schools Mr. T. P. White. A beggar is defined as "one who asks or entreats earnestly or with humility; a petitioner."

 

Mr. White has entreated so earnestly and with such humility as to have secured from the merchants of Bay City, Palacios and Collegeport, goods to the value of almost two hundred dollars which will be sold for the benefit of our consolidated school. Mr. White, I welcome you to the grand organization of amalgamated beggars and toast you as chief.

 

Over near the Farmers Storage, a medicine show is holding forth and selling a compound made in nature's own laboratory, compounded from leaves, barks, gums, roots and berries. It was warranted to cure warts, bunions, in-grown nails, regulate the kidneys, stomach, liver and bowels, healing, strengthening, loosening and binding. A popular gal contest is a feature and I notice the names of about a dozen fair ones who are courting fame.

 

"Her house is all of Echo made

Where never died the sound;

And as her brows the clouds invade

Her feet to strike the ground."

--Ben Johnson.

 

Two professors of the Chicago University are getting out a revised edition of the Bible and this is the new Lord's Prayer.

 

"Our Father in heaven,

Your name is revered.

Your kingdom come!

Your will be done on earth as it is done in Heaven!

Give us today bread for the day,

And forgive us our debts as we have forgiven our debtors

And do not subject us to temptation

But deliver us from the evil one."

 

Called on the Central Power & Light Company in an attempt to interest them to give our town service. While there I met a bevy of pretty girls all employed by the C. P. & L. Co. I wish Vance Porter would appoint me director in charge of selecting girls for I sure would enjoy associating with them day after day.

 

On my return I was a guest of the King's Daughters at the Liggett home. The table as usual was loaded with delicacies of all kinds including Mrs. Rena Wright's tender, delicate, sympathetic, fried chicken, Mrs. Liggett's stuffed peppers and wonder baked apples and then dumplings drowned in gravy in which I found a big hunk of chicken liver which as has been my custom for many years, I turned over to the miserable wretch. Liver appears to make it easy to handle her. A fellow just has to cater to wimmen at times in order to get along with them. Pies of many kinds, coffee, iced tea and et cetera. The only thing that saddened me, was the absence of a tank of those Famous Carrie Nelson Noodles. Had I an opportunity to absorb, suck, imbibe or devour a load of them there noodles, the day would have been complete.

 

The date for the big school auction has been changed from Friday night the 23rd to Saturday night the 24th and all those who have a zest or I might say piquancy for bargains, should be present, for there will be many an opportunity to buy a dollar's worth of goods for less than half its value. Every cent goes to the school fund.

 

The industrious, diligent, sedulous, Colonel Fulcher will be on hand to cry and perhaps, sob the sale. Depression! What tears are shed in they name. How it develops our lachrymose qualities. And yet, in spite of our howls and yowls about hard times, a medicine show comes here for a week and takes from the people of this town from seven to eight hundred dollars and gives in return useless medicine, cheap articles of various kinds, and provides an entertainment that is not only crude, but cheapens those who participate. If an opportunity could be secured for the appearance of a nationally known lecturer, it would be difficult to sell twenty-five dollars worth of tickets. The diamond ring with a stone about the size of a pin head, went to a young lady who secured 26,000 votes which means some one spent about $250 for useless articles.

 

No blame attached to the management of the show for it is their business to offer for sale their medicines. The people are to blame for falling for the game. I am informed that our school proposes to mix up with this show sometimes in the near future. I doubt if our school needs money bad enough to secure it in such a way. Our school should be kept on a higher plane.

 

The parents of "Sweet Marie," Mr. and Mrs. Nestor, spent a few days here with their daughter and returned Sunday to their home via Galveston and Houston. If Louise is anything like Marie, we hope she will come also.

 

Do not forget the school auction Saturday night the 24th and let's all be present and meet Colonel Fulcher "Face to Face." First class goods of real value from our progressive merchants and to be had at the price you name. And remember that every penny remains in this community and will be used for our school.

 

The Daily Tribune, Tuesday, October 20, 1931

 


THOUGHTS ABOUT EVENING SONG

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

[Local information taken from longer article]

 

Three hundred people attended the medicine show Saturday night and handed over to the Doctor about one hundred and fifty dollars. The next morning thirty people attended Sunday school and contributed one dollar and thirty-two cents. At the show, those present put up fifty cents each and at Sunday School four cents and three mills each. Why? Well just simply because the church is not giving people the thing they crave. That is the reason church pews are vacant and the S. R. O. sign hangs out in many theatres. Many of our churches are in charge of men of mediocre ability, who think much oftener of their salary than of bringing the word to their people. When they preach they deliver the same old line of bunk which the people have learned to know is plenty saponaceous. The local Sunday School needs a large dose of pepper sauce, before it can hope to attract people, who sometimes think. If the proper dose could be arranged, full of the sauce that satisfies hunger, the church house might be filled each Sunday. The people will not attend a service where they are compelled to listen to a lot of blah-blah that causes them to become somnolent, somniferous, soporific, or in plain words, sleepy. Less time spent on Abraham, Jacob, Isaac, Solomon, and other old do-dos and more time on the well fare of the people of the community. Few of those old Bible characters are examples for our present day youth. Let the church cease being narrow minded, partial, bigoted, and become catholic instead of sectarian and then it will be able to feed the soul of man the food he craves and desires. Until then the show will not only profit financially, but gain the souls. The medicine man is a salesman. He understands psychology and uses it. I admire him. Church officers are not salesmen and understand little about psychology and therefore their goods become shop worn and unsalable. The church must study the art of selling what they offer, else they will cease to exist.

 

Up to date, I have received for the improvement of "Van Wormer Field" fifty dollars from the Texas Gulf Sulphur Company, five dollars from George Duckworth, five dollars from Carey Smith (used for printing), and five dollars from Dr. A. J. Alexander, Peoria, Ill. This money in charge of Hugo Kundinger, treasurer of the Collegeport Industrial League a total of sixty dollars on hand.

 

In the library is a new book the gift of Mr. Rogers of Barnesville, Ohio. Written by Ernest Thompson Seton, the reader is assured of a delightful tale. Beautifully written about a romantic love story it discusses the philosophy of life and the psychology of the soul. I advise lovers of fine fiction to read it especially from page 333. Ask for The Preacher of Cedar Mountain.

 

Years ago we used to tell it with a five pound box if candy, then came the age when we told it with flowers. In this day the thing to do is to tell it with an electric clock. The clock never forgets, but tells it every fifteen minutes in sweet chimes. What difference the medium so long as the old sweet story is told.

 

A very important event happened fourteen years ago Thursday for that day marked the advent into this world of a very sweet girl. Her name is Rosalie Nelson and if there is a finer, gentler, sweeter, more refined little girl, I know not where she may be found. So that night all her young friends gathered to do her honor. Twenty were present. They home was beautifully decorated and of course, the refreshments were refined, dainty, delicious, especially the cake which was made by Mrs. Rena Wright. This insured, guaranteed, underwrote, the quality for Mrs. Wright's cake enjoys an international reputation.

 

"Thoughts About the Viaduct" brought a response from Dr. Driskell and I do not agree with him about the wrong way. Every time a car from this territory goes towards Bay City, it is going the wrong way, when Palacios is just a spit distance away, except for THE VIADUCT. If Palacios business men and its Chamber of Commerce posses the usual and normal amount of guts, they will wake up and take an interest in placing at the disposal of I and the miserable wretch a facility that will enable us to use our "Shanks Incorporated Four Cylinder" and attend service at St. John's Mission.

