Ron McCandless answered:

This is not a one time phenomena, we lost the war and therefore there was no government to bask in the glory of the heroes and award medals and citations to the valiant men who fought and died for what they believed in  the purpose of the Southern culture of that day.  Mankind has one great flaw, its tendency to use violence to settle disputes when it is not necessary and though no one "wins" a war, one side is the obvious loser and their soldiers go home to no glory and have to put their lives and their country together from the ashes and ruin.
 
On the bright side of the issue, war is one of the refining elements of the  species, I do NOT glorify war but only make an observation that during times of great stress individuals and families step forward to a greater effort of support and caring for their fellows.  Even the Japanese admitted this when the reluctant Admiral that led the fleet to Pearl Harbor mused upon his retreat "I fear we may only have awakened a sleeping giant." His meaning is simple, a people were not united in spirit and culture and this was the catalyst that would vault the American nation to a united front. In a citation closer to home, in Texas there were many families with no men left at home (as there were in many places) the men in the community, even though elderly, would gather and farm the land of those families that had no one and would help each other with food and medicine to a greater extent than they did before the crisis.
 
The best observation of war's effects on its participants is found during World War I when the "Red Baron" was shot down, American flyers dropped a wreath over his field with a note to inform his comrades of their loss.This was not done to gloat, it was done to honor a respected opponent. Also there was the Christmas Truce that was spontaneous and both sides came out and observed a few hours peace and remembered the birth of their savior.

After the effects of the loss were fully absorbed into the culture of the South, when military accolades were being handed out and "Johnny came marching home" to his celebrations in the North, there was the terrible injustice of the Reconstruction Period.  There is not a Northerner alive today that would want that to happen to a member of their own nation and I am convinced that not many then were in favor of the wholesale criminal actions imposed upon the families and people of the South.  This is not an element of blame, no one here today caused any of these things and no one here suffered the injustice.  The nature of discussion here is to analyze the effects on our ancestors and herein I will allow that the men who fought the battles were in high esteem of each other for many years following.  I will allow that there are the few who were probably mentally unstable due to whatever reason but the overwhelming majority of the letters and artifacts that I have examined show a respect much akin to the feeling that is developed between two people who survived the same natural disaster together. The difference is that these two fought against each other but have the humanity to know it was over and they both survived it.
 
As a last example I will give you a story that so illustrates this that I have made a project out of it to honor the individuals involved.  In 1906 a man got off a train in Ottawa, Illinois and stepped in front of another train.  The only identification was a certificate of sorts from the mayor of LaGrange, Texas in Fayette County.  He offered that this man was "John Haney, a veteran of the 4th Texas Cav. CSA.  Please give him every consideration in his travels from La Grange to his destination." The Seth C. Earl GAR Post 156 of Ottawa took Mr. Haney's remains under their protection and gave him a funeral with full military honors, burying him in the GAR plot in the Ottawa Avenue Cemetery alongside and among the Union veterans.  His grave is marked with the standard curved top of the Union headstones, however instead of the shield that is normally on the face of the Union headstones, his is marked with the lone star of Texas within a circle above his name, 4th Texas Cal (sic) and C S Army. Each year at Memorial Day (The Federal one.) his grave is marked with the US flag as are the other graves of his Union compatriots in death, plus a Confederate Battle flag, by the Ottawa American Legion and VFW Posts.
 
I marvel in the fact that these very men who fought such a costly war in terms of blood and lost humanity, years later give a former enemy such honor and respect.  This one soldier, John Haney received the honors on behalf of all the others.  Wasted blood and tears rest in the same ground and it is even more ironic and fitting that we do not know who John Haney really was.  His family was never found and he became a member of the family of the restored Union.  Restored not of the rage, smoke and violence of battle but of the humanity of his now comrades as they together stand guard over shared territory, a small hallowed plot of ground separated from home and family but in the company of valiant men and good friends.
 
 Ron McCandless