 

We went to Bay City Friday the guest of Burton D. Hurd. On the return trip, I was the guest of Frank O. Montague, our County Agent. I had the pleasure of sitting at their family board for two meals and enjoyed a delightful time with that splendid family. Their home atmosphere is what I might call ardent, fervent, loving, and the family is one of the outstanding families of Matagorda County families. This family lives where clean, wholesome thoughts grow. When, as and if Monty leaves this county we shall be the losers.

 

A truck coming south on the pike through our congested traffic in front of the Post Office struck a Ford Sedan. The truck was exceeding the lawful speed by about one hundred percent while the little car was no doubt attempting to cross the pavement where it should not. Result a wrecker came from Bay City to carry away the remains. If you folk will listen to me a moment, I predict that sooner or later a child will be killed or maimed for life by the reckless driving at this point. The law states that the speed limit is twenty miles an hour thorough an incorporated or unincorporated village. This law is violated every day by drivers who are intent on getting there just ahead of time.

 

A beautiful rice harvest is over and if the price was a satisfactory one, rice farmers would be jubilant.

 

Mr. Fischer, Mopac station agent, informs me that 185 cars have been shipped most of it to warehouses. The local warehouse is full to overflow and about 100 more cars will be handled. The average was about fifteen sacks per acre which is quite satisfying to the growers. We also have enjoyed a fine cotton crop, but as with other crops, the price is low running from four and a half to five and a half cents per pound. This is fine for the housewife whose desires new sheets, pillow cases, towels, clothing, but it is not at all encouraging to the grower. O, well, we can't expect butter and jam on both sides of our bread.

 

The school market was held Saturday night in the community house, bit as I did not attend, am unable to give news as to attendance and finances, but no doubt both were satisfactory to the management. Be patient until next week.

 

P. S. Soon as the Viaduct is built, Palacios people can drive over here at the twilight hour and witness the beautiful sunsets and on the way back stop at the Bayside Inn for a game and sea food supper for which it will be famous.

 

The Daily Tribune, Tuesday, October 27, 1931

 


THOUGHTS ABOUT B. V. H. S.

  By Harry Austin Clapp

 

Talking to Jed Prutz the other day, mentioned our school and Jed blew a few smoke rings in the air and said: "I hain't never yet saw but one bizness that didn't begin at the bottom and thets the well bizness" and said he "our school iz the same way." Jed Prutz told the exact truth, for our school did begin at the bottom, for the first attempt at holding a school, was in a small tent, about 10 by 12 feet, one teacher and two pupils.

 

The teacher must have been a brave soul and I am sorry I have no record giving her name. God bless her if she is living, and if not may the same God rest her faithful soul. In April 1909 the Collegeport Industrial League was organized and at its first regular meeting held April 30, 1909 the principal business was the organization of a school district. Those present had a vision of a first class rural high school but conditions prevented. Too much local jealousy. In order to have a basis on which to assert our right to have a school district, a scholastic census was made. Counting all children in the community those on their way from northern homes, those who expected to move in during the summer, the following were listed in the census: Russell, Vaughn, June, Laura and Florence Mott, Carey Knight, Ray Turner, Barbara Turner, Kenneth House, Leota Miller, Dwight Sholl, Carl Judin, John Pierce, Charles Elmer, Archie Larkin, Irving Hale, Floyd Maples.

 

Not one of the families represented in this list are here now, all having moved back whence they came. June 24, 1910 , the League took the initiative in arranging for a special school tax, and later for the voting of bonds for the erection of the present brick building. December 10, 1910 , the League started a movement to form what became known as Bay View Consolidated school district No. 26. In 1910 R. E. Coffin came and taught six weeks in the Gulf Coast College and finished the term in the new church. He had one assistant and eighty pupils. In 1911 he taught in the church building with two assistants and one hundred kids. Then came Booth, Laslie, Kilpatrick, Miss Margaret Holsworth, Etheridge and Laslie. They were followed by Miss Luther and then Coffin came back for two years and he followed by Thomas Hale who taught eleven grades for the first and only time and under him my daughter finished the eleven grades. Mr. Harbison spent the past two years as superintendent and I think that brings us up to date.

 

Early this year, the trustees of the Culver, Simpsonville, Citrus Grove and Collegeport schools co-operating with the county board of trustees began work towards bringing about a consolidation of those districts and the organizing of a first class consolidated rural high school. This plan is now in operation and is known as the Bay View Consolidated Rural High School District No. 26.

 

The Simpsonville building was moved in and erected just west of the brick building and this affords rooms for the two primary grades. The De Moss building has been erected east of the brick building and has been equipped as a laboratory building, affording the pupils opportunity for science and chemical study and experiments. The three buildings form a school plant pleasing to the eye and one with which the patrons may have pride. The state board of education asked for more ground for athletic field and agricultural work and the Collegeport Fig Orchards Company generously made a gift of ten acres joining the old campus which is known as Van Wormer Field. The Collegeport Industrial League gave the board permission to use such part of its block as is not occupied by the library so that the school now has outside the former campus about twelve acres of land for athletic and agricultural purposes.

 

On the old campus and the new field teeter boards, swings, bars, basketball, junior and senior baseball, tennis grounds, a quarter mile running track, discus and javelin throwing grounds, trail and sand pit, pull up bars and nearly every sport equipment that is used in school athletics is being installed. The faculty this year consists of T. P. White, B. S., permanent certificate, superintendent; Beryl Bell, B. A., permanent certificate; Dorothy Franzen, B. A., permanent certificate; Frank J. Balusek, first class elementary, permanent certificate, principal; Vera Williams, permanent certificate, elementary; Marie Nestor, permanent certificate and Louise Walter, B. A., permanent certificate.

 

Never during the past have teachers, pupils and patrons been so interested in the school work. About $300 has been raised by solicitation among merchants, patrons and non-resident land owners and this fund is being used for improvement and equipment of the play grounds. The basketball teams and baseball teams have been provided with nice uniforms with B. V. H. S. in green letters across the front and a proper number on the back of the suits. The school board feels that Van Wormer Field should be fenced before wet weather arrives as stock running at large and they do in spite of a law forbidding. Such stock will ruin the improvements made on the ground and destroy the track and play courts and the money expended on such improvements will prove a loss. In my opinion a new day is here for pupils who have the privilege of attending the newly consolidated school. We now have a four-year high school which the board and faculty are classifying as rapidly as possible and are asking the state department of education for accrediting. This will require time and labor but it is hoped that by the end of the 1932 session the problem will be solved and Bay View High School will become an affiliated school. This may be accomplished by harmony among patrons, teachers and trustees.

 

The Little Red School House had its day. A day of romance. It served well, but the world makes progress and the end is here. No longer does it have a place, but instead splendid rural institutions that comply with advanced requirements. Those misguided folk, who cling to the little local school, with one teacher have had their day and no longer will they in their ignorance be allowed to hinder educational advance. No one is able to stop progress. The world advances and willingly or unwillingly we are drawn along in the march for better advantages for our children.

I have sent letters of solicitation to about 125 non-resident land owners, former residents, and former teachers, foolish enough to think they would be interested in aiding this work, but up to date, only one former resident, Geo. Duckworth, has replied with a check. Only two non-resident land owners have replied with a check. I am forced to believe that the non-resident owners are perfectly willing that we should go ahead improving the community so that they may sit back and reap a benefit increased values. I hope they all take the Trib. and read this tale.

 

Every morning at eight o'clock three trucks roll in bringing the kiddies for school work and at three-thirty in the afternoon they are carried safely back to their homes. You may bet your last dollar that we are advancing.

 

The miserable wretch planned to elope with a prominent county official, her destination being San Antonio but the gay boy failed to keep his engagement and therefore I am the gainer for I have my fine wife another week. The week started out quite all right, for a thirty-six cylinder came into our yard and stopped in front of our drawbridge and there we found Judge and Mrs. Holman, who are always sure of a hearty welcome to Homecroft and with them Mr. Clayton Smith, wife and little daughter. Mr. Smith is in charge of the Wadsworth Ranch and although here for only a short time is delighted with the country and its opportunities for home building. Well, anyway, we spent about two hours in delight, enjoyment, and delection, with our old time friends and the new ones.

 

Carl Boeker tries to comply with social requirements so feeling the need of a week-end he drove to Collegeport the last of last week. He was accompanied by his father, brother Hubert and Uncle George. They returned to their home at Petersburg, Ill., Tuesday. Mr. Boeker, Sr., is one of the outstanding, progressive, prosperous farmers, who early in life determined that the farm should not only support his family but acquire a surplus. This it has done, for he always lived inside the farm. Any man can do the same in this country if he wishes. Whenever a farm supports the family instead of the family the farm, prosperity beams upon that farm.

 

I am glad to welcome Mr. and Mrs. George S. Welsby into the Grand Amalgamated Order of Grandparents, for I read in the birth notices of the San Antonio papers that a son was born to Mr. and Mrs. Dale Welsby. A boy is only a little man, but a girl is another thing. Anyway the Western Union prints on its delivery envelopes "When a boy is wanted ask the Western Union." Well, anyway, I congratulate the father and gentle little mother and the grandparents on both sides that another American has arrived in town.

 

Under date of October 22 a Kansas City woman reader of this great religious paper writes "I am a reader of your thoughts in Bay City Tribune and enjoy your bits of news of Collegeport occasionally. Was particularly interested in the last issue your mentioning the proposed viaduct." Thanks for this nice bouquet but why put a sting in the tribute by using the word occasionally? You should read the Tribune every time it arrives and read it from "kiver to kiver" as my mother read her Bible. Occasionally means "occurring at times but not constant or regular." Regular reading is what gets the meat out of the Trib. The oftener I consume those satisfying Carrie Nelson Famous noodles, the more I am convinced that Carrie Nelson is the premier creaturess of this community. In hope she lives as long as I do so ever and anon I may absorb some of them there noodles.

 

Our senior and junior basketball teams went to Markham Friday all dolled up in their natty uniforms and tried out some of the dope given them by Coach Balusek. The dope was not quite strong enough for the score was 19 to 16 for seniors and 6 to 3 for juniors. They took along a big bunch of rooters lead by Frances Eisel and I am telling right now that had I been on the Markham team and cast my eye on Frances with her glowing face the score would have been reversed. All right some time Markham will come here and receive its drubbing. Tobacco in any form never clicks with athletes and it slows up mental development work and has no place or use during adolescence. If the school board are wise they will forbid smoking in the school buildings or on the school grounds. This is the time to put a stop to a practice that is being encouraged. And the writer is a smoker of R. J. R.  When boys reach a maturity if they wish to smoke why I say smoke but do not retard mental and physical development during the years when nature is bending every effort to promote growth. Men make smoke but smoke never made a man. One boy in particular already has taken on the appearance of a centeles semispinosus commonly called a Streaked Tenrec.

 

The Daily Tribune, November 3, 1931, Harry Austin Clapp Scrapbbok, 3 
 


THOUGHTS ABOUT AN EGG

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

[Local information taken from longer article.]

 

A fellow filled with pride of his town, was showing a guest about and said "how do you like our town?" and the guest replied "It's the first cemetery I ever saw with lights." That did not refer in any way to Collegeport, for we have no lights thanks to the Central Power and Light Company overlooking a splendid field for expansion.

 

I have the pleasure of enrolling on the school of patriotism the names of Dr. Alexander, Peoria, Ill., E. H. Junod, Springfield, E. J. Peck and E. E. Young, Griggsville, Ill. These four have replied to my appeal for funds for the improvement of Van Wormer Field with substantial checks. Hope all you delinquents read this issue.

 

Every little while and anon the use of the term "miserable wretch" draws yowls and howls from the women readers of this column. They evidently disapprove, dissent, and deny me their approbation, praise, concurrence, commendation and endorsement. I suspect that the reader understands what I mean. Well, anyway, here is the latest from a woman reader in Illinois. "I hope you won't burn in hell fire but I think you will, for this miserable wretch stuff. Some time call her 'the light of my life' in your darned old column. My aunt joins me in this protest. I wish she would leave you and come north to live. Gee they've shot men for less than that." Guess I'll stay south for I have no desire to sit in a pot o' hell abrewing and it looks as though if I go north, it will be a blank wall at sunrise for muh.

 

One good think about these protests is that women sure stand together. I just worked "light of my life" on her and she looked at me and said "what is the matter with you? Are you sick?" What's a feller to do?

 

Over to Palacios Wednesday the guest of Burton D. Hurd, to attend a luncheon given by the Chamber of Commerce to two gentlemen from Houston, who are considering building the Palacios Hotel. Enjoyed a splendid fish dinner at the Green Lantern Inn. Heard discussions between the principals and from what I heard the outlook for a first class hotel is very bright. One of the features in the project is a "Sea Food Cafe" at the end of a pier three hundred feet long. This alone will bring hundreds of folk who enjoy food fresh from the sparkling waters of the sea. The hotel will be brick, finished inside with sheet rock. It will have sixty rooms, each with a bath, a coffee shop, lounge, heated with steam and brilliantly lighted as if will be going to furnish us College Sports with another nightly sight. Burton D. Hurd is co-operating with the Chamber of Commerce in this much needed facility and both are to be congratulated on the progress of their plans to this date. Those whom I met are very much interested in the viaduct which is to be built, so that I and the miserable wretch may walk to St. John's Mission for church service. Besides this, it means a large increase of trade for Palacios merchants and I advise them to forget our walk and think of increased trade.

Called on Doctor Driskell, but found him looking down a patient's throat, so did not disturb him. Had not seen the editor of the Beacon for seventy-five or less years, but he looks hale and hearty and good for another century or less. He appreciates this column and offered me a very handsome salary to write a string for him. I was obliged to refuse, for believe it or not, when this string is writ, complete exhaustion follows. It sure is terrible to have to work for a living, but goshalmighty, I have to feed the miserable wretch when she does not feed me.

Called on Doctor Harkey and under ordinary circumstances would have absorbed one of his delicious family dinners, but could not spend a cent for grub when I had an invitation to a free fish feed.

Not satisfied with the drubbing received from Markham, last week, this Friday Coach Balusek led his battlers to Midfield where they tangled with that school in senior and junior basketball events. The seniors came home with a fine scalp hanging from their belts with a score of 15 to 5, but the pathetic, tender, juniors did not fare so well for they were defeated by 13 to 6. I was informed that the rooters were lead by Elizabeth Eisel and Rosalie Nelson. Elizabeth tossed her beautiful gold bronze locks to the air and shouted the B.V.H.S. battlecry while Rosalie waved a big bunch of the Famous Carrie Nelson Noodles in the face of the enemy. They could not withstand the temptation and so pausing to eat noodles, lost the game. The only reason the juniors lost was because Rosalie did not take with her enough noodles.

Thanks to our precinct commissioner, Mr. George Harrison, a big grader with fourteen foot blade has been grading "Van Wormer Field" and it is now in good condition. A half mile track has been laid out and covered with beach sand and Coach Balusek will order his teams to take no track work hoping to develop breathing capacity. Mr. Williams knowing nothing about the game informed me that he enjoyed the play of the juniors much more than that of the other team. Juniors put this compliment in your pipes and hit the ball a bit harder next time.

This week Friday on "Van Wormer

[At least one line was left out in the newspaper.]

only reason the juniors last was be

girl team will meet the Midfield girls.

I look for a sanguinary affair.

 

The Daily Tribune, Monday, November 9, 1931

 


THOUGHTS JEST PICK-UPS

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

Saw a trail in the road that looked as though a tremendous snake had invaded our community and followed it for a mile. Farther I walked, the larger became the snake, until I knew it was at least thirty feet long with a six-inch body for I could read the dimensions in the trail. At last I reached the end of the trail and there I found the largest snake I have ever seen, except for one thing and that was I found a big yellow cow straying along with a long picket chain dragging behind. Was disappointed for was eager to have something sensational to write about.

 

A beef critter strayed into our yard last night and began the business of chawing grass within six feet of my virtuous couch. Grass chawing at night is not an encourager of sleep. Business of growling by the miserable wretch, which at last resulted in demands that I go out in my passionate pajamas and drive the animal away. Went out. Animal would not drive. Grass hurt feet. Returned to my couch. Business of trying to sleep. Grumbles of aforesaid M. W. less and less, until they merged into substantial snores. She, meaning the M. W., slept, while I struggled with the grass chawing. M. W. calmly purring away on the port side. At last I slept the sleep of exhaustion. Just shows what a man will do for the woman he loves.

 

Mr. and Mrs. Watson Barker picking nueces the other day down by the river, ran against three very vicious animals which for a time threatened their lives. Mrs. Barker, for safety, climbed a tree and while there busied herself picking nueces, while her husband fought the bests at the foot of the tree. They were at last overcome, three fine Tutusia [Tatusia] novemcincia and brought home alive. Mr. Barker plans to start a farm and raise them for their meat which is a delicious dish and fit for any king.

 

Collegeport fared well at the Trades Day Saturday for Mrs. Sliva took down fifty frog skins. Mrs. Foster fifteen, and Mrs. Crane four and one-half. This puts about seventy dollars into circulation which no doubt will aid in relieving the depression.

 

The Franzen family were all elated or I might say elevated, Sunday, just because Arnold came down for the day. I do not blame them, for any family might feel exhilarated when visited by such a fine son as is Arnold Franzen. He is a credit to his community. Since Dohtry owns her own auto, I see little of her, but am in hopes that when the moon shines bright once more, she will take me out for a ride or a park. It sure would be romantic parking with a high school teacher.

 

Have just heard that this period of depression means the world is coming to an end. I believe it will, but not this month or year. Perhaps millions of years hence so why should I worry. Had a great friend over who believed in the prophecy of Pastor Russell and so he resigned a good job that paid about $2500 per annum, sold all his property, distributed the cash, and with his family waited all day and all night for the coming of the Lord. but the Lord did not pass that way and so day broke as usual, and he found himself sans job, sans property, sans everything for which he had worked. Don't worry good people, for when the Lord plans to come your way, He will give you notice so you may put on proper raiment and be ready for His coming. Such stuff sounds so foolish to me and when I hear one telling about the coming of the Lord and the end of the world, just shrug my clavicle and say "the poor old guy has lost a button or two."

 

Merrill Heisey is here for a two days visit with his parents, Mr. and Mrs. John B. Heisey. The mail for Collegeport has become so tremendous that Merrill is now stationed at the terminal in Houston and most of our mail goes through his hands. He has added some pounds which has improved his appearance.

 

Thursday morning Mamie Franzen invited me to a ride in her "free wheeler." Lets this start conversation, I will add that Gustave Franzen was in the front seat as a chaperone and by the way, he sure is picking up. Mamie said she had been oystering and showed me her hands as proof. I could see nothing the matter with her paddles except they were clean, wholesome, capable, looking hands. Had Gus not been present, I would have made a closer examination. At last all too soon, Homecroft hove or perhaps heaved in sight and the ride was over. When I crossed the Homecroft drawbridge and entered the portals, the miserable wretch said "who brought you home?" And this was the end of a ride that lasted five blocks.

 

Monday, Burton Hurd, with an extensive, perhaps expanding would be a better term, for the smile on his face, announced the coming of Vernon Hurd and his son, Vernon K. Hurd, Jr. mostly called Bill. They arrived ahead of schedule and the next morning we had the pleasure of a call from Vernon. As I looked back twenty-three years when I first saw him a kiddy in knee pants, it was hard to realize that this strong rugged, wholesome, capable man was the boy of those days. We were both sold on him at once and we congratulate the Burton D. Hurds on the possession of such a fine son. Now we are waiting to see Bill for unless our judgment is faulty, he is an improvement on his daddy.

 

The track on Van Wormer Field is in order and I advise Superintendent White to require all teachers to go around the track about four times each morning. This will improve breathing, reduce overweight, and eliminate gum chewing, for it is nigh impossible to run two miles and keep a-chawin' on a wad of gum. I suggested this to two of the teachers the other night, as we were auto riding and it did not appeal to either of them. Guess they rather have a hot dog smothered in whipped cream.

 

Mr. Schubring drove from Houston on Wednesday to see his sister, Mrs. Anna Crane, but she was in Bay City looking at the living skeleton, the fat lady, Jo-Jo, the dog faced man and eats 'em alive, Bosco.

 

It is impossible for me to keep the word viaduct from my mind. It will be built, just as soon as the Palacios people realize that a viaduct will open up a trade territory of more than one hundred and fifty square miles. The day it is opened, I and friend wife will walk over it to the service at St. John's Chapel. The sensible proper way for the Hug the Coast, is from Palacios across the viaduct on east to Gulf. If, as army officers assert, it is to be a line of defense it must really hug the coast. Hug means to "keep close to; embrace." No one so far, has been a successful hugger, twenty-five miles away from the huggee.

 

From a West Texas reader I received this: "Your thoughts about an egg were fine. Van Wormer Field is an accomplishment Collegeport should be thankful for. It is wonderful for the school to have such a fine athletic field and I am very proud of it."

 

The Markham basketball teams here Friday for a return game, which was played on Van Wormer Field. A good gallery witnessed each event. In the senior boys the visitors won with a score of 6-4. The senior girls and junior girls events were stopped by rain after the first quarter but the score for both was in favor of Collegeport with 4-2 for the senior and 14-2 for the juniors. Those present were very much pleased with the improvements made on the field. Our school is to be congratulated on not only having such a fine athletic field, but to have a coach like Balusek.

 

Some of these days our teams will be ready to meet the best of them.

 

"It was a sanguinary battle

            On Van Wormer Field,

But after all the talk and tattle

            On Van Wormer Field,

One thing seems plain

            On Van Wormer Field,

If it had not been for rain

            On Van Wormer Field,

Or had Rosalie used her noodles

            On Van Wormer Field,

Or Elizabeth had her fine poodle

            On Van Wormer Field,

Or the seniors taller and more hardy

            On Van Wormer Field,

They might not have been so tardy

            On Van Wormer Field,

--Fragments from Hack.

 

I was not present, hence this brief report, but if any of my readers wish the high and low on the game, I refer them to Clarence Prunty for what he don't know about basketball is not written in the books.

 

Thursday the Woman's Club put on a pageant illustrating the modes of women's dress for the different periods from about 1830 to the beginning of this century. Mrs. Liggett dressed in the style of that era was a very gracious Martha Washington. Mrs. Heisey wore the costume of the years just before the Civil War. Mrs. Nelson the dress of the early eighties, while Mrs. Wright demonstrated the dress of the nineties, when wide sleeves and the merry widow hat was the vogue. The two latter were the comediennes of the cast, displaying their costumes to advantage and the amusement of those present. Mrs. Clapp presided at the piano with appropriate music for each presentation while Mrs. Hurd, director of the program, read a description and explanation of each costume and the times in which it was worn. This program elicited so much interest that it is hoped the club will elaborate it and present it some evening when the public will have an opportunity to witness this novel and interesting display of former styles. Well, anyway, it is well to remember that the women of Collegeport are the ones who are accomplishing.

 

The Daily Tribune, November 17, 1931

 


THOUGHTS ABOUT A SIEVE

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

[Local information taken from longer article.]

 

 

Vernon King Hurd, II, mostly called Bill Hurd, went a fishin' the other day and was so elated with his catch, that he brought the string, or perhaps I better write catch, so I could see the wonderful fish. Over fifty fine fish, which is pretty good for a seven-year old.

 

They were what is known as Fundulus [minnow], a very rare fish and a tasty dish when put up in olive oil. I judge the fish averaged two inches more or less in length.

 

Ann Batchelder, writing in the Delineator about a recipe for oysters says, "take two dozen oysters." I wonder what any person could do with two dozen oysters. She evidently knows nothing about Matagorda Bay oysters. That quantity would not even start the miserable wretch for she would take many raw and follow up with fried and stewed oysters. Two dozen oysters, Blah!

 

Thanks to the eagle eye and steady nerve of Superintendent White, we feasted on baked mallard Thursday. When as and if Superintendent White uses his eye and nerve, we beg that he remembers us for we sure dote on mallard ducks.

 

"But as some muskets contrive it,

As oft to miss the mark they drive at,

And although well aimed at duck or plover,

Bear wide and kick their owners over."

--J. Trumbull.

 

The King's Daughters met this week with Mrs. Emmitt Chiles as hostess. About fifteen were present and happily gathered around the usual well filled table, to enjoy the bounteous dinner always served by the daughters. The program was a very interesting discussion about the Parables. As for work, that being the object of these monthly meetings, three comforters were tied. The program was in charge of Mrs. Clapp. This being the duck season, Mrs. King brought in six fine ducks, which were prepared and served. Although I was not invited, my friends did not forget me, for Jeddie Franke Chiles sent me some cookies. Mrs. Chiles added pie and cake, while my old standby Mrs. Rena Wright sneaked out a great big fried breast of chicken, tender enough, as writers always state, to melt in ones mouth. Well, it is fine to be remembered and as Shakespeare wrote:

 

"There's no rosemary that's for remembrance, pray you, love, remember:--and there is pansies, that's for thoughts. Hamlet, Act IV, Sc. 5.

 

Ducks and geese are swarming on the rice fields and they are fat birds. Friday morning, just after the norther of the previous night, thousands of these birds were seen flying north. I presume they were tired of being shot at and were moving to safer fields. Thousands more stayed, ready and willing to take the chances which are many if T. P. White is in the field.

 

A man and woman went to Bay City the other day and expended over one hundred dollars for clothing and supplies. When he told me about it, I asked him why he did not go to Palacios and he replied simply because it is easier for me to drive to "town" and he added when the viaduct is ready for use I will do much of my buying in Palacios just because it will be easy for me to do so. Just remember Palacios merchants, that this is only one instance and there are many. I and the Miserable Wretch need the viaduct so we may walk to service at St. John's Chapel and you need it for increased business and so you may come over to this side easily and quickly and see the gorgeous sunsets.

 

I am informed that for the first ten months of this year the local telephone company paid the Gulf Coast Company, with which it makes connections for Palacios and the outside world, about $460 in tolls. This appears to me to be fine business for the Gulf Coast. I am also informed that some of the local subscribers having enjoyed long distance service, refuse or neglect to pay their toll bills and so the Gulf Cost Company, in order to punish these delinquents, propose to punish the innocent as well, by simply cutting off all service from Collegeport. It is right and proper that further service be refused the delinquents, but there is no justice in refusing service to those who do pay their bills. Any court in the land would grant an injunction against such act.

 

The Midfield seniors and juniors came here Friday and engaged the same classes from Bay View High. Two hot games were played the local school winning in both with a score of 11-3 for the juniors and 6-4 for the seniors. These battles were fought on Van Wormer Field and enjoyed by a fine gallery. Under present ruling, to be eligible to play in these games, a student must make certain grades and therefore a boy or girl with athletic ambitions is stimulated to good work in the school if the ambition is to be satisfied. This is only one of the many things that mark a new era in Collegeport school work.

 

Friday night our folk trekked out to the Citrus Grove school which is in charge of Louise Walter to attend a pie and box lunch carnival. A large crowd was present and boxes, cakes and pies were brought in abundance. The sales netted about fifty dollars which will be used for school benefit. Emil Sliva has the honor of paying the high price of $7.50 for one box of lunch. Prizes were given for the handsome man, the sweet girl, and as usual, but one prize was offered for an event which to my notion was not necessary. It was prize for the man with the "dirtiest feet." This distracted from the dignity and refinement of the affair. It was vulgar, uncalled for and lowered the standard of the event. Such things in our schools, is one of the reasons why Texas schools stand thirty-seventh among the schools of the nation. It is repugnant to people of fine taste and high ideals. Hope we will have no "dirty feet" contests in any affair sponsored by B. V. H. S.

 

Here is what I consider a beautiful poem. It was written by Langston Hughes, a Negro. I wish J. Cliff Dresser would set it music, a Negro minor melody. I pass it to my readers and hope it appeals to them as it does to me. It is entitled

 

Sylvester's Dying Bed

 

"I woke up this mornin'

'Bout half-past three.

All de womens in town

Was gathered round me.

 

Sweet gals was a-moanin'

"Sylvester's gonna die!"

An' a hundred pretty mammas

Bowed their heads to cry.

 

I woke up a little later

'Bout half-past fo',

De doctor 'n' undertakers

Both at ma do'.

 

Black gals was a-beggin',

'You can't leave us here!'

Brown skins cryin' "Daddy!

Honey! Baby! Don't go dear!"

 

But I felt ma time's a-comin',

An' I know'd I's dyin' fast.

I seed de River Jordan

A-creepin' muddy past--

But I's still sweet Papa 'Vester,

Yes Sir Long as life do last!

 

So I hollers "Come'ere babies

Fo' to love you' daddy right!"

An' I reach up to hug em--

When de Lawd put out de light.

 

Then ever' thing was darkness

In a great--big--night!"

 

The Daily Tribune, Tuesday, November 24, 1931

 


THOUGHTS ABOUT SIX KERNELS OF CORN

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

[Local information taken from longer article about Thanksgiving and how the food for the pilgrims was so scare that each one was given only six kernels of corn at a time.]

 

A man was in the Collegeport Pharmacy the other day and looking over the cigars noticed the William Penn cigars and said he "I never heard of that cigar. Did William Penn make it? O, yes, I see his picture on the cover. I did not know he made cigars. Where is his factory?" Shows that there is still opportunity for education at work.

 

Tuesday a brisk norther, first of the season, blew in to refresh us but thanks to the gods of storm it was a dry one. Temperature down to 47 so that was not much punishment.

 

Thursday, as has been the custom for twenty-two years, people assembled at Citrus Grove for the annual community dinner. As one glanced at the table groaning with food, one could not think of depression for that old party had evidently not stopped at Citrus. The attendance, because of the inclement weather, was cut down some but over one hundred were present. Had I know that the maker of those Famous Carrie Noodles was to be present, nothing could have kept me away from those noodles. In the afternoon the weather cleared so after all it was a fine day. As usual, the train crew were well fed as the evening train stopped at that station.

 

We, meaning I and the Miserable Wretch, staid at home and had a dinner that cost fifteen cents with enough left over for two more meals. It was generous in quantity and more filling than six grains of corn. What was it? Take another guess. We are saving our turkey for December 25th, when the light of our lives will be home.

 

Here is a good joke on the Tribune typesetter. Last week,, commenting on Ann Batchelder's two dozen oysters, my copy read "That quantity would not even start the miserable wretch for she would eat that many raw and follow up with fried and stewed oysters." It appeared "she would follow up with friend and stewed oysters." This error, would not be subject to criticism, had he informed our readers how the friend was to be eaten, stewed or raw.

 

The Franzens were happy because Arnold and Clifford came and they had a united family. The Hurds were overjoyed because they had Vernon and Bill. We are glad that the merchants of Palacios are waking up to the value of the viaduct. It has been a great work [week?].

 

More next hebdomad. [week]

 

The Daily Tribune, December 1, 1931

 


THOUGHTS ABOUT LIASON

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

[Local information taken from longer article.]

 

I forgot to mention last week that a most charming Thanksgiving dinner was served by the Hugo Kundingers in honor of Mr. and Mrs. George Hubert of Houston and Mr. and Mrs. Fred Stafford of Galveston. The latter will be remembered as Ruth Hubert when she lived here and used to deal out delicious soda at the Pharmacy. The appointments of the table were beautiful. White linen, gleaming silver and cut glass and flower decorations, but the principal object was the piece de resistance, eight big fat mallard ducks. The rest of the cuisine was appropriate for the occasion and the visitors enjoyed a delightful visit.

 

Thursday, the Missouri Pacific sent a motor car for service on the Collegeport branch. This cuts out two jobs, but it is still more than the people of this community deserve. The Mopac has been much more loyal to us than we have been to them.

 

The Wednesday Tribune carried a very interesting article which suggested the value of a weekly auction to which any farmer or person might bring articles they wish to turn into cash. There is not a farm in the country that does not have some tool, chickens, pigs, calf, hay, eggs, that by the use of such an auction might be brought to bring cash to the seller and use to the buyer. I have read in bulletins of auctions in various portions of the country that have been so successful that they are permanent features. It will for a small fee, bring the buyer and seller together on a common basis and should receive the support of the business men and chambers of commerce. I wonder why all these auctions are to be held in Bay City. Why not rotate and have one at Palacios, at Blessing and Markham and even at Collegeport and thus give those merchants an opportunity to enjoy trade results. Hope the promoter, whoever he may be, will read this.

 

Mrs. Hugo Kundinger journeyed to Aransas Pass this week to see the new baby recently arrived in the Dewald home. Mrs. Dewald will be remembered as Fay Wood who visited here frequently with her Aunt Mrs. Haisley.

 

Thursday, a motor care arrived to take the place of the regular steam train. The motor has been regeared for hauling loads and on Thursday morning it went out with six cars of rice. But unlike the cat, it did not come back, for the heavy load simply pulled the guts out of the masheen or in other words stripped the gears, so it goes to the shop for a general overhauling. The Mopac should buy some of the Mercury tractors and trailers for they always go and come back.

 

The Woman's Union planned to have their annual bazaar on Thursday, but because of the inclement weather, postponed the affair a day and the gods were with them for Friday was a day of beauty on the earth and in the sky. Balmy South winds blew refreshingly from the sparkling waters of the bay. Birds sang. Flowers nodded in the breeze. All nature seemed to say "this is the day." Many beautiful gifts were on sale and for the inner man were provided oysters, stewed, fried and raw with pie, cake and coffee on the side. Result about fifty-five sileleans added to the treasury. These women are always doing something for the church and during a year turn in more than a modest sum.

 

Friday, the library let out sixty books. Our people appear to appreciate this service and they should give it hearty support for it is a free public library supported and operated by the devoted women of the Collegeport Woman's Club. I am informed that fines have been collected in sufficient sum to allow the purchase of about ten new books. So even the finers are doing their bit.

 

The Dickdorothys and Dorothydicks are moving this week from the Isaac Miller place to their own property near Citrus Grove.

 

Saturday being Trades Day in Bay City, our burg was a cemetery, for not even a dog appeared on the streets until mail time when we suffered the usual traffic congestion. We sure need a traffic officer. Twenty to thirty cars parked in a space of two hundred feet means congestion anywhere.

 

As this is being written, a norther is blowing with water and the air is filled with the same. Mighty unpleasant weather, but just what we expect in the winter season.

 

I am writing this on the second day of Advent and even if the viaduct was in operation, I do not think that we, meaning I and the miserable wretch, would use it this day.

 

Friday the senior and junior boys and girls basketball teams drove to Midfield where they battled with the Midfielders. Bay View seniors won 8-2 while Bay View juniors won 19-4. The senior girls' team was defeated. The junior team did not play. A little more coaching and we will have some teams hard to beat.

 

The Daily Tribune, December 11, 1931

 


Thoughts About the Great Birthday
By Harry Austin Clapp

[Local information taken from a longer article about the birth of Jesus.]

Mr. and Mrs. Boeker, Sr., are now established in the Urban house, and the Emmitt Chiles family have moved into the Thomas McMillan Clark house, while the Robert Murry’s have left the Slough Ranch and moved into the Travis house. This about completes the week’s moving.

If the weather in Bay City was anything like it was in these parts Santa Claus had a tough time getting his bag of tricks into the city limits. Rain, rain and more rain and the dirt roads a mess of slime and mud.

The Woman’s Club planned their usual Christmas party for this Thursday but because of the very nasty, ugly weather, in the air and on the ground it was given up. The King’s Daughters were to meet also, but they were wise enough to declare all bets off.

Arthur Matthes sent me a barrel of that fine eight cent kerosene in a big Sinclair truck which promptly stuck in our yard and required a tractor to haul it out. When I look at the big hole it left I think of Arthur and Paul.

Well, folks, when you read this Mary Louise will be home and you will know that we will be enjoying one swell Christmas time. Our girl sure has the homing instinct, much to our delight.

Bill Hurd and I have organized a secret society by which we intend to disobey some of the requirements of social customs or in other words we are bolshevicks. Any one desiring to be relieved of a most distressing custom, especially in the winter time, will do well, to write Bill for particulars as to the requirements for joining up.

On this the fourth Sunday of Advent the Lord sent us a bright blue sky and a warming sun and for that we are more than thankful. Hope the sun shines for all the holiday week for we need it if autoes are to operate on dirt roads. What a blessing this “nine-foot sidewalk” is. Another blessing will be the viaduct. Up to date I have received two blats from Palacios. After while those boys will make up to the possibilities of the viaduct and help build it so that we, meaning I  and the Miserable Wretch, may walk to service at St. John’s Mission. And maybe we might buy a slice of bacon or a quart of oysters or stop at Nestor’s for a dish of cream.

P. S.—Which means I forgot to state that Bill Hurd sez wimmen are not allowed in our club especially Grandmothers and Mothers cuz they don’t realize the dangers us fellers have to meet in the winter season.

The Daily Tribune, December, 1931?
 


THOUGHTS ABOUT PATIENCE

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

[Local information taken from longer article.]

 

As I sit at my desk looking out into the storm which for ten days has beaten against the window, I wonder what has become of Zack Zackers, the man who used to make and distribute "Cracked Crackers." If he reads this hope he will send a postal card.

 

Mrs. S. W. Corse is spending a week with her daughter, Mrs. Charles Duller of Blessing, Texas.

 

Collegeport is normal again for the steam train is back and its whistle is welcome to all.

 

Several parties of Houston hunters here for a quail shoot. Birds appear to be abundant, but the cover is rank and affords fine shelter, so a good dog is a necessity. Many geese and ducks are taken daily. From reports of guns it appears that considerable hunting goes on before sunrise and during the night.

 

Mrs. Hermann Real greets me with a smiling face, and a hearty "Good morning Mr. Clapp," which is quite a contrast with the usual grunt and "howdy" given by some of the pupils.

 

Burton D. Hurd and son are busy getting affairs in shape for opening their business along about January 1, 1932, and commuting to Bay City each day.

 

Let everyone remember the community dinner on the first day of the new year. Never a break for twenty-three years. Bring your baskets of digestible eatables, see old friends and rub against each other. In this way we acquire a polish.

 

Joe Frank Jenkins went hunting the other night. Got lost, rain, cold, wind, built fire, shivered, wet to the bone, stayed out until morning and not until daylight did he know his way home. I bet a dollar that Joe Frank, Jr., would not have been lost. Anyway he stayed home and took care of mama.

 

I have often heard it stated that when one has once tasted the waters from the Collegeport artesian wells that one would always return for another draught. This appears now to be a truism, for after an absence of two years, here returns the Carl Boeker family for another drink of our wonderful water. And it is rumored about that father and mother Boeker will be here for the winter season. If they stay that long they will come back.

 

The Blessing basketball team was scheduled to play the Bay View team on Van Wormer Field Friday, but weather caused rain checks to be issued and so we will have to put off giving the Blessing team a wallop until a later date.

 

No club meetings this week, which gives the women a vacation.

 

Vernon King Hurd left Wednesday for Quincy and Chicago to close up some business that requires immediate attention. He will return shortly and get ready for the operation of the Burton D. Hurd & Son organization.

 

Well, yes, to come to think of it, we have had about three weeks of lowering skies, wet air and mud and we all feel that a sight of the sun would be relished.

 

Mr. Thompson, who has been living in the Van Ness house, has moved his farming tools and household goods to Buckeye where he will farm rice the coming season on the Stoddard Ranch.

 

In spite of the rain and road condition the, the library did a good business Friday under the direction of Mesdames Liggett and Wright.

 

I read in farm notes that Frank Montague is very much interested in the Christmas plans of Bay City. Fine plans, but I fear they will play the dickens with the small local Sunday school over the county and will cause many of them to give up on Christmas plans. Every kid will be crazy to go to Bay City and see Santa fly in on his plane. The old boy used to be content with Dancer and Prancer and his sleigh, but not in this day of progress.

 

Wonder how many Palacios business men read the article in Tuesday's Tribune telling what Bay City merchants are doing to attract trade. It stated that the fine roads make it easy to visit Bay City. It is the truth. It is easy and therefore we "go to town." A viaduct across the bay spanning three-fourths of a mile, places one hundred and fifty square miles of territory in the grasp of Palacios. Here lives a trade population of one thousand people, who because of no viaduct, take the easy way, the line of lest resistance, and spend most of their money in Bay City. With easy communication provided this will naturally just cross the bay, because the distance would be shorter and the way easy. No one is going to drive thirty miles for a slice of bacon when it may be obtained with a five mile drive. And besides this it means that we, meaning I and the Miserable Wretch, will be able to walk to the service at St. John's Chapel. Palacios men, remember "The bird of time has but a little way to flutter and the bird is on the wing."

 

If the Palacios folk do not wake up to this viaduct matter, I shall begin to think they are suffering from an attack of poliomyelitis.

 

The Daily Tribune, Tuesday, December 15, 1931

 


Miss Beryl Bell Honored

One of the most beautiful events of the season was the tea and shower in honor of Miss Bell, of the faculty of the Bay View schools, Collegeport, upon her resignation as teacher of English in the high school, where for the fourth consecutive year Miss Bell has been a most successful teacher, member of the social activities, including church, school, community and as the greatly loved leader of the Girl Reserves since their organization.

The hostesses were Misses Chapman, Harris, Mansfield, Parker and Mrs. Elliott Curtis with Mrs. Burton D. Hurd whose home was the scene of the party and well adapted for the elaborate decorations which carried the Yuletide suggestions throughout spacious rooms. Wreaths hung from many windows and doors, the reception hall was profuse in its garlands of graceful Christmas greens, candles and tapers of red reflecting the same glow that rose from the fire place with its huge Yule-log burning joyfully.

The hostesses met the incoming guests who eagerly awaited the coming event, which soon appeared in the person of Santa Claus, himself, bells, pack well filled, book and pencil in hand, in search of “Good little boys and girls.” Moving among the many guests, Santa wrote names, received requests for gifts, some of which he bestowed immediately, as he said, in order to “save time.” His amazement at the great number of “girls” and not one boy caused him to go on a search from room to room and returning with Miss Bell whom he led directly under the mistletoe! Before the merriment had subsided at Santa’s bold venture, he asked the honoree to have a cup of tea and the dining room doors slid back, revealing a perfect riot of color in the table with its centerpiece a snow bound mirrored lake holding a table tree flanked with tall red tapers, banks of autumn leaves, yupon and trailing Spanish moss while at the farther end of the room stood a tree reaching from floor to ceiling and all laden with gifts, large and small. Here Santa Claus (Mr. Elliott Curtis), principal of the grade school, presented the “whole tree” to the honoree. Miss Bell, whose surprise and emotions were allayed by the first presentation of a beautiful gift from her own Girl Reserves, who held the privilege of serving dainty refreshments.

The many guests remained until darkness closed, so long did it take for the viewing of the beautiful and numerous gifts whose response could be little more than a trembling smile and a word of regret and love for those whom she has known so long and served so faithfully, but whom she is leaving for all time.

Matagorda County Tribune, December 27, 1931
 


Why Is An Auction?
By Harry Austin Clapp

Ever since I was a kid I have been more or less familiar with sales but I never gave a thought to why is an auction, what is an auction, or how is an auction. Looking into the why and what's, I find that what is known as an auction is about as old as Anne and that means as old as the hills or more so. This method of selling property has been used by man for countless ages. Saturday, January 9 Burton D. Hurd & Son will start a regular monthly sales by the auction method and when Burton Hurd showed me letters of commendation in support from such men as Henry Rugeley, F. B. Cobb, William Cash, George Burke, John Sutherland. I just thought “I’ll not write a letter but will call their bid and write a story about auctions.”

Now in the first place just what is the auction? It is an increase, a public sale, where the price is called out and the article to be sold is adjudged to the last increaseor of the price or in other words to the highest bidder. The dict. tells me that it is a “public sale of property to the highest bidder especially by a person licensed and authorized for the purpose; a venue.”

“Ask you why Phyrne the whole auction boys.” –Pope

In this country it is customary to say “sales at auction” but over in England they say “sales by auction.” While we sell to the highest bidder I find that in the Dutch auction, a public offer of property is at a price above its value then gradually lowering the price ‘till some one accepts that as the purchaser. But whatever the method by which the price is arrived at, the auction means bringing the possessor of an article which he desires to sell into the presence of a buyer who wishes the article. This then in short is what the Hurds have planned to do and so on Saturday, Jan. 9, they will open the first public auction in Matagorda County. Any person, anywhere, regardless of county lines is invited to bring any article of furniture, livestock, poultry, eggs, butter, feed, hay, or hay or grain, implements to this auction where a buyer will sure be on hand to pay cash for the article he desires. Burton D. Hurd and Son have worked out a comprehensive plan for this sale and others that will follow each month. It is an opportunity that our people should grasp. One fine thing about auctions is that it entitles the auctioneer to be called Colonel and so on the first day Col. Ray Phillips will be on hand with stentorfonic voice and persuasive words to secure for the seller the high price and delivered to the buyer the article needed. It provides an opportunity to transfer an unneeded article into real cash and to give the buyer something he needs. Thus two persons are favored. The idea appeals to me as it must to others.

The other day a woman who had read about the auction in The Tribune said to me “do you mean that Burton D. Hurd & Son will sell anything?” I replied “Madam, it means just that. They will offer for sale any article from a needle to a cake of ice, from a mouse's tail to the tusk of an elephant. Right before your eyes you will see the Colonel with his magic change these things into real cash.” After a while she said, “I believe I'll take a sewing machine to Bay City.” That's the spirit that makes an auction a success. Remember the date, Saturday, Jan. 9 in the year 1932. Send your listings to Burton D. Hurd & Son, Collegeport Texas.

The Daily Tribune, December 29, 1931
 


THOUGHTS EASY WRITING

By Harry Austin Clapp

 

As a usual thing writing this column meant exhaustion, debilitation, enervation, or in other words a terrible drain on a brain half of which is diseased. This week I feel great relief for my copy is already supplied by two letters, which I received during the week. They are such splendid letters, that I desire my readers to share in the joy and delight which I experienced. I received several letters from Tribune readers, and wish space permitted the use to them all, but two will have to suffice. A reader, from the middle west writes: "No doubt you have read about the so called depression which has settled heavily on the middle west and various other parts of the United States, excepting possibly around Collegeport. Nearly everyone who has a job is afraid he will lose it, and every one who has no job is afraid he will never find one.

 

Naturally the favorite topic of conversation when one man meets another is where are we headed and what are we going to do when we get there. One of my close friends said to me the other day 'I suppose a man as smart as you are has provided a substantial umbrella for the rainy day that is ahead.' I answered him promptly that I had provided such an umbrella and that this provision had been made more than twenty years ago, when looking forward to just such a time as we may be approaching.

 

At that time I bought a quarter section of beautiful prairie land in Matagorda County, being convinced that here was the place that one might live in comfort and be relatively very happy, when all else failed. I had been convinced upon a careful personal investigation, covering several trips into the Collegeport country, that here it was possible with a minimum effort to provide one's self with the food and clothing necessary to an existence and to have in addition, extremely favorable climatic conditions, insuring great comfort of body and mind. I was convinced that even though age might come on before the necessity might arise, that even then a man possessed of life enough to want to live and get the greatest good out of what is left, can find there the very agreeable conditions under which to live. I explained to my friend, that this was my umbrella for the rainy day and I have never lost faith in its availability. I explained that even such feeble physical efforts as I might be capable of, could dig in and dig out, a very good living and provide ample necessities for a very satisfactory living. I felt therefore that I could get away from the worry of bank failures, slow pay of creditors lack of sales, unemployment and all of the other worries that the average business man has to cope with.

 

If business, as it is still called in the United States, should continue to toboggan and a complete smash up is inevitable, I hope to avail myself of the umbrella and land quietly and comfortably in the Collegeport country with my family and have reasonable expectations of adding years to my life, by being relieved of the daily scramble for existence, as we know it here. My excuse for writing is to express my appreciation to you for your newspaper articles, during the past years which I have read with great interest, in which your faith in the Collegeport country has never failed, thus furnishing an inspiration to continue to depend on that country as an ultimate life raft. I shall hope that you and your wife may have many years of usefulness and as a further testimony of my appreciation of your efforts in keeping alive the spirit of Collegeport, I am sending you a little Christmas present which has not cost me very much, but which I hope will be able to afford you a few hours of pleasure. I have read with interest that you will have your daughter with you at Christmas time and I know what a great joy this will be to you and Mrs. Clapp. If no other Christmas remembrance comes to you I feel sure the visit of Mary Louise would make it a great Christmas. With best wishes for a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you all I am." I assure the writer of this splendid letter, that I will load up the old corn cob and as I blow rings of smoke into the air in them I shall see his face and those of his fine family and shall have dreams of the day when they will all be here so we may have daily contact. And here is another which carried us farther on the "Magic Carpet" to more delectation.

 

"Dear Homecrofters: Your outstanding Christmas card, came to hand this day. It is precious and the fact that you remembered me with one of them is more precious still. Wouldn't it be a wonder experience, if for just a 'we sma' bit of time, we had the power to give into the possession of our friends the lovely things we wish for them? Do you know what I would bestow upon the Homecrofters? You are so rich already, in the riches that count, it would only be possible to bestow upon you such mundane things as riches, and the best things that go with the same. What we long for that we are--and so I am a good fairy,that is bringing to you in her heart the sweetest joys your lives can hold--please accept them."

 

Such letters warm the cockles of one's heart. A cockle, let it be known, is a wrinkle, so you know what I mean. On this, the first Sunday after Christmas, there are no cockles in my heart, thanks to these two thoughtful friends. The letters brought me gladness, delight, rapture, ecstasy and are pearls, which I add to my string and day by day, I run them over and again enjoy renewed transport.

 

Yes, we had a wonderful Christmas with gifts in profusion and abundance, but the best of all was the presence of our daughter, Mary Louise, who is a continued comfort and joy. It is with genuine gratitude that we give thanks to the good God, who provided these wonders for our comfort. We are rich, simply overwhelmed with wealth, the wealth which no man may steal, for robbers may not break into our store house of Heart's Desire and take from us those precious gifts. Friends, Yea in countless numbers. Food? Clothing? Shelter? Love for our children and kin and friends? Yes, a thousand times. We are content. We have peace, contentment, satisfaction in life. What more may we desire? We have them all. We have seen much more in our travels. We have met many fine men and women. We have been around the ring. We have jumped through the hoop. What more can we wish for?

 

The weather was not very propitious, friendly, suspicious, but just the same this burg pulled off its regular Christmas tree celebration and all the kids were remembered with nuts, candy and fruit. On the tree was a big box of those famous Carrie Nelson Noodles. I was not present, but my agent was, so when my name was called she yelped "present" and I got them there noodles.

 

Gerald Merck and family, Glendale Welsby and family, Arnold and Clifford Franzen came to the home nest and the Eisel family were glad to enjoy the presence of George Hetherington. Guess everyone, old and young, rich and poor, had a fine Christmas day for if any person was forgotten, I know not their name. No depression in this man's town. If this fact could be known over the country, people would flock here so that they too might enjoy the comforts we have. Not much money to be sure, but plenty of food, clothing, fuel, shelter and "some spendin' change," rattles around in our pockets. It's great to be alive, and have health and digestion.

 

Bay View High School let out Wednesday and will not reassemble until the fourth day of January, giving teachers and pupils a much needed rest, especially the teachers for bells are tired of ringing and nestors tired of nesting and so ad fin.

 

The month of rain has put a grand season in the ground, which is pleasant for the farmer, but it sure has been one helluva time for autoists and footers. The last few days have been gee-lo-rious with bright sunny days and moonlight nights.

 

Mrs. Vernon King Hurd arrived at half past one Friday morning, in time for a real old Christmas at the Hurd bayshore home. I am glad she arrived on a moonlight night and awakened to a warming sun and the singing of birds. Our only Margaret arrived from Chicago to spend the week with her mother, Mrs. Helen Holsworth. We are all proud of this girl, dubbed by herself in a facetious and merry way as "Collegeport's Old Maid." When I pray, I sure will ask God to give us a few more such fine old girls. We need 'em.

 

I fully expect that Bill Hurd's mother will attempt to break up our club. No use to break in, for wimmin is not aloud. All Bill has to do is to sit pretty and keep still about the secrets of the organization and remember that spring will soon be here with warm water in the bay. Us fellers has got to stand together. And now we face a new year for when this is in type, 1932 will be ready for us. I wonder what it will bring to us?

 

Of course, some sunshine and some rain. Some sorrow and some pain. But much of joy and happiness will also come to us and in a great measure it is in each of us to drink a full cup of life's delights. To all the Tribune readers I send fine wishes for the new year and may the days be happy ones to you all. When you want a vacation come on down and play in our yard.

 

"Ring out false pride in place and blood,

The civic slander and the spite;

Ring in the love of truth and right

Ring in the common love of good.

 

Ring in the valiant man and free,

The larger heart, the kindlier hand;

Ring out the darkness of the land,

Ring in the Christ that is to be."

--Alfred Tennyson.

 

The Daily Tribune, Tuesday, December 29, 1931

 

 

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Nov. 14, 2008		 Updated
Nov. 14, 2008
 

